Breaking a Paralyzed Heart

This week has been absolutely amazing so far. For those who do not know, Christine Caine, the founder of the A21 Campaign, one of the largest anti- trafficking organizations in the world, is launching her new project, Propel Women, this week and has chosen to kick it off here at Liberty. I will be writing a post on Saturday summing up the entire week, but I want to talk to you all specifically about tonight.

Tonight Christine spoke at Campus Community (previously named Campus Church), and it was a message straight from God. I feel like there is a lot I don't know how to get out in a way that makes sense, but I'm going to at least try. First I want to share some points I got from her sermon, and then what God revealed to me tonight.

• So many Christians live far beneath the freedom Christ died for.
• God needs and is looking for a generation that not only sings songs that say "no going back" but who believe it and is willing to act upon it.
• God is looking for and going to use unlikely people in unlikely places using an unlikely plan to gain an unlikely result.
• You don't know what God is going to do with you and where He is going to do it.
• We treat God like He doesn't know what we don't have, as if God doesn't know who He called. 
• The thing that makes you feel unqualified is the same thing God is going to use to bring Him the greatest glory. 
• Do not limit God's supernatural ability in and through your life.
• I do not have it all together, but God does have it all together.
• Would you just trust God?
• Begin the walk into freedom.

Tonight was, to quote Mrs. Caine, "awesome". But there was a lot to take in and a lot of realizations to wade through.

First, my heart has become paralyzed with fear and anxiety and doubt and worry. And all of these things have caused my heart and my spirit to become hardened and overwhelmed and this has caused me to push God away to a point. I have lost sight of the God and the heart of Jesus that I saw two years ago. The one that loves me no matter what.

Secondly, I've been trying to fix myself and my problems on my own again. Again. I've been trying to solve everything on my own. Take these oils, do these exercises, eat this not that, read these books. And while none of those are inherently bad, none of them are God. But when did I stop and pray? Where in that did I sit down and open my Bible? Why did I let my independent spirit push away the biggest Helper I have available to me?

I have lost sight of my long term vision. I have become so caught up in school that I've forgotten why I came here in the first place. I have forgotten my heart's true passion to help people. That is all my heart wants to do when fueled by the Holy Spirit. I want to help people, no matter what or in what way. And I can't help people when I have forgotten who it is who fuels that passion. I have gotten caught up in the waves of busyness and learning and discovery.

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

My eyes aren't above the ways. I can't even see the sun. How blind and ignorant I have become to my own pain and confusion.

That being said, I have come to the point where I cannot handle this on my own. I am not able to manage this by myself, but I don't know where to start in being able to get back on track. I will be looking into the school's counseling services. I've heard excellent things from other students who have benefited from their services and I believe this is what I need. I do not know how to handle myself anymore. 

I have lost sight of the me that Jesus sees. I have missed the passion that I had even a few months ago. I have lost sight of my Christ identity. It is going to be a journey to find it again, and it is going to be a struggle to repair my relationship with Christ again. But for me, I know that it will be much better to ask for help from the right people now than the wrong people then. 

So. Pray for me. Pray for the rest of this week on campus, and for the beginning of the Propel Women movement. 

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER, BUT GOD DOES.

Emily E.

Important Life Updates

It has been a while since I have written anything, and I should probably tell you why. I have had a lot of road blocks come up recently, and I wanted to make sure I got over them before telling anybody anything. So, if you have asked me in the past couple of weeks what my plans for the future are and I have given you some vague answers, that is why. (Also, I simply don't like people asking me about my plans for the future. Focus on your own lives, and focus on the now, not the future. It happens when it happens.)

So, first and foremost, what are my plans for school? I am now officially going to Liberty University in the Fall. I am going to get a Bachelor's in English, and I will (hopefully) graduate with that in 2016. I am sending in a video audition for the marching band, and if accepted, I will be leaving early August to start band camp. I will also be applying for work study, preferably for one of the library positions. 

Second, how am I paying for school? Honestly, that is none of anybody's business. But just know that God has provided for me and even though it is not the most preferable method, it is going to get me through.

Third, what are my plans for the summer? You mean, the summer that is half over? Not much, to be honest. I am cleaning out a lot of my stuff and selling it, and I am going to start getting ready for Liberty. I have summer orientation in July sometime, so I will be heading up there for that as well. I also plan on finishing some paintings I promised my mother, so hopefully will get that done. I am also volunteering every other week at our local organic co-op. My friends and I are trying to get as much crammed into this summer before me and my best friend leave in August. I am also trying to do as much fun stuff with my younger brother before I leave, because this is the last summer we really have together, and these are going to be the most vivid memories he has. 

Now, what do I need to do to get ready to leave? So much. Let us make a checklist, shall we?

• Film and send in my video audition for the Spirit of the Mountain band. 
• Attend summer orientation
• Register for classes and meal plans.
• Declutter my possessions and start deciding what I want to take with me.
• Buy band shoes and gloves.
• Buy new school clothes because I have Florida friendly clothes that are not suitable for the Virginia mountains in winter time. 
• Buy new school supplies because I have run out, it seems. 
• Pack everything I need.
• Sign up as a doTerra Essential Oils rep so I can still have those while I am gone. 

I think that is it. So, if you have been wondering what has been going on in my life and what my final plans are, there you go. Also, if you know me personally and you want to meet up with me one last time before I leave, let me know.

Finally seeing some direction,

Emily E.

To-Do for Canada

I am officially finished with High School. I graduate in 18 days. I leave for Canada in 41 days. Where has the time gone? Everything about my life is changing.

But enough with the melancholia, I have Canada update for you!

To do for Canada

• Arrange travel and airline tickets within the next week.
• Complete the following paperwork:
• Federal W-9 form
• Student Missionary Insurance Application
• Direct Deposit Authorization Form
• Send above forms to the North American Mission Board
• Share missionary placement with church so they can begin praying with me
• Wash clothes and pack my things

I cannot believe this is happening guys! In other update news, i am going to visit another school, this time looking into a recording and music production program. I have my last high school piano recital in exactly one week. I then have my graduation party in 17 days. After that, I have two graduations, both of which I will be performing at.

Also, on a more personal level, I had a time of devotion with God today for the first time since October. With how crazy my life has been with school and Canada stuff, I've put it off. None of that gives me an excuse, now does it? In the last three days, I've realized that I am not going to be any use to God in the mission field if I can't even begin with myself. How can I share with others the amazing story that is Christ if I can't remember what He has done for my life? The answer is, I can't. If I went out today, and I tried to tell people about the Gospel, i would be the biggest hypocrite. I started one of the week-long devotionals available on my YouVersion app (which is the best Bible app out there, it has almost every English translation of the Bible, and has dozens of other languages as well. The devotionals it has available for you to use are excellent as well. My sister highly recommends any of them written by Lecrae.), and this one talks about Authentic Serving. This is the last of the Authentic series that You Version has available, and so far, I quite enjoy it. 

I chose this devotional to help me find that attitude of a servant. Any case I get to meet any of you one day, I will warn you now by saying I am an extremely selfish and lazy person. It takes a lot of effort on another persons part to get me to get up and do something. This has also been a center of conflict in my house, because when you have several small children who need constant attention, a selfish, lazy teenager is not someone you want to be responsible for. So obviously, I need a very big dose of "get-your-act-together" to get me into that serving mindset. And today's topic was "It's Not About Me". How appropriate.

I firmly believe that if anyone is thinking of going into any kind of service industry, whether it be ministry related or not, they have to start with a heart of humility. No one can properly serve another if they are going about it with selfish intentions. It does neither party any good, it only hurts them both.So, naturally, I had some reluctance about going to Canada in the beginning, because who am I that I am qualified to have the privilege to serve God in one of the darkest 1st world countries? But, I think that's exactly why He chose me. I am nothing special; if it wasn't for the passion for music and the drive to succeed that was instilled in me at a young age, I wouldn't have accomplished anything out of the ordinary. I don't think I have accomplished anything extraordinary, to be honest, not yet. And even when I do, it won't be through my strength  it will be through God's guidance and grace in my life.

Maybe that's why I was called to go. So people can see my flaws and my problems, and see that God can love someone like me, and He can live someone like them, too.

Looking forward,

Emily E.

Canada Update

Looks like I'm going to be uploading three new posts today... because I have a very exciting announcement!
Earlier today I received an email telling me that I have been assigned to the East Bay Baptist Assoiation in Sacramento California!... Wait , what? Yes, I was indeed told that I was going to California, not Canada. And as any good mother, my mom (who is also my editor, by the way, you can all thank her for the readability of this blog) told me to call and make sure this was correct.

So, I called and left a message, and she called me back an hour later. She said I was placed in Vancouver, which was labeled as CD01. I told her the email had said CA01. She was suddenly very flustered because apparently something messed up with the computer merging software when they sent out all the email notifying all of those assigned to Vancouver. So, in the end, she told me I was going to Vancouver, Canada, not Sacramento, California (wow, that sentence had a lot of commas). I should be getting another email with the correct information sometime tomorrow.

I can not tell you how excited I am. After I got off the phone, I started jumping up and down and giggling like a madman. I am so ready for this experience, I just cannot wait to see what God does this summer! Another great thing is that I am not leaving on June 3 like I originally thought. I will be leaving sometime around the second week of June,so I won't be stressing out about packing for Canada and graduation simultaneously, so that is a relief.

Excited about the future,
Emily E.

Update

As of Friday, January 17, I have officially completed my file and application process to Current Canada. In about two weeks, I will get an email telling me where I will be placed. In the mean time, I need to start looking into the passport application, as well as scholarship opportunities. Also, I passed the driver's test on Thursday, so I can drive myself now without having my mom be with me. I don't say that because I have that freedom, but because my mom had to plan her schedule around me and my class times. So now both of us have a more open schedule. I'm really excited to see what God is going to do next.

Watching God Work,
Emily E.

My To-Do List

As this blog was made to keep people updated about my mission trip to Canada, I think it is fitting to let you know what I have to do at this point in time to be able to go.

Things that need to happen to complete my registration:

• Must complete my background form
• Must have the other 3/4's of my references complete their part and turn it in to the NAMB
• Must have parents finish consent form
• Must begin passport application process 

Things that I would like to get done somewhat soon:

• Must get support letters stuffed and sent
• Must buy postage for said letters
• Must begin finding ways to raise money

Things I would like to look into once I know where in Canada I am going:

• Economic stability of mission area
• Census numbers of mission area
• major industries of the area
• Education levels of citizens
• Majority political and religious views of the area

So, that was an official update as to what I think needs to happen. Please stay tuned for more updates and inspirational speakings.
Going Where He Sends Me,
Emily E.