Not My Life, But Their's

I have always wanted to see the world. I have always wanted to travel and get out of my own space ever since I was a little girl. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a paleontologist and travel to the deserts of the world to discover the past and the extinct creations of God. When I was a little older, I wanted to study marine archaeology and travel the depths of the oceans. In high school, I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I took a step of faith my senior year and left my country for the first time and spent seven weeks away in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. This blog was created to be a way to update everyone while I was there. Those were the best seven weeks of my life so far, and I would give anything to be able to go back. Because I was out of my home and living and working amongst strangers who became my family through faith and who I am still so deeply connected to emotionally.

I have never wanted to stay in one place. Coming back to the same home I leave would be nice, but recently, I've been having this overwhelming urge and push to leave and not come back. I love my family, I love my friends, and in some ways, I love my country. But my country, if we are completely honest, does not need me. Nor do I necessarily need it. Over the summer, I kept getting the urge to go somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but where I am, where I was. Granted, I went back home because at the time my family and I thought I would be needed to help everyone while my mom recovered from surgery. Because of that, I do not feel too deeply a sense of regret for staying home. But next year, I don't want to go back home.

I love my family, but the biggest thing they taught me was they did not raise me to be a boomerang, they raised me to be an arrow. Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." My parents firmly believed this, and they firmly believed it was their job to raise me and my siblings to be not just arrows, but flaming arrows, on fire for God and ready to spread His love and His story like wildfire. And if I do that better halfway across the world, then great! Do they like the idea of me leaving and being all alone? Of course not, what mother is going to willingly send her daughter into the world that so terribly treats women? But they trust God with me and with my life, my safety.

And still, I have been afraid of bringing up the idea of leaving the country for good to them. Because that is such a monumental life decision, and it is really quite a big deal. But it is not an urge I can shake off and leave in the back of my mind. This urge has gotten so strong and so invasive that I must act or I will never be able to focus on anything else until it is handled. And that is how I know this is not of myself or my own ambitions. This is from God.

This week is Global Focus Week at Liberty, and I love, love, love GFW. I love the booths in the library, I love the speakers the school brings into convocation, and I love the sense of willingness you get from the students. But today was So. Much. Better. David Platt (renowned for his books Radical, and Follow Me, as well as others) was our speaker today, and before I go any further, I want to say one thing: David Platt has been gifted by God with his ability to speak and with his passion for the world and his ability to clearly articulate it to the masses. So today, Dr. Platt stood up and pleaded with us to understand the depth of what an unreached people group is and the urgency with which we need to be acting. I got a lot of good notes, and I want to share them with you all so you can understand where I'm coming from in a few paragraphs.

• Unreached people groups do not have access to the Gospel. 
• They have a general knowledge of God. 
• Because of this general knowledge, they have rejected God. 
• They are trying desperately to appease different gods and sometimes even to appease their own self and sins
•  The sinful nature manifests in us in a myriad of different ways. 
• Biblically, if you are unreached, you stand condemned before God. 
• There are not any innocent people in the world, there are condemned people all over the world who need to hear the gospel. 
• Biblically, if you are unreached, you will never be told about the good news, the amazing news, the awesome truth of the saving gift of Salvation and the gospel. 
• The gospel is only good news if it gets there in time. 
• Unreached people's knowledge of God is only enough to damn them to hell forever. 
• All they have is the bad news. 

With these points, I want to say what I have been feeling for months now.

I am not meant to stay in this country. I am not meant to teach in an American school. I would love to stay and help bring about education reform, but that is not my calling. My passion is to help people, my path is to teach, my calling is to leave. There are children dying because no one is presenting the Bible as a work of literature and in doing so presenting them with the truth that it contains. There is no one translating the Bible so that students can understand it.  No one is presenting the gospel to an entire third of our world population.

And for months I have been struggling with trying to discern whether or not this desire to leave and to go international was just something from myself in an attempt to get away from a city I didn't want to live in, or if this was a true calling from God. But throughout all of convo, I was repeatedly given a sense of reassurance and relief that this is not something I want to do. This is something God wants me to do. And being able to finally know that is a God-given desire is such a relief and has removed so much internal stress from my life.

I feel I am rambling now, so maybe I should be done.
In peace,
Emily E.

From the Field- Final Update

It is 2:30 pm. I am completely packed and ready to go. In four hours, I will be at debriefing starting the end of my time here in Vancouver.  In two days, I will be on a plane heading to Chicago on the first part of my journey home. I am not prepared to leave. I do not have any desire to leave. As I go, I am leaving a very large part of my heart behind. And that is okay. Falling in love with a city is okay. Falling in love with a church and with an ethnic group is okay.

Mourning over the loss of them is not okay. I will miss Vancouver, but I will not be overcome by sorrow when I return home. I will not allow my longing to be back debilitate me from working back at home. I will not let it hold me back from my studies, I will not let it hold me back from whatever ministry I may have at home.

Because as great as this summer has been, it has to come to an end now. And I'm okay with that. I have made friendships that will last a lifetime, if not this one, than the one in eternity. And hopefully, we'll all see each other again someday.

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to come to Vancouver this summer, and I'm so thankful for all your prayers. Continue to pray for me while I travel and readjust to life back at home. There are a lot of things that are going to be going on when I get back, so I'm going to have to bounce back into the swing of things quite quickly.

As for school plans, I am still going to finish my Associates degree when I return. I will have that completed within the year, so that will take up a lot of time. I will be looking for a job as well, and will begin my journey into the adult world! (yay.)

In Christ,
Emily E.

From the Field - Quick Updates

I just realized I haven't been giving you readers any updates! So I'm going to give you guys the last two email updates that I sent back home.

From July 9:

Sunday, I taught my first lesson. After debating for the past few weeks on what I should teach on, I believe the Richmond youth needed to hear about making biblical principles a priority. So I have started a six-session series I am calling Priorities: Six Godly Principles As Exampled By Jesus. I feel many of these kids are truly born again believers, but they aren't focused or don't know how to follow Christ. By taking the title of Christian, you are calling yourself a follower of Christ, and I want them to see how they can do that by simply applying how Jesus lived to their own lives. A lot of the kids also don't really put spiritual things at the top of their list of important things. They may or may not come to church or other church related events, simply because they had other plans that sounded better, or because they just didn't want to.

So pray for the youth that they would open their ears to what God wants them to hear and that God would take hold of their hearts and threat they would feel the urge took truly build their relationship with God.

Also pray for the first Friday session coming up this week. We had ten kids on Sunday, which is a pretty big group for them. Fridays, however, they don't really have a core group. This bothers me. Their Friday nights are like our Wednesday nights, except they meet at other people's houses. I know Fridays are the night to go on dates and have fun, but I would love to see some more people come. So pray that they feel the need to come on Friday.

In other news, we (the entire Vancouver intern group, there were ten of us) went and climbed the Grouse Grind, which is an intense trail up the Grouse Mountain. So I climbed another mountain. It was pretty hard, but not nearly as hard as The Chief in Squamish. I was still at the end of the pack with one of the other girls, but we had a nice time all the same. This time, we hiked in the evening, and we got to watch the sunset from the top and rode the lift down. Needless to say, I am very sore and tired.

Also, I believe I am getting sick. I woke up with nasal drainage and a scratchy throat, so please pray that it doesn't get any worse and that I heal soon.

From July 18:

First of all today, I would just like to say thank you. Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement you sent last week while I was feeling icky. I truly believe it helped me recover faster. Thank you to everyone who has been diligent in prayer. I'm sorry I haven't been able to send updates and requests as often as I'm sure you would like.

Thank you specifically to the youth group. I finally picked up the letters you sent me yesterday, and I read them while waiting for my bus. I truly miss each and everyone of you, and am honestly surprised by the impact I have made within the group. I never realized the role I played in the youth group, so thank you for helping me see that. Thank you for stepping up and praying for me while I am here, it means the world to me that my friends are actively working to help supply me with the strength and energy I need to continue my work each day. I love you all and cannot wait to see you again soon.

Update time. This past week has been incredibly busy, and I don't think there will be any slowing down until I'm done. Last Friday at small group, we talked about reaching out to the outcasts of society like Jesus did, and the students really took that to heart and showed an interest in wanting to reach out to homeless people. Sadly, there is an overwhelming number of homeless people in Vancouver and the surrounding suburbs. You can't go to the sky train station without seeing at least one. You can't go down Granville Avenue without hearing the sounds of young homeless buskers hoping to make some cash. You can't go down Hastings without seeing all of the homeless people, stuck in their squalor and addictions. And these students, many of whom came from very well-off families, who have never truly known hunger, have found it in their hearts to reach out to them. We continued this discussion Sunday during Sunday School, and we talked about the first steps in helping to restore the broken lives around us. While we by no means are miracle workers, we all agreed to take on the mindset that Jesus had: That we must operate on the assumption that we have a wonder working God who delights in restoring lives that seem irrevocably shattered, and that the people around us are a miracle waiting to happen. So pray for the students and for me as I begin to look for ways the group can go downtown and minister to these broken people.

Also, please, please pray for the Chinese Christian Gospel Church. Seth (the youth pastor) and his family are moving back to Texas later this month. Seth has been going through some things and he needs to take some time away from the ministry. The church is now looking for another pastor, or someone to fill in until they find a pastor. Pray for Seth as he continues to recuperate over the next year, and for Meredith (his wife) as she goes back to teaching in Texas. Meredith and their son Monte leave sometime today, so pray for safe travels for them.

Finally, I want to ask you all to not only continue praying for me as I work here to do God's will, but that I may have a clear direction to go after I return home. I have fallen in love with these students and this city, and in all honesty do not want to leave, but I made a promise to finish at least one degree, and will have to return home to complete my Associate's degree. After I graduate, there are so many different paths I could take, so many different experiences, and all of them seem inherently good, which makes it all the more difficult to see which one is not only good, but which is the right one that God would have me follow. Please pray that I find the emotional strength to carry on while here, as there have been several day recently where I have felt stuck in a rut of emotional indifference, and do not want to do anything at all. This is not a new feeling for me, as I deal with it quite a lot at home, but please pray that I find the strength to fight against it for the sake of my students, if nothing else.

Continue to pray for Stephen and Morgan as well, as they take on teaching at the other three locations. They are also hosting a game night tomorrow night, so pray that it all goes smoothly for them.

So, that is what has been happening lately. I have 9 more days of ministry with CCGC, which means my time is coming to an end. Please pray for me as I start to wrap up my lessons.

In Christ,

Emily E.

2 am

So it's 2 am, and I can't sleep.

I have thirteen days left in Canada. I have eleven days of ministry left.

I do not want to go back home. I do not want to go back to school. I do not want to go back to living with my family. I do not want to get back on a plane. I do not want to watch my team members get on different planes than me. I do not want to leave my students. I do not want to leave Vancouver. I do not want to lose my passion. I do not want to go back to mundane living. I do not want to go back to being surrounded by people with the goal of furthering the numbers of the church. I do not want to forget God. I do not want to put God back in the box.

But at the same time, I want to see my family again. I want to hug my little brother. I want to watch TV with my sister. I want to have a real conversation with my dad. I want to eat at my mom's table. I want to talk to my friends. I want to take bible classes. I want to listen to my pastor preach. I want to see my music minister one more time. I want to hold my cat close to me. I want to sit at NY keyboard and play for three hours. I want to break out my clarinet and make horrid squeaks until music comes out of it again. I want to run around the yard with my dogs. I want to help my mom pick berries and mint, and put up corn. I want to play dress up. I want to wear an actual dress to church.

I don't want to leave, because I've fallen in love. I've fallen in love with this city, with this church, with my team, with the people of this city. But I want to go home to the others I love. I want to go back to my family, my friends, my church.

Why must God give us a passion, send us somewhere, then send us away again? Why must I stay for a little while then move on? Why can I not travel the world from place to place instead of going  home? Why must this be so hard? I've made a home out of Vancouver, I don't want to leave.

I'm coming back one day, some day, soon.
Emily E.

Oppositions

This world we live in is full of different ideas, religions, and opinions. In our society, we have such contrasting ideas, each thinking it is right, that sometimes we cause an intellectual, theological, and political stalemate. We have doubts, not only about the opposing side's opinions but about our own as well. When we confront our own doubts and learn the truth about them, we stand stronger in our beliefs, and can represent with more boldness and clarity than before. When we dig into the doubt of the other side, we can represent their opinions, and still keep ours intact. Though we may not be in agreement, we can still stand in a mutual understanding. Instead of throwing blind, one-sided accusations, we can come to a mutual disagreement. It is not about proving the other wrong; it is about respect. When we show respect, we show not only maturity but humility and civility. To respect those you agree with is incredibly easy. To respect those who think against you is incredibly hard. It is hard, but not impossible. It takes a mind willing enough to view the problem from all sides, but stubborn enough to hold firm in the face of unsupportive evidence. We are a generation open to new ideas, yet strong-willed enough to fight for our own. We are a generation open to intellectual challenges but are not easily confused. We will fight that the sky is orange, even if it clearly blue. We will take a stance that seems unorthodox, but when inspected falls in line with the oldest of tradition.

I stand on the side of stubborn pride. I refuse to be proven wrong. I will fight until you understand my views. I will easily forget to listen and explore your views, though. I am trying to be better about it, but it takes a lot of work to stop being selfish. I am willing, just not in the heat of the debate. I can listen, just not when I think what I have to say is more important. I am a reason we have a problem in society. I am the stubborn, the intolerant.

But what if I, and those like me, weren't? What if instead of intolerance — which is not necessarily being rudely against a viewpoint, but rather a certain fear and even ignorance of that view — we were receptive to hear their side of the story? What if we were not only willing to hear but were willing to really listen? What if instead of thinking about our next comeback, we take in what they have to say and truly think about their opinions? What if instead of being rude, we were civil and kind in our words? What kind of world would we live in?

Now consider this. God nor Jesus ever promised peace for Christians. We were not promised that everyone would love us because we are those chosen to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. In fact, Jesus says the exact opposite. We will be persecuted in His name. Almost all of the 12 were killed as a result of their unwavering faith. We are not meant to be given peace. We are meant to be given the exact opposite. We are promised ridicule, persecution and abandonment. We do not live in the perfected earth yet, and we won't for some time. We live in the world that is ruled by Satan and by evil. As a result as pilgrims in this hostile land, we are not going to have rest, not now, at least.

When people say the world hates Jesus, I sometimes find myself disagreeing. When Jesus walked the earth, it was not the sinners that hated Him, it was the church. The Pharisees, the priests were the ones who put Him on a cross, they were the lines who arrested Him and put Him on trial. The sinners loved Jesus because He brought them hope. Jesus reached out to them, the ones the church ridiculed.

The world today doesn't hate Jesus. If given a true example of the love of Jesus, I'm sure many more would be willing to put their trust in Him. No, the world hates the church. The bigoted, harsh people who persecute and destroy in the name of our God. Those who led the Crusades, and the ones who claimed lands for their countries and their God. No, the world hates us because we hate them. We turn our noses up at the homeless, we give the cold shoulder to the pregnant girls, afraid and alone. We shout labels and venomous sneers at the sinners, the homosexuals, the alcoholics, the drug addicts when we forget that we are just as unworthy of Christ's sacrifice as they are.

We are no better than this world, but we believe that we are. We are just as sick and twisted in our cold dead hearts as they are. So shame on you, you who gives the disapproving glance to the scantily dressed girl. Shame on us, who close our doors to those of different cultures. Shame on me, who walks by the homeless without a second thought. Shame on the church, for their legalistic lies. And shame on our hearts, for becoming hardened to the troubles of the world.

The world hates Jesus because the Jesus they see in us is a judgemental, biased jerk. They hate Jesus because we hate Him. If we loved Him, we wouldn't slander His name. If we loved Him, we wouldn't hate them. If we loved Him, we would become like Him.

For more on this, please listen to God Is Not A White Man by Gungor.
Emily E.

From the Field - Camping Update

I'm so sorry this has taken a while to get up. Stuff has been happening in my life personally and I've been trying to sort it all out. Needless to say, this leaves my brain feeling quite fried and unable to properly write. But that is no excuse, and I am finally sitting down to write.

On Monday (7/1) we all arrived safely back to Vancouver from the camping trip in Squamish. As much as I hated sleeping on the ground in a tent, I honestly didn't want to leave. I love the forest, mountains, nature, and the feeling of being physically closer to God when you aren't surround by high rises.

So on Friday, after the boys got on the wrong train and my group of kids from Richmond all arrived at our meeting place late, we all met up at Patterson Sky train station, packed up the bus and headed out on time at 1 o' clock. When we arrived, Seth, Austin, and the Abilene group were already there with the sites and tents already set up.

We got settled in, had worship, then split into small groups. I was in charge of leading a group of kids going into 9th and 10th grade, and they were very curious. Since they were younger, we ended up getting done a lot sooner than the other groups simply because they didn't have that much to say about the lessons. They did, however, have a lot of very good questions about a broad range of subjects, including abortion, gay marriage, and Satan's power over sin and temptations. I don't know if any of them actually listened to what I had to say, but it was very encouraging to know that they were investigating their faith for themselves.

Saturday, we woke up, had breakfast, worship, study groups, then a group of us went hiking down to some railroad tracks we found. Being the fearless explorer (or the stupidly curious mind) that I am, I found a little walkway down from the tracks where the waterfall emptied into the lake up there. There was a little "beach" that was really just a smoothed over rock, and some driftwood. I went back and called everybody else over, and we all had a grand time climbing and exploring and having a fun time getting to know one another.

Sunday, after morning stuff, we all went and hiked a mountain! There was a point about ten minutes in where most of the people stopped, but the older kids and adults could keep going if they wanted to. So I did. It was simultaneously the worst and best decision of the weekend. While I was the last one to the top of the mountain (and I mean all the way up the peak) I did make it all the way up. And it was so worth the tiredness, shaking legs, and sunburnt face. To get to the top and to see the entirety of the area was absolutely astounding. Words cannot describe the beauty in which God moves and creates. I can never understand how people who have experienced Creation in this way could look at it and say there is no God. To look at the sheer enormity of the mountains and realize how comparatively small you are, then say there is no way you could believe in an almighty, beautiful Creator is beyond me.

Anyway, it took me two and a half hours to climb all the way to the peak, and about an hour and fifteen to come back down. Along the way, I learned something very important, something that God has been trying to tell me for a while. I learned that I was not made to be stationary. I was made to move, to be the hands and feet of God. How can I do that if my daily routine consists of sitting on my bed with my laptop on my belly? As absurd as it sounds, God has been trying to get me to be active, and in a city like Vancouver, you can't not be active. Yes there is public transit, but you have to walk to a majority of the places you want to go. My legs are in so much pain right now. It hurts to stand up, I can't seem to fill my stomach because my metabolism has increased with the increase in simple physical activity. I'm trying to not eat a lot of food because I don't want to eat myself out of house and home. But yet I need that energy to continue. It is a strange problem, now that I write it out, but I think it's a good problem.

Monday was also Canada Day, which is their Independence Day. Needless to say, after this weekend in the mountains and Monday in Vancouver, I definitely could be Canadian (or at least apply for dual citizenship, but that wouldn't make my parents very happy, would it?) After we all got back to our houses and recouped for a little while (which translates to charged our phones and tablets), we all met back up at the downtown street fair that was going on. We were going to meet back up with the Abilene, Texas group, since they had gone kayaking earlier, but they ended up staying on a mountain to watch the fireworks. So it ended up being me, Stephen, Morgan, and two of my kids from Richmond. It was a wonderful time and the fireworks were some of the best I've seen in person. Since I'm probably not going to be able to watch the Independence Day fireworks from D.C., I was more than willing to sit and wait in the grass by the water for two hours.

On Tuesday, I met with Seth and the boys to talk about plans for this week, then the three of us (the interns) went and met the Abilene group in Gastown so we could spend one more day with them before they left on Wednesday. It is incredible to see how quickly and deeply we formed bonds and friendships with these people, and I can truly say that I already miss them. I grew very close to several of the students and have come to love all of the adults who came. All I can say is that I'm thankful for Facebook!

Tuesday night, I received news that my music minister would be taking up a new calling in South Carolina. He and his family will be gone before I return, so I am very emotionally upset right now. Brian and Kerri were some of the most influential people in my life, and not having them there to see me come home is going to be very hard. Wednesday, I told the boys, and they met up with me to simply be there for me. As thankful as I am that I get work with them to minister to the youth, I am equally as thankful that we are here to minister to each other.

Please pray for me as I continue to form deep relationships with the youth and minister to them. Pray that God will continue to encourage me and protect me while traveling solo. Please pray for my students, because several of them have problems deeper than those I can handle. Pray that I have to emotional, spiritual, and physical strength to do what God places in front of me.  Pray that He continue to strengthen and build up Stephen, Morgan, and Seth as we work together to grow.

In Christ,
Emily E.

From the Field - Beginnings of Worship

As I sat on the bus on the way back to my apartment last night after church, I realized, that even though I have no clear idea of how to start a worship band, I do know that you have to start with a heart of worship. It doesn't take a spiritual gift of administration and development to create something from seemingly nothing. Ultimately, that's God's job, but He wants to see us come before Him saying we need His help with this task.

And so, I am coming to Him for help. What do I say, how do I approach this subject? How do I ask for members, how do I spot out the spiritual leaders? Where do I go from here with this idea? To have an idea is one thing, but to put into action as a single person is another. Many times, it takes a team of people to make one person's idea a reality. I don't have that team to work with at Richmond. It's pretty much just me for a while.

Friday night, while we were sitting around at the welcome party, it was very hard for me to discern who in the room was a spiritual leader and who was not. I did feel as though one boy had the potential to be a leader, and was to some extent, but his heart attitude is not in the right place at all. I felt as though though others did follow him naturally, but he could be so much more.

As for music to introduce and integrate into this group, I am at a loss. I know what we sing in the youth group back home, but I don't know what songs they are used to here. I want to give them something fresh and new. I've been looking into worship leaders and their music, and while I have a good amount of well known songs, I want to let them experience the renewed passion you can have from learning a new song. A song who's words you listen to before you sing. What about you all? What are some worship songs or artists that speak to you? Feel free to comment as much as you like, I would love any and all ideas.

Working hard,
Emily E.

From the Field - Orientation and Settling In

On Monday, I left home by myself for the first time. My flight schedule was supposed to go as follows: Jacksonville to Atlanta, Atlanta to Dallas, then straight from Dallas to Vancouver. Instead, I went Jacksonville to Atlanta, sat on the runway for two and half hours, flew to Dallas, missed my Vancouver flight by five minutes, sat in the Dallas Airport for four hours, then flew to Vancouver. I eventually flew in at 9:30 Pacific time, which was midnight Eastern time. I got through customs fine, found my suitcase almost immediately, and found the group that was meeting me almost as quickly. There were four other people flying in around the same time I was, so we all met up with one of the group leaders we would be working with this summer.

Current Canada Vancouver is more than just me and my two other team members at CCGC (Chinese Christian Gospel Church), it is 16 other young adults working with four other churches throughout the Vancouver area and Vancouver Island. So orientation was not just my group, it wads a huge team coming together to learn about and pray for these communities we're serving in. We are a team as a whole, underneath that, we are separate teams, and underneath that, we are individuals, all striving to allow God to move in them and move through them. We all came with the intention of changing lives even if the lives changed are their own.

Monday through Wednesday, we stayed in one of the churches we'll be working with this summer. Tuesday morning, after everyone was awake and had eaten, we began orientation. We started with a devotional and prayer time to open our hearts to the things we needed in order to fully work for the Kingdom. After, we were given an overview of the church planting vision for Vancouver, and given a rundown of Canadian culture. (I'm not allowed to say ma'am or sir, or call an adult by Mr. or Mrs. My parents worked for 18 years to get me to say those every time I addressed an adult, and now I'm not supposed to because it's rude.)

After that little culture shock, we were given a very good guide on how to evangelize with Canadians. In America, we are encouraged to openly share the Gospel and our testimonies with people we don't know that well. In Canada, we have to build relationships before we can begin to talk about things on a spiritual level. While Canadians are open to talking about spiritual things, they're not open to talking with a spiritual connection. It takes time to build relationships where they are comfortable talking to you. Americans will let you into their lives but not into their homes, but Canadians will let you into their homes, but not into their lives.

After evangelism training, we had lunch and played flag football. (I did not play flag football, I kept score and played with one of the leader's little kids.)

After lunch, we got into our groups and talked about the roles of each team member. Since I am living by myself, I am my own accountant, food director, spiritual leader, and planner. The guys (Stephen and Morgan) will be working at two of the other locations of CCGC, so I'm by myself for a while.

I am working at the Richmond location, where I will be taking over administrative duties for their youth group there. I will be teaching bible study twice a week, as well as setting up a praise band while I am here. I have two other girls who are helping me through the adjustment process and I am so thankful for them already!

After we were done on Tuesday, the leaders let us loose into the city to explore. We ended up going downtown and eating in the Italian strip. Then breaking off into groups of three and four. I went with my team and we ended up at the waterfront and talking about our testimonies. Maybe I can get the guys to write a guest post to put up here soon. After that we headed back to the church we were staying at, which is also where I will be working this summer. Wednesday, we went over a few more things then we packed up the vehicles and sent to get settled into our apartments. I met the family that is hosting me, and they are all very sweet. Their youngest is a girl a year older than me, and she seems very open to starting a friendship with me. There is a ministry opportunity there, so please pray for that. We took the boys to their apartment, then ate poutine (fries, brown gravy, and cheese curd. It is absolutely to die for!) And went to get groceries. We dumped those at the apartments and then ate pizza for dinner.

They dropped me off at my place, and I got everything unpacked and took a nice shower, then went to bed. Today (6/20) I've mostly been various books that have been assigned to me, and have been looking into curriculums for bible studies. Later tonight, I am meeting a girl named Erica and her family,. She is one of the girls I will be working from the church. She's in university, but I'm not quite sure what year. Tomorrow, I'm going to try and meet with the guys and get some sort of meeting schedule set up, and I'll probably try to go exploring through the Richmond area where I'm staying. Tomorrow night, they are having a welcome party for me at one of the youth's house. I'm so excited about their excitement to have me here! So far, they have left me a gift basket with all sorts of snacks, and a beautiful card welcoming me here!

Excited to see what God does,
Emily M.

From the Field- Airport Thoughts

So... It's been a while since I last posted, but I am very happy to announce that I am officially in the mission field. I am currently sitting in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport waiting for my flight into Vancouver. While sitting here, I've come to the conclusion that I hate airports. I love flying, it's like riding a really long roller coaster, but I do not like airports at all! I feel so self-conscious just sitting, with all these other people, trying not to look at them, hoping they don't look at me, and then thinking, there's a soul behind that face. I remember why I'm here in the first place. I'm not going on vacation. I'm going on a mission. I am going to proactively fight a battle against the enemy. I am joining forces with two other young adults and a whole church so that we may save lives. I am here to be the embodiment of love to people.

As I sit here, listening to a man talk about the fascinating business of medium sized farming, I remember that God has given me a specific job to do. He has given me a charge. Change the world. Go and do the job I have for you. Go and show them Jesus through your actions. And still I sit here, too scared to strike up a conversation with the older couple splitting a few seat s down from me. Too scared to ask the two really rude guys to stop cussing and looking at me like they're trying to impress me. Too scared to ask the other loner why he's going to Vancouver.

But I'm also too scared to ignore them. I'm too scared to not wonder what their life is like. I'm too scared to not think that they might need Jesus. I'm too scared to let myself take a nap and block everyone out for an hour. I'm too scared to not see them.

A little boy ran by earlier dragging a suitcase behind calling for his mom and dad. At first, I worried he was lost, but he seemed intent on following a certain woman, so I thought he was with her. But then she didn't turn around. By that time, they were farther down the way than I wanted to go. I am so ashamed. I could have gone have him, should have gone after him, and made sure he was okay. What if he wasn't? What if he's still wandering the airport? What if it was all my fault? I could have shown him how much Jesus loves the little children, instead I showed him how much our world doesn't care.  I haven't even gotten to the final stop and I have already failed in my mission.

I've held eye contact with an older man several times, and yet never said a word. For all I know, he could have been begging me to tell him about this Savior,m this Jesus I know. For all I know he could die tomorrow. I have been sitting in this airport for two hours and I have refused to listen to the cross of the souls surrounding me.

Who am I, that God would want to use me, a dirty, rotten, heartless creature, to spread the love of the Gospel. Why would He choose me, a lazy, disgusting child, to teach about His truth? What qualifies me to do any of this?

The answer is nothing. I am nothing, I have done nothing, and I will never be anything significant enough to qualify me for Kingdom work. Yet, even in this, God looked at me, pricked my heart, and said, "I want you to go. I choose you. I chose you before you were even born, because you are special. You are precious to Us, and We want you to be a witness to the awesome things We can do through the broken vessels. I have chosen you, my child."

Jeremiah 1: 5-8, "I chose you before I formed you in the womb; Inset you apart before you were born. I appointed you a prophet to the nations. But I protested, 'Oh no, Lord, God! Look I don't know how to speak since I am only a youth.' Then the Lord said to me: Do not say, 'I am only a youth,' for you will go to everyone I send you ton and speak whatever I tell you. Do not be afraid of anyone, for I will be with you to deliver you. This is the Lord's declaration."

Emily E.

Another Update

So today (5/25), I finished everything I needed to do in preparation for my trip to Canada! I booked my flights yesterday, and sent out all the final paperwork today. Now I'm working on an info board about Vancouver that I will set up at my graduation party and probably elsewhere, but I'm not quite sure yet. I'm also working on my speech for my first graduation, and I can't decide what I want to do. I am either going to use this post and simply read from it, or I'm going to take this post and expound upon the idea.

I like both of these for graduation, because I don't want to give the usual "this is not the end, it's the beginning" speech that every student speaker gives. I also don't want to just speak to my fellow graduates, but to the rest of the people in attendance. There are going to be all kinds of family and friends there, and the likelihood is that some of them might need a little reminding about life as a Christian. While I won't be focusing on how this is a new chapter in our life, I do want to let everyone know that our choices will affect the rest of our lives as adults, and I think both of my options will help with that.

I'm so excited about the next couple of weeks as I prepare for Canada. I've been contacting my fellow team members and getting to know them a little better over the past week. From what I know so far, this team is going to be on fire for God and serving Vancouver. I really am excited about the opportunities I'm going to have.

Busy as always,
Emily E.

To-Do for Canada

I am officially finished with High School. I graduate in 18 days. I leave for Canada in 41 days. Where has the time gone? Everything about my life is changing.

But enough with the melancholia, I have Canada update for you!

To do for Canada

• Arrange travel and airline tickets within the next week.
• Complete the following paperwork:
• Federal W-9 form
• Student Missionary Insurance Application
• Direct Deposit Authorization Form
• Send above forms to the North American Mission Board
• Share missionary placement with church so they can begin praying with me
• Wash clothes and pack my things

I cannot believe this is happening guys! In other update news, i am going to visit another school, this time looking into a recording and music production program. I have my last high school piano recital in exactly one week. I then have my graduation party in 17 days. After that, I have two graduations, both of which I will be performing at.

Also, on a more personal level, I had a time of devotion with God today for the first time since October. With how crazy my life has been with school and Canada stuff, I've put it off. None of that gives me an excuse, now does it? In the last three days, I've realized that I am not going to be any use to God in the mission field if I can't even begin with myself. How can I share with others the amazing story that is Christ if I can't remember what He has done for my life? The answer is, I can't. If I went out today, and I tried to tell people about the Gospel, i would be the biggest hypocrite. I started one of the week-long devotionals available on my YouVersion app (which is the best Bible app out there, it has almost every English translation of the Bible, and has dozens of other languages as well. The devotionals it has available for you to use are excellent as well. My sister highly recommends any of them written by Lecrae.), and this one talks about Authentic Serving. This is the last of the Authentic series that You Version has available, and so far, I quite enjoy it. 

I chose this devotional to help me find that attitude of a servant. Any case I get to meet any of you one day, I will warn you now by saying I am an extremely selfish and lazy person. It takes a lot of effort on another persons part to get me to get up and do something. This has also been a center of conflict in my house, because when you have several small children who need constant attention, a selfish, lazy teenager is not someone you want to be responsible for. So obviously, I need a very big dose of "get-your-act-together" to get me into that serving mindset. And today's topic was "It's Not About Me". How appropriate.

I firmly believe that if anyone is thinking of going into any kind of service industry, whether it be ministry related or not, they have to start with a heart of humility. No one can properly serve another if they are going about it with selfish intentions. It does neither party any good, it only hurts them both.So, naturally, I had some reluctance about going to Canada in the beginning, because who am I that I am qualified to have the privilege to serve God in one of the darkest 1st world countries? But, I think that's exactly why He chose me. I am nothing special; if it wasn't for the passion for music and the drive to succeed that was instilled in me at a young age, I wouldn't have accomplished anything out of the ordinary. I don't think I have accomplished anything extraordinary, to be honest, not yet. And even when I do, it won't be through my strength  it will be through God's guidance and grace in my life.

Maybe that's why I was called to go. So people can see my flaws and my problems, and see that God can love someone like me, and He can live someone like them, too.

Looking forward,

Emily E.

Canada Update

Looks like I'm going to be uploading three new posts today... because I have a very exciting announcement!
Earlier today I received an email telling me that I have been assigned to the East Bay Baptist Assoiation in Sacramento California!... Wait , what? Yes, I was indeed told that I was going to California, not Canada. And as any good mother, my mom (who is also my editor, by the way, you can all thank her for the readability of this blog) told me to call and make sure this was correct.

So, I called and left a message, and she called me back an hour later. She said I was placed in Vancouver, which was labeled as CD01. I told her the email had said CA01. She was suddenly very flustered because apparently something messed up with the computer merging software when they sent out all the email notifying all of those assigned to Vancouver. So, in the end, she told me I was going to Vancouver, Canada, not Sacramento, California (wow, that sentence had a lot of commas). I should be getting another email with the correct information sometime tomorrow.

I can not tell you how excited I am. After I got off the phone, I started jumping up and down and giggling like a madman. I am so ready for this experience, I just cannot wait to see what God does this summer! Another great thing is that I am not leaving on June 3 like I originally thought. I will be leaving sometime around the second week of June,so I won't be stressing out about packing for Canada and graduation simultaneously, so that is a relief.

Excited about the future,
Emily E.

Thoughts on the Future

I don't know about y'all, but I tend to get really nervous thinking about the future. Or thinking about change, for that matter. I don't like it, I get uncomfortable with the idea of some unknown experience or variable that pops into my short range view of my life. I like the way things are. Most Christians like the way their lives are; they are fine with being comfortable.

But we are Christians, we are supposed to be in Christ and of Christ. We are meant to live like He did. Jesus wasn't comfortable. Jesus wasn't allowed to be comfortable. If He had been content with comfort, He would have never come to Earth to live as a human. He would have stayed in Heaven where He could be Christ in His full glory and power. But instead, in order to save our dirty sinful souls, Jesus became uncomfortable willingly. He stayed awake for days on end, to a point where it became unhealthy, to serve people, to heal sickness. He never had a bed or a house to call His own, he was constantly traveling. He went through torture to save us.

Our modern day society was not the only one focused on comfort. People in Jesus' day were, too. Many people, not just the Twelve, would follow and travel with Jesus, listening to His teaching. But as soon as Jesus said something that didn't quite fit with their idea of comfortable things, they said, "Ooh, that makes me nervous. I don't agree with that, because that would involve me stepping outside of my comfort zone, and that's not okay". Those who were uncomfortable with His teaching left and went back to their families and their homes, where they knew it was safe and predictable.

But we are Christians. We aren't allowed to be content with being comfortable. When we become comfortable, we become complacent. We don't care about what God wants for our lives. We start to forget what God has done for us and called us to do, and that's not okay. We begin to become autonomous, living and functioning freely from the rest of the world, focused solely on our own lives and our ideas of important things.That is not okay.

I'm not saying that Americans and other Western countries are committing a terrible sin by living in a way that the majority of have beds, and a variety of foods to eat, an abundance of clothes in our closets, and a house we go home to every night. I'm saying we as Christians should start being scared about the idea of spiritual comfort. We are meant to be learners of God's Word and of God's Will. Being comfortable means not being stretched, not learning. What is a Christian if he does not grow? We should always be spiritually willing to allow God to stretch us and call us to new experiences and new revelations.

I'll be the first person to admit it, I do not like the idea of going on trips. Vacations are good, because they are planned and re-planned several times, so everyone knows exactly what's going to happen, when you're going to get to your destination, and what you're going to do when you get there (although there is always the possibility of a vehicle breaking down, or of bad weather putting a damper on your happy little group, both of which have happened to me and my family).

No,vacations are great, exciting. But trips that are specifically taken to find out which direction your future is going to go, are absolutely terrifying. My family and I are going to visit two colleges over Spring Break, and two others on different weekends. I don't want to go. The idea of assessing a college and it's campus is slightly overwhelming. Of course after that I have to choose a college. I don't want to have to do that either, because that means that I am accepting the fact that I am leaving my family. I don't want to leave my family, as much as I can't stand them sometimes. They are a source of comfort for me, why would I want to willingly leave that?

Because in order to grow, you must stretch yourself to what you know you can be.

After college visitng, comes graduation. That's a pretty big deal to me. I once thought that I would not graduate, not because I wasn't good enough in school, oh no. I know I'm smart, I'm an accelerated student who did better in most of her college classes than the actual college kids last semester. No, it wasn't because I'm not smart enough. I thought, and I'm sure my parents thought this as well, that I was never going to graduate because I was making choices that would have led me down the path of a self-destructive, homeless drop-out. Had my parents allowed me to stay in the environment I was in, I would have become unrecognizable. I look at the choices those former friends or mine are making, and I cringe, because I would have made those same mistakes, and I would have destroyed my life just like they did. But now, with graduation in my sight, I am reminded almost daily that this was not something that I accomplished; this was the work of my Savior. I shouldn't be here, as a dual-enrolled college student, writing a blog about spiritual matters. I should be the girl crashing at a friend's house because my own parents refuse to support my lifestyle. I should be long gone.

And right after graduation, is Canada. I have gotten to the point where I just want to pack up and go already. As much as I don't like thinking about the future, I don't like waiting even more. I was never a patient person, whether it be waiting in line at a theme park, or on a long car ride, or waiting for my parents to finish getting ready for church. I don't like waiting, because there is always the possibility that you waited too long, and you end up getting there late. (I don't like being late, I loathe it. It is a terrible, terrible thing that comes from being unprepared, and it makes you look like you don't care about everybody else's time. And that's not cool.) I don't even know where in Canada I'm going yet, but I want to go. I don't want to sit around anymore. But at the same time, I don't want to go at all. I just want to stay here at home, and go through the summer with my friends and family like I always have. None of this packing up and being gone for two months, I want to stay here.

But as much as I contradict myself, I have to always, always remind myself that I am supposed to be willing and let God stretch me and grow me into the best person he wants me to be. It isn't comfortable, nor is it always going to be a pleasurable experience. But that doesn't mean you won't be happy when it happens. Because if you are willing to let God move you, and you stay planted in His Word, you will always have a peace and joy about you that won't ever let you go.

Emily E.

A Hard Pill to Swallow

This has been a very emotional week for me and my friends. Our youth pastor and his family, who have been with us for four years, are being called to a different church. This wasn't something any of us expected, nor is it something we wanted. So many questions have been running through my head since Sunday, I just don't know how to take it all in.

On Wednesday in the youth group, he talked to us about where we went from here. What happens now, if you wish. It was so hard not to simply cry my eyes out in front of everybody as I listened to him, because even though it was his last time talking to us, what he said, God had already spoken to me throughout the week in my personal times with Him. And everything he said was hard to swallow. The biggest for me was most definitely to not get sidetracked and distracted when these things happen.

When our pastor announced he was leaving, one thought that ran through my mind was whether or not I should still go to Canada. As many know I am a Senior in high school this year, and I feel as I have some kind of leadership position within our youth group. With that position, I can't help but feel as if I need to stay here over the summer and help the group transition between pastors. But our youth pastor, and my mom later on, said it so truthfully. God has called me to Canada to do a ministry that no one else can do. And if I stay here, I am going to hinder ministry both here at home and in Canada. God will still use somebody else, but the results won't be the same, I will miss out on that relationship with God that is forged on mission trips, and I'll miss the opportunity that God has given me.

As true as that is, it is so, so hard to accept. Which led me to thinking today, what other things to I know in my mind but in my heart I refuse to accept?

What are we meant for? Why are we here? Are we here to take up space? Or are we here to help people? As Christians, we are here to show, share, and be Jesus to the lost people. We are not just here. We have a reason. Ultimately, we all have the same job - to show people the way to Christ. How we do that is different from every person, but is all the same in the end.

WE have a job to do, whether we realize it or not. WE are not here to party, to work, to just live. We are here to live for Jesus.To live in a way that glorifies God, not ourselves. And every day, we should live in a way that reflects the love of the Man who died to save us. Because whether or not we realize it, someone is always watching, be it our friends, coworkers, family, or a child. Someone is watching everything you do, listening to everything you say.

That right there, is something that most Christians refuse to accept in their hearts. But you know what, I determine right now, to accept that, and do live it. It's one thing to say something, it's another to live it out.

One thing that I find really hard to accept, no matter how many times it's brought up, is that according to the world, I know nothing of value, because I'm only seventeen years old. But according to God, I know so much more. Because I'm young, people are watching, waiting for me to screw up.

But what if I didn't screw up? What if I didn't fail? What if I succeeded, if I won? What if I proved them wrong? Then, I wouldn't just be looked at, I would be looked to. I would set an example, be a leader. People would look at me and say, "She's a good girl. She follows God's Will". God doesn't just want me to be good, he wants me to be excellent, to be everything I need to be in order for His work to be done.

Sometimes God, the Great Physician, gives us hard pills to swallow. Whether they be life circumstances, ideas, or convictions, it's all the same. Nothing is going to hurt any less than something else. God's conviction on a sin in your life is not going to be any more or less painful than losing a loved one. And that's simple the way life is.

Still in the valley, but looking towards the Son,
Emily

Local Missions: Operation Christmas Child

This past weekend, 12/7 and 12/8, I went with my youth group to Atlanta, Georgia to the Operation Christmas Child processing Center, where they collect all of the boxes sent in from the entire Southeast and sort through them and stuff. We went to help with the process and ended up working for eight straight hours. There were several different jobs, several of which I ended up doing, but I mainly unpacked the shoe boxes out of the bigger boxes (the workers called them cartons). I would take out the boxes, open them, and check for any money placed in the box for shipping purposes. As a result, I was able to see the letters and notes from the people who packed the boxes. Almost every box that came in had a note. We had one carton that was completely filled with boxes from one elderly lady. In the last shoe box, though, she had put a check for shipping, and it was for 39 boxes. Thirty-nine. That's a lot of boxes, not to mention $273 to be paid in shipping.

I didn't keep track of how many boxes I looked through, but I think I unpacked somewhere around 20 cartons or so. So, let's think about this mathematically. If there were an average of 26 shoe boxes in a carton, then:
20 x 26 = 520 shoe boxes,
520 shoe boxes = 520 children,
all who are going to be given the hope of Jesus. And if the children subsequently share the Good News with their family, specifically their parents, that's:
520 x 3, child, mother, father.
That's potentially 1,560 people reached through theses shoe boxes. And that's just the boxes I unpacked for my group. There were at least 20 other stations going through cartons, if they went through 20 cartons each as well,
20 x 20 = 400,
400 x 26 = 10,400 shoe boxes,
10,400 shoe boxes = 10,400 children
10,400 x 3 = 31,200 people who could potentially hear the Gospel.

That's only in the eight hours we worked on Friday. They have been sorting boxes for several weeks before and will be sorting until Dec 17. That's a giant amount of boxes from the Atlanta center. if I remember correctly, there are five (six?) other processing centers in the country. That equals a whole bunch of boxes  which equals an even bigger bunch of people.

What I'm trying to say, is even if you don't feel called to go on a mission trip to another country, there is always something you can do to help grow the Kingdom of God.These shoe boxes you make in your own home go all around the world to give a child a Hope they have never known before. One day, someone is going to come up to you and say, "You packed a shoe box, and I was given that box. Through your gift, I accepted Jesus. Thank you." That makes it so worth it. If you feel that you can't help spread the Gospel where you are, think again. There is always something you can do.

Serving as He calls me,
Emily E.