Not My Life, But Their's

I have always wanted to see the world. I have always wanted to travel and get out of my own space ever since I was a little girl. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be a paleontologist and travel to the deserts of the world to discover the past and the extinct creations of God. When I was a little older, I wanted to study marine archaeology and travel the depths of the oceans. In high school, I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I took a step of faith my senior year and left my country for the first time and spent seven weeks away in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. This blog was created to be a way to update everyone while I was there. Those were the best seven weeks of my life so far, and I would give anything to be able to go back. Because I was out of my home and living and working amongst strangers who became my family through faith and who I am still so deeply connected to emotionally.

I have never wanted to stay in one place. Coming back to the same home I leave would be nice, but recently, I've been having this overwhelming urge and push to leave and not come back. I love my family, I love my friends, and in some ways, I love my country. But my country, if we are completely honest, does not need me. Nor do I necessarily need it. Over the summer, I kept getting the urge to go somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but where I am, where I was. Granted, I went back home because at the time my family and I thought I would be needed to help everyone while my mom recovered from surgery. Because of that, I do not feel too deeply a sense of regret for staying home. But next year, I don't want to go back home.

I love my family, but the biggest thing they taught me was they did not raise me to be a boomerang, they raised me to be an arrow. Psalm 127:3-5 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." My parents firmly believed this, and they firmly believed it was their job to raise me and my siblings to be not just arrows, but flaming arrows, on fire for God and ready to spread His love and His story like wildfire. And if I do that better halfway across the world, then great! Do they like the idea of me leaving and being all alone? Of course not, what mother is going to willingly send her daughter into the world that so terribly treats women? But they trust God with me and with my life, my safety.

And still, I have been afraid of bringing up the idea of leaving the country for good to them. Because that is such a monumental life decision, and it is really quite a big deal. But it is not an urge I can shake off and leave in the back of my mind. This urge has gotten so strong and so invasive that I must act or I will never be able to focus on anything else until it is handled. And that is how I know this is not of myself or my own ambitions. This is from God.

This week is Global Focus Week at Liberty, and I love, love, love GFW. I love the booths in the library, I love the speakers the school brings into convocation, and I love the sense of willingness you get from the students. But today was So. Much. Better. David Platt (renowned for his books Radical, and Follow Me, as well as others) was our speaker today, and before I go any further, I want to say one thing: David Platt has been gifted by God with his ability to speak and with his passion for the world and his ability to clearly articulate it to the masses. So today, Dr. Platt stood up and pleaded with us to understand the depth of what an unreached people group is and the urgency with which we need to be acting. I got a lot of good notes, and I want to share them with you all so you can understand where I'm coming from in a few paragraphs.

• Unreached people groups do not have access to the Gospel. 
• They have a general knowledge of God. 
• Because of this general knowledge, they have rejected God. 
• They are trying desperately to appease different gods and sometimes even to appease their own self and sins
•  The sinful nature manifests in us in a myriad of different ways. 
• Biblically, if you are unreached, you stand condemned before God. 
• There are not any innocent people in the world, there are condemned people all over the world who need to hear the gospel. 
• Biblically, if you are unreached, you will never be told about the good news, the amazing news, the awesome truth of the saving gift of Salvation and the gospel. 
• The gospel is only good news if it gets there in time. 
• Unreached people's knowledge of God is only enough to damn them to hell forever. 
• All they have is the bad news. 

With these points, I want to say what I have been feeling for months now.

I am not meant to stay in this country. I am not meant to teach in an American school. I would love to stay and help bring about education reform, but that is not my calling. My passion is to help people, my path is to teach, my calling is to leave. There are children dying because no one is presenting the Bible as a work of literature and in doing so presenting them with the truth that it contains. There is no one translating the Bible so that students can understand it.  No one is presenting the gospel to an entire third of our world population.

And for months I have been struggling with trying to discern whether or not this desire to leave and to go international was just something from myself in an attempt to get away from a city I didn't want to live in, or if this was a true calling from God. But throughout all of convo, I was repeatedly given a sense of reassurance and relief that this is not something I want to do. This is something God wants me to do. And being able to finally know that is a God-given desire is such a relief and has removed so much internal stress from my life.

I feel I am rambling now, so maybe I should be done.
In peace,
Emily E.

An Open Letter to Liberty University and David Nasser

So out of the 20+ speakers who are scheduled for the upcoming Fall 2015 Liberty University convocation this year, only 5 of these are women, and one of them has a man scheduled to speak the same day.

First of all, I would like to take a moment to write specifically to David Nasser. Pastor Nasser, I applaud you and your work here at Liberty University. I do. I am in full support of you and everything you have done for this school even in the single year you have been here. I could not be happier with a campus pastor. I know you faced a lot of opposition from a lot of different people here since you joined the LU family. And on behalf of the student body and those who agree with me, I sincerely apologize. You do not deserve, nor have you done anything to deserve, the criticism and the terrible words you received. You are a blessing to this school and I am excited and expectant to see what positivity you bring to us in the years to come.

But, to whom it may concern, and to you as well, Pastor, I want to extend a suggestion: You need to bring on more women convocation speakers. Approximately 56.5% of both the residential and online population or Liberty University is female. That is your demographic. These young women are the majority. Young women don’t need middle age, married men with 2.5 children telling them how to live out their faith. They need older women who have successfully navigated the world both as a Christian and as a woman, as well as everything else that comes along with those titles. If any of the young women (or any of the women for that matter), who sit on campus or who watch live streams of convocation come from a similar background I do, they didn’t have a lot of women leaders. They didn’t have good, godly, Christian examples to look up to. They had mothers and grandmothers, yes, but they almost certainly did not have other women they were taught about or they heard about who were successful in their fields and lives and who were also Christians. I know I did not. Now, we are in college or we are continuing our education, and in this time we have to expand our horizons and see farther beyond our homes and our childhoods, we still do not have strong, Christian women to look up to and to sit under. We are still listening to men. And yes, men are the ones who God ordained to be pastors. I understand that and agree with that. It is biblically-based and sound.

 But, Liberty University, you do not invite just pastors onto your stage. You invite all kinds of people into Vines Center. You invite politicians and journalists and authors and comedians and missionaries and performers into our Liberty Bubble. So why can’t any of these people be women? There are women politicians and journalists and authors and comedians and missionaries and performers who are all successful and who are very good examples to bring in. Women have just as much experience in their lifetimes as their male counterparts do, and sometimes, they even have more experience. Yet we do not see them, and we do not know how to find these women. Liberty, you have an incredible opportunity to pour into the lives of these women. Because women are the doer’s of the world. Women do not sit and talk as men do. Women stand up, and women wake up before dawn, and women get things done. And this generation of women are so eager to get up and to move and to get things done. But when we do not see any other generations in front of us encouraging us on, we become disheartened and discontent.

This generation of Christian women do not need an older generation of men telling them the same thing 20 different ways. We NEED to see more successful women. We NEED to see Christian women who have overcome the stigma of being a woman. We do not need men telling us how they think we should succeed. We need women showing use how they themselves succeeded.

You have one TBA spot open in the Fall semester. I ask and I pray that you all deeply consider bringing in a woman to speak.

Frustrated and discouraged, 

Emily E. 

The Desire for Community and the Joy It Brings.

It's amazing the way things you knew before are reinforced throughout your life. As a child, I was taught that community is important, first with your family, second with your church, and third with your friends. And I feel as though the past couple of weeks I have been seeing this exemplified.

Spring Break has come and gone, my online classes are over, and I got a job (YAY!) I work 8:30-4:30 the days I go in, and that leaves me with a considerable amount of time to do stuff after I get off, and I get done with classes around the same time on those days. And it gives me the opportunity not only to take care of and focus on myself when I need to, but to also engage in the lives around me. I love to encourage and uplift people. It brings me joy to see other people happy and healthy. Seeing others praise God fills me with a desire to praise God. The community you surround yourself in will definitely influence the way you see life and the way you feel from day to day. But you also have the same ability to influence those around you.

My first day of work, I decided I was going to start working out. What??? If you know me, I would rather do anything else than workout most of the time. But this idea that I have an adult job in an office now and I have more adult responsibilities have given me a push to get into better shape I guess? I think a part of it is that I turned 20 over break and that was a hard thing to handle. I'm the second person in my close group of friends back home to age out of the teen years and that's a hard thing to deal with. But I decided to step up and go ahead and take care of myself now when I am already moderately healthy then try to tackle a bigger problem later. And one of the biggest reasons I've stuck with it for almost two weeks now without quitting is that I have a giant support group encouraging me to keep going and not give up and I want to keep up the work to prove to them that I can do it. Not in a prideful way, but in a "You encouraged me and I don't want to let you down" way. Having that community of people who will hold me accountable has helped me to keep going.

Within all relationships and communities, you must first uplift and take care of others, and they in return will uplift and take care of you. And throughout all of this mutual encouragement, God is constantly being praised and uplifted. And through community we become strong enough to handle tragedy, big or small. Community is the most important aspect of life for the Christian and is something the church of Acts understood very well.  They gathered together on the day of Pentecost (2:1) and were constantly meeting every day (2:46-47).

Gather together under the banner of Christ, rejoice with praise, bow in prayer, and love one another in community. Because at the end of our lives, all we have is Jesus and the community of Heaven.

In Christ, and In Love,
Emily E. 

Breaking a Paralyzed Heart

This week has been absolutely amazing so far. For those who do not know, Christine Caine, the founder of the A21 Campaign, one of the largest anti- trafficking organizations in the world, is launching her new project, Propel Women, this week and has chosen to kick it off here at Liberty. I will be writing a post on Saturday summing up the entire week, but I want to talk to you all specifically about tonight.

Tonight Christine spoke at Campus Community (previously named Campus Church), and it was a message straight from God. I feel like there is a lot I don't know how to get out in a way that makes sense, but I'm going to at least try. First I want to share some points I got from her sermon, and then what God revealed to me tonight.

• So many Christians live far beneath the freedom Christ died for.
• God needs and is looking for a generation that not only sings songs that say "no going back" but who believe it and is willing to act upon it.
• God is looking for and going to use unlikely people in unlikely places using an unlikely plan to gain an unlikely result.
• You don't know what God is going to do with you and where He is going to do it.
• We treat God like He doesn't know what we don't have, as if God doesn't know who He called. 
• The thing that makes you feel unqualified is the same thing God is going to use to bring Him the greatest glory. 
• Do not limit God's supernatural ability in and through your life.
• I do not have it all together, but God does have it all together.
• Would you just trust God?
• Begin the walk into freedom.

Tonight was, to quote Mrs. Caine, "awesome". But there was a lot to take in and a lot of realizations to wade through.

First, my heart has become paralyzed with fear and anxiety and doubt and worry. And all of these things have caused my heart and my spirit to become hardened and overwhelmed and this has caused me to push God away to a point. I have lost sight of the God and the heart of Jesus that I saw two years ago. The one that loves me no matter what.

Secondly, I've been trying to fix myself and my problems on my own again. Again. I've been trying to solve everything on my own. Take these oils, do these exercises, eat this not that, read these books. And while none of those are inherently bad, none of them are God. But when did I stop and pray? Where in that did I sit down and open my Bible? Why did I let my independent spirit push away the biggest Helper I have available to me?

I have lost sight of my long term vision. I have become so caught up in school that I've forgotten why I came here in the first place. I have forgotten my heart's true passion to help people. That is all my heart wants to do when fueled by the Holy Spirit. I want to help people, no matter what or in what way. And I can't help people when I have forgotten who it is who fuels that passion. I have gotten caught up in the waves of busyness and learning and discovery.

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

My eyes aren't above the ways. I can't even see the sun. How blind and ignorant I have become to my own pain and confusion.

That being said, I have come to the point where I cannot handle this on my own. I am not able to manage this by myself, but I don't know where to start in being able to get back on track. I will be looking into the school's counseling services. I've heard excellent things from other students who have benefited from their services and I believe this is what I need. I do not know how to handle myself anymore. 

I have lost sight of the me that Jesus sees. I have missed the passion that I had even a few months ago. I have lost sight of my Christ identity. It is going to be a journey to find it again, and it is going to be a struggle to repair my relationship with Christ again. But for me, I know that it will be much better to ask for help from the right people now than the wrong people then. 

So. Pray for me. Pray for the rest of this week on campus, and for the beginning of the Propel Women movement. 

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER, BUT GOD DOES.

Emily E.

Beginnings, Endings, and Learning to Understand Yourself

At the beginning of the semester, I joined the Liberty University Debate Team. On Thursday, I officially left the team. I let go of an amazing opportunity and what some could consider wonderful practice for a future lawyer and I walked away. But why? Why would I dare to let such a thing go?

Because I learned. I learned about how Debate works, and I learned about myself and about how I would do in the sport. But I also learned about how I cope with things. I don't doubt for a single second that I wouldn't have been an excellent debater, I know I would have done amazing. But I also don't doubt that I would have worn myself out. And that is not something I want to do so early on. I already feel so worn down and stressed over everything and trying to balance both Debate and the amount of school work I have to do. After a month, I could not find a good equal balance between focusing my mind on school work and Debate work. I put more focus on school work, because ultimately, that is what is more important to me. And so I talked to my coach and I left. She understood what was going on and how much unhealthy and unnecessary stress I was dealing with and while she was upset that I was leaving, she wished me luck and it was a good parting. The team doesn't know, but since I'm posting this on Facebook later, they will now.

College is a time of learning. It's a time of learning more about the world around you, about the fields you are passionate and studying about, and about how you can interact and become a part of the world and an influencer instead of simply a consumer and a by-stander. It's also a time where you begin to truly learn about yourself and you begin thinking about who you are as a person, about your personality and your virtues and vices. It's where you learn about how you manage your own life and how you, and more specifically your body, deal and manage stress levels you aren't used to.

Last year after about a month being home from Vancouver, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was having trouble breathing. At first, I thought my childhood asthma had flared up and I was having an attack. I had a couple more episodes like this within that same week, and I treated it as asthma with nebulizer treatments until I was actually able to go to the doctor. They checked me out and told me it wasn't asthma, I was fine, they didn't hear any wheezing or general tightness in my chest. I went home and mom mentioned that maybe it was anxiety. I don't like to think of myself as being a relatively anxious person, but when I think about how I normally react to situations, it does make sense. That being said, having some form of an anxiety disorder, as I have not been to a doctor for this, but from my personal research have a pretty clear idea that this is what it is, has been relatively okay to manage. Over the past year, attacks have been minimal and have been rather easy to deal with. I understand that for me, focusing on fixing my breathing is the best thing (breathe in for a few seconds, hold, then let it out for longer and repeat a couple of times), and to tell myself that everything really is okay.

But in the past couple of weeks, I have realized that since I am taking Junior level courses, because I have transferred in with that many credits, I have a much heavier work load than I had previously anticipated. I have more required reading than I have hours in the day, and more need to study than I ever have before. And I was trying to balance that with Debate, and I just simply wasn't able to do so. If I focused on debate, a test was almost forgotten and performed poorly on. If I focused on school, which is what is and should be my  main focus as a student, I had no proof or evidence of my research to show. I think ultimately, I would have simply been a bad Debate partner and team member, and I would not have been able to healthily balance everything. And so now, I have time to actually do my school work, my breathing (which has been in a constant state of difficulty and just general tightness) is getting better, I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy and being the best me that I can be. Will I regret this choice to leave? Maybe. And I do miss the family I stepped into when I joined. Making friends is going to be harder now, but as many know, I make friends rather easily, not quickly, but easily. I am a people person by nature, and I thrive off of company. I don't doubt that my years here will be the best days of my life so far, and I am going to be learning even more about myself, the world that I so achingly love and long to adventure into, and the people who surround me.

Always learning.
Emily E.

Quick Life Update

I have to apologize for not writing so much recently. I am moving in to my dorm at Liberty on Sunday and have been incredibly busy packing. I am leaving a week early because I have joined the debate team and they are having a novice camp next week.

I won't be able to properly write anything for the rest of the week, but I'll try to have a Musical Monday up on time next week. It's been a really long time since I did one of those, but I have a lot of really good songs I want to talk about.

Busy as always,
Emily E.

Important Life Updates

It has been a while since I have written anything, and I should probably tell you why. I have had a lot of road blocks come up recently, and I wanted to make sure I got over them before telling anybody anything. So, if you have asked me in the past couple of weeks what my plans for the future are and I have given you some vague answers, that is why. (Also, I simply don't like people asking me about my plans for the future. Focus on your own lives, and focus on the now, not the future. It happens when it happens.)

So, first and foremost, what are my plans for school? I am now officially going to Liberty University in the Fall. I am going to get a Bachelor's in English, and I will (hopefully) graduate with that in 2016. I am sending in a video audition for the marching band, and if accepted, I will be leaving early August to start band camp. I will also be applying for work study, preferably for one of the library positions. 

Second, how am I paying for school? Honestly, that is none of anybody's business. But just know that God has provided for me and even though it is not the most preferable method, it is going to get me through.

Third, what are my plans for the summer? You mean, the summer that is half over? Not much, to be honest. I am cleaning out a lot of my stuff and selling it, and I am going to start getting ready for Liberty. I have summer orientation in July sometime, so I will be heading up there for that as well. I also plan on finishing some paintings I promised my mother, so hopefully will get that done. I am also volunteering every other week at our local organic co-op. My friends and I are trying to get as much crammed into this summer before me and my best friend leave in August. I am also trying to do as much fun stuff with my younger brother before I leave, because this is the last summer we really have together, and these are going to be the most vivid memories he has. 

Now, what do I need to do to get ready to leave? So much. Let us make a checklist, shall we?

• Film and send in my video audition for the Spirit of the Mountain band. 
• Attend summer orientation
• Register for classes and meal plans.
• Declutter my possessions and start deciding what I want to take with me.
• Buy band shoes and gloves.
• Buy new school clothes because I have Florida friendly clothes that are not suitable for the Virginia mountains in winter time. 
• Buy new school supplies because I have run out, it seems. 
• Pack everything I need.
• Sign up as a doTerra Essential Oils rep so I can still have those while I am gone. 

I think that is it. So, if you have been wondering what has been going on in my life and what my final plans are, there you go. Also, if you know me personally and you want to meet up with me one last time before I leave, let me know.

Finally seeing some direction,

Emily E.

Update

I know, I know. It's been two months since I've written a real post. And you all are probably wondering why. Well, for several reasons. This semester has been busier than I thought it would be, and I have had to do a lot of research and writing for a lot of my classes, and I spent all my creative energies on that. I've also been doing a lot of stuff away from the computer, so when I get the idea for a post, I forget it by the time I get to a computer. But mostly, I just haven't been all that inspired to write anything. So, I'm sorry for being absent, but I don't think you are going to be seeing a lot of me in the near future either. There is still a half a semester left, and it is packed full of speeches, concerts, tours, and papers. After that, is graduation and then working my butt off over the summer to have as much money for college as possible before beginning my life at Liberty in the Fall. I'm sorry this is so short, but hopefully I'll have something of substance for you all soon.

Busy and loving it,
Emily E.

Mugshot Metaphor Project Submission

My style is like the weather. Bright, colorful and cheery one day, and sad, bleak, and gloomy the next. My style does not determine my outlook on life, nor does it define my life and my surroundings. My style will lead others to determine how they treat me though, whether it be good or bad. My style is like the weather, strong and confident. It embodies my personality, and it shines through the dark with the power of the sun. My style empowers me, it does not inhibit me. I make the best with what I've got, and I will not let it pull me down. My style is like the weather, ever changing and ever surprising. It changes with the seasons, and it never seems to stay constant. My style is like the weather, powerful and a force to be reckoned with. Not everyone will like my style; not everyone will like the weather. But do not judge me by my style, #judgemebythecontentofmycharacter.

My mind is like a tornado, constantly spinning and going and crashing through life. It takes an idea and turns it on its head, it obliterates it and leaves the pieces behind. It never stops until it runs out of energy, too exhausted to go on any farther. It leaves broken hearts and broken buildings in its wake. My mind is like a tornado. A buildup of pressurized passion mixed with the winds of creativity. My mind is like a tornado, spinning ideas into dreams and dreams into visions, and visions in goals. My mind will leave you bewildered, reaching for a stronghold against it's sheer knowledge. But do not judge me by my mind, #judgemebythecontentofmycharacter.

This was a project i had to do in Advanced Writing. We had to choose an aspect of us that is often misread or misunderstood and make it into a metaphor. I really enjoyed this assignment and thought I would share it with you all.

Emily E.

Home

So, I've been home for a week and a few days now, and I must say, it's just as it was before I went to Canada, but it is different as well. Part of me wants to stay and fall back into the routine of utter and disgusting laziness, and part of me wants to rise against that as it has for the last seven weeks. I do not know what to do with myself. I want action, but I want inaction. I want change, but I do not want to start the process. I want revival, but I also want complacency.

This week has consisted of cleaning, school orientation, and job searching stuff. My mom told me back a while ago that when I got back there would be a job opportunity available here for me. So I looked into it, had an interview earlier today, and am now an official crew member at my local Firehouse Subs! I've also been trying to set up classes for this semester, and have been going through such a hassle with it. First I had to call the welcome center, then I had to sign up for online orientation, then I had to do the orientation, then I have to either wait for them to call me back, then they didn't call me back, so I had to call them this morning. Turns out, they're not taking appointments right now, only walk in's.So first thing tomorrow morning I'm heading up to the school at seven am. I have to meet with an adviser so I can get the classes I want. If I don't get the classes, I can't graduate on time, and if I can't graduate on time, then I can't go to Liberty on time and it will screw up my plans...of course, it's not about my plans, is it?It's about what God has planned.

Last week while I was still in Vancouver, my parents told me we are not staying in this current house. We believe we were simply a means of blessing to two families in their time of need, and we are now currently getting the house ready to be shown...and we have to keep it that way at all times.I don't do well with continuous clean. My brain does not work with continuous clean. I have to have some form of clutter to distract me when I get to frazzled. Then I clean it up. Maybe. I might actually just make some more messes. But for now, I have to buckle down on keeping it clean. we're apparently looking into finding a house that has something along the lines of a separate mother-in-law's quarters or a garage apartment or something for me, so I have semblance of independence, but mom and dad and food are still right there when I need them.

So, now that I am starting school back again, and I am starting my first job, and we're focusing on moving again, this blog might become a little less updates, and more musings and expository writings and stuff. I don't know if I want to continue with the Musical Mondays or not, I think that would be up to you, my wonderful readers. I am truly thankful for every single person who reads this blog, and I hope that you take away fro it as much as God and I have put into it. I have readers from all around the world, and I love each and every one of you, so your opinions matter deeply. If you enjoy the past Musical Mondays posts, comment and let me know so, if I get a good response I'll keep trying to make them.

In Christ,
Emily E.

Another Quick Update

First of all, I would just like say I am so sorry for disappearing of the face of the earth. Life has been crazy, and I think you all deserve an explanation.

REASONS I HAVE NOT BEEN POSTING:
1) We (my family and I) have been moving! We recently bought the house of some friends of are that have moved, and the last two weeks have been spent packing and painting and cleaning and moving and all that jazz. It's bittersweet, beacuse while we have been trying to move for nine years, we didn't really want it to be to the house of some very close friends who are no longer living within visiting distance.

2) It's the end of the semester! I can officially say, I hate the end of college terms. It is always extremely stressful, especially when you have several presentations and test all crammed together. It is finals week, and I am writing this while waiting to go to my first final. Please pray for me.

3) It's the end of my high school education! Yes, it is graduation time. So add on top of end-of-term pressure, all the pressure that comes from being a high school graduate. I'm homeschooled, so the actual ceremonies are very intimate and personal, and I am performing at both, and am also the student speaker at another. Yes, you read that right, I have two gratuation ceremonies. I also have my last ever piano recital coming up that I am preparing for.

4) I leave for Canada in a month and a half! While this has kind of taken a backseat whit all of the moving, ther is a very long list of things I need to do to ensure that I am actually going. I will make a post with a to-do list later.

So, yeah. That is why I haven't been posting very much, and I do apologize again and also in advance in case I don't post anything else in the near future.

Edit: Also, I have noticed that I have a very broad international reader base, and I wanted to let you know that I would love to hear back from you all, so please feel free to comment on any of the posts. I would love to be able to interact with all of my readers. I want this blog to be a place where I not only share my insights and opinions, but where we as a group can have a well-mannered and respectful conversation. so, please feel free to comment any feedback or your own opinions regarding the post content, but please, remember, this is a Christian blog, and I will delete, block, or report any user who uses any kind of vulgar or crass language. Thanks, y'all.

Crazy busy,
Emily E.

Changing My Mind

Before anyone freaks out, no, I am not having second thoughts (again) about going to Canada. I'm starting to  reevaluate my schooling options. Many of you know that I have very specific ideas and plans for y college career. After finishing up my A.A., I want to transfer to a larger university to get my Bachelor's degree in Music Business and/or Production with a major in Songwriting and a minor in Music Education (just so I can  support myself). I narrowed down my options to four schools, Belmont University, Liberty University, Full Sail University, and University of Mobile. Three of these schools are Christian schools, and all of them are private...which means they're all expensive.

Now, Belmont is my dream school. It has the exact degree I want, and one of the best Music Industry study programs in the country. It also has a lot of artists come in and work with students in the school's recording studio. It is home to the Mike Curb School of music, which is excellent! Full Sail is a private arts college, focusing on the movie and music industry, as well as marketing for several different areas. They also have their own on -campus recording studio, and also work with big-name officials and companies who know your field of study and can get you connected to the right people.

Liberty's music program is fairly new, but it shows promise. While searching through their online catalog, I didn't see a Music Business of Production degree, but I did see a degree in recording. That would be good if I wanted to be in front of the mic, and not necessarily behind the scenes. Of course, over the last couple of years, I've shifted my focus from me being the one on stage, to me being the one behind the songs.

The University of Mobile's website did not have and up-to-date course catalog, so I could not see what fields of study they provided, and if I can't get that information, then I will cut them out completely. So in reality, that narrows it down to three schools for music.

But in the past week or so, I have been thinking that maybe I could get a degree in Nutritional Studies or Food Science. This idea came to me when I started thinking about how I would eat and stuff when I moved out of my parents' home. See, we eat according to a thing called the Daniel Plan (danielplan.com), which focuses on eating biblically and cutting out all the poison that is in our food industry today. It consists of mostly organic and locally grown fruits and vegetables, whole grains, brown rice, and minimal animal proteins. If you can't grow something locally, at least buy products grown in your own country. It is much healthier and it supports your own economy.

Now, I will be the first to admit that I have problems, like many Americans, when it comes to choosing what to eat. I am a sugar addict, as is half of this country, and I will almost always pick the sweeter food. Fruits over veggies, cake over pie, ice cream over anything else. Even my favorite vegetable (corn, which isn't nutritionally a vegetable) is mostly sugar. That being said, since we started eating to acording to the Daniel Plan, I have wanted to make better eating decisions, and I want other people to want ot make healthy choices, too.

I guess underneath it all, when you put aside the fields of study and the titles and degrees, I want to help people. I want to help people understand that they are more than what they see. They are a child of God and they have worth. I want to speak to them through my music, and I want them to be encouraged by it. I want people to understand that there body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and that they should take care of it and use it as a testimony to God. To reach your full potential, you have to be healthy.

I want to help a lot of people. The only problem, though, is that in music, it takes a long time to get to the point where a significant amount of people hear your music. It took F.U.N. twelve years to get to where they are today. I don't want to wait that long. There are people out there hurting, and I can't stand to know that. With a nutritional degree, I can help people who come into (wherever it is I end up working) and take them through whatever their problem is and how they can change it.

I just want to help people...But why is it so hard to know how?

Caught up in all the choices
Emily E.

Dealing with Failure

Failure. Disappointment. Not good enough. Chances are, most of us have been called one of these at some point in our lives. Whether it was by a parent, friend, teacher, or ourselves, somehow we all get this label. I can't recall many times where other people have called me a failure, but I know I have called myself one many times over my relatively short life.

Many of these times have been when it comes to the areas of academics and extra-curricular activities. I remember the first time I got an F on an assignment. It was a 3rd grade math assignment, and I didn't see there were more problems on the back. When I got the paper back in my take-home folder that Friday, I was so shocked, I dropped the folder on the floor. I had never gotten anything below a B (I think), and I was so scared. I remember thinking I was going to be in so much trouble when mom goes through the folder. I then sat and gave myself a very harsh mental scolding, saying that I was stupid, and why didn't I check the other side of the paper, and GOSH you are an idiot, Emily. Stupid, stupid, stupid...

Another time, in 7th grade band, we were having our last chair testing to see who would play what part at the end-year recital, and I had been 1st chair the entire year, so I was really cocky about this test. Ends up, I was a little too confident, and ended up messing up terribly. I ended up going from 1st to 5th. There were eight clarinet players, so that was a pretty bad. I'm pretty sure I cried myself to sleep that night, after thoroughly beating myself up mentally for being such a terrible musician, and you don't deserve to even be in symphonic band, who do you think you are, you'll never be good enough, you should just quit, you sorry excuse of a clarinetist...

Of course, thanks to my parents being godly people, I've never experienced that kind of verbal abuse from them, or anybody now that I think about it. Of course, many people are never told by others that they are failures, they thrust those ideas upon themselves, which leads them to believing them for their entire lives if they're not careful.

As Christians, we are not promised that we will succeed in everything we try. Christ never said life after salvation was going to be an easy, breeze through everything you do kind of endeavor. No, life is going to be hard, there are going to be challenges that you are going to face, things that you are going to have to do, and as hard as it is to admit, sometimes you're going to come short of your own goals.

And you know what? That is okay. Nobody but you can give you the drive for you to achieve, no one else can place your goals upon you. Only you can do that. So when you don't quite make it to those goals, the only person you're letting down is yourself. Everyone else is just proud that you took on that challenge. They didn't hold you to an impossibly high goal, and if they did, it was because they believed in you, not because they wanted to see you fail. You tried, and that is good.

Earlier today (2/16/13), I got my scores for the January SAT, and my score was about 300 points away from being eligible for the largest Bright Futures Scholarship (the Bright Futures Scholarship is a scholarship program by the state of Florida that is given to outstanding or exceeding students, and is funded through lottery money). I was really confidant in my scores, and I thought I might have a chance, but I added them up, and I just barely missed the mark. I was so disappointed, but then I looked back at my scores. My math score had gone up 80 points. I went from a 490 to 570. I actually got in the 500's in math this time. This was my fourth time taking the SAT, and I finally got a math score in the 500's. That was one good thing. The other good thing was I still over-qualified for the second-highest scholarship. And there is always the March SAT if I want to take it again, but I don't think I will.

There are two ways to approach your apparent failure. You can either wallow in pity and self-depreciation, or you can analyze what happened, and find the good in it. What did you learn from this? After turning in a half-done assignment, I learned to always check and make sure I did everything that was asked of me. After dropping to 5th chair, I learned to not let my abilities get to my head, and that I still needed to practice, even if I was better than everyone else without it. I'm not quite sure what I learned from the SAT yet, other than it is an evil test, but I'll let you know when I do.

Smiling through the problems,
Emily E.