On Waiting for God to Bring Him to Me

This week at my church, we are having a speaker and an expert on godly relationships teaching our adults and youth ministry while we have VBS (Vacation Bible School) for our children’s ministry. Dr. Richard Marks is brilliant and has incredible insight from years of ministry and being a counselor, and has a large amount of godly wisdom to give. This week, the purpose is not to focus on marriages and romantic relationships specifically, but on relationships as a whole and how we interact with other humans on a daily basis. There is so much I wish I could comment on and write more about, but what stuck out to me was this passage of scripture he mentioned as a way to show how we as humans are wired for community and emotionally close relationships with each other.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.” - Genesis 2:18-22.

One of the things that stuck out to me that Dr. Marks said is one of the reasons God didn’t instantly give Adam the gift of companionship immediately is so he could understand how desperately he needed Eve. We cannot understand the blessing of togetherness without first knowing the pain of loneliness. This is so evident in the passage; we are made to be close not only to God, but to others. Adam would interact and walk with God every single day in paradise before Eve was brought to him. And yet, he still felt the pain of being alone.

But the biggest thing that stuck out to me was when Dr. Marks said, “Adam didn’t wake up and Eve was suddenly just there; It says that God brought her to him.” In the past few months, God’s been doing some really heavy work in my life, and one of the biggest things is letting go of my control problems and my desire to find myself a husband. I realized recently that God will bring Dude (the affectionate nickname I have given to my future husband, whoever he may be) into my life and down my path whenever He sees fit. And Dude isn’t just going to show up. He is going to be walking hand in hand with God, just as I am, and God is going to lead him to me, introduce us, and then put our hands together so we can all start walking down this new hybrid path of our lives combined.

There are still days and nights where I get incredibly sad and lonely. There are times where it physically hurts how incredibly alone I feel. But Adam felt the same way. And that is such an encouragement. Adam, who physically walked with God in paradise when all that existed was perfection, felt the same pain. It makes complete sense for me to feel that pain today in a fallen world.

Tonight, however, I gained a new perspective on the pain of loneliness. This loneliness is here for several reasons. It is here to draw me even closer to God and lean on Him and his closeness in this time of singleness. It is there to draw me closer to the non-romantic relationships in my life. It is there to allow me to take the love I want to be able to give to a husband and to pour it into the lives of even more people in a different form. Being in this period of waiting allows me the time and experience that comes with learning how to love different kinds of people in the way that best meets their greatest needs so I can one day be able to meet Dude’s needs without it being a large learning process. Finally, the pain of loneliness is what will allow me to be able to fully appreciate Dude every single day as we walk through life as partners.

So for right now, I will cherish the loneliness, with the understanding and hope that one day, I will not be alone anymore. I will not chase after men in the hopes they are “The One.” We are specifically instructed not to do so in Song of Songs (“Do not stir up love until its time.”) Instead, I will let myself cry. And I will let myself acknowledge the feeling of being alone. I will pour that love I want to give into the lives of those already around me. And one day, God will bring Dude walking down the path to meet me.

Waiting in patience,

Emily E.

When the World Feels Silent

About a week and a half ago, I wrote this post in a moment of weakness and loneliness. I hope it can encourage you all in your lives.

Earlier today, I had a sudden overwhelming feeling that I was not wanted. That my friends from school suddenly grown tired and annoyed with me. I felt in that instant that I meant nothing to anyone I have grown to love and cherish.

“No one has really talked to me today. Or yesterday. I’ve tried to talk to everyone but no one is really responding. Have I done something wrong? Am I too much, too talkative for them? Do any of them even like me? Why do I even bother? I lose all of my friends eventually anyway. They don’t want me; no one wants me. The universe is ignoring my existence.”

These thoughts, and so many others like them, bounced around my head in the matter of seconds. And this kind of thinking has been commonplace in my life for so long. I have struggled with negative self-thinking daily, and in the past year, it has been even worse. So much so that recently, I found a journal from the fall saying, “I don’t mind shouting aimlessly into the void, as long as the void remembers to shout back from time to time.” Even then, I felt as though nothing I did ever mattered or gained attention from anyone.

And then, within the same few seconds these ideas came flooding back into my mind, so did ideas that fought back against it. “No, no daughter. No, my child, I want you, I hear you, I delight in you when you speak.”

“No, she is precious, she is needed. She is not ignored at all. He hear’s all of it, He sees all of it.”

“Stop hurting me, I am safe in God’s arms.”

For the first time I can remember, when the negative voices arose, positive ones rose up as well. Instead of being sucked into the darkness of shame, hatred, and pain, I found myself caught in the middle of a war between the lies that Satan and my own sin nature had fed me for so long, and the truth that has finally been taking hold and growing in my soul and mind. And of its own accord, without prompting from anyone of my friends that I used to cling to.

It is hours later, and since then, I have talked to most of my friends, all good, positive conversations. Yet here I am, still wrestling with myself non-stop. Constantly feeling like any second the rug could be pulled out from under me and they could all be gone in a heartbeat. Constantly reminding myself that they all love me and that they would never just leave. I have been constantly trying to remind myself to think rationally. Some of them are at work, others are living their lives with other friends who deserve just as much love and attention as I do.

I am an incredibly emotional, extroverted person. I thrive off the energy of my friends. But when they are not around and they aren’t talking to me for any number of reasons, my energy and my outlook on life drops dramatically. I am slightly ashamed about this, but I understand it is a part of who I am and who God made me to be. Thinking with introverted rationale is incredibly difficult for me.

So why now? Why has this all been happening now? Why am I fighting so vehemently

within myself tonight? Because today the universe, the void, Creation, has been silent to me. But why has it been silent today after days of being open and loud and learnable? And how do I make it stop? How do I silence the ferocity and forte of the lies?

I often have to remind myself in these moments that I am not the first person to feel as if God, the universe, everyone around them has stopped talking to them. That is one of the reasons, even before I finally handed every bit of my life over to God’s control once and for all, I felt called to write. So others will not have to feel as lonely as I do at times.

Now, in the freshness of that feeling of loneliness, I feel compelled to write through my pain. Not only to process why I am struggling so badly, but to give those who are hurting a way to ease that hurt. Most importantly, it is through moments like these where God seems to speak the loudest, where His glory shines through our cracked, clay pots the brightest.

Today, the universe was silent and ignored me, because I had ignored it. I felt disconnected and forcible removed from happiness and peace because I decided not to give my time today to God. I woke up, and immediately focused on others things rather than opening my Bible like I have been and writing in my bible study journal. Since the beginning of the month, I have consistently been desiring to read the Bible, not because I know I’m supposed to, but because I’ve been craving it. Recently, I have been getting healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually. My anxiety and such things have been the lowest and least noticeable they have been in a long time because it’s all been in God’s hands.

Today though, it seems that I did not even acknowledge God’s movement in my life. So God was silent and ignored me because I decided to ignore Him. This is not how we should handle a relationship at all! To feel the presence of God, and to see Him constantly working in our lives, we must be close enough to Him to understand that it’s all for Him in the first place.

God never desires for His children to feel lonely. In the Bible, He is constantly calling us to draw near to Him. In Isaiah 55:1-3, He calls out to those who need His compassion: “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live; and I will make with you an everlasting covenant, my steadfast, sure love for David.”

We must be close enough to God’s Word, constantly exposing ourselves to it and the truth within, to be able to hear it, and in turn to be close enough to feel we are heard.

Learning through weakness,

Emily E. 

An Open Letter to Liberty University and David Nasser

So out of the 20+ speakers who are scheduled for the upcoming Fall 2015 Liberty University convocation this year, only 5 of these are women, and one of them has a man scheduled to speak the same day.

First of all, I would like to take a moment to write specifically to David Nasser. Pastor Nasser, I applaud you and your work here at Liberty University. I do. I am in full support of you and everything you have done for this school even in the single year you have been here. I could not be happier with a campus pastor. I know you faced a lot of opposition from a lot of different people here since you joined the LU family. And on behalf of the student body and those who agree with me, I sincerely apologize. You do not deserve, nor have you done anything to deserve, the criticism and the terrible words you received. You are a blessing to this school and I am excited and expectant to see what positivity you bring to us in the years to come.

But, to whom it may concern, and to you as well, Pastor, I want to extend a suggestion: You need to bring on more women convocation speakers. Approximately 56.5% of both the residential and online population or Liberty University is female. That is your demographic. These young women are the majority. Young women don’t need middle age, married men with 2.5 children telling them how to live out their faith. They need older women who have successfully navigated the world both as a Christian and as a woman, as well as everything else that comes along with those titles. If any of the young women (or any of the women for that matter), who sit on campus or who watch live streams of convocation come from a similar background I do, they didn’t have a lot of women leaders. They didn’t have good, godly, Christian examples to look up to. They had mothers and grandmothers, yes, but they almost certainly did not have other women they were taught about or they heard about who were successful in their fields and lives and who were also Christians. I know I did not. Now, we are in college or we are continuing our education, and in this time we have to expand our horizons and see farther beyond our homes and our childhoods, we still do not have strong, Christian women to look up to and to sit under. We are still listening to men. And yes, men are the ones who God ordained to be pastors. I understand that and agree with that. It is biblically-based and sound.

 But, Liberty University, you do not invite just pastors onto your stage. You invite all kinds of people into Vines Center. You invite politicians and journalists and authors and comedians and missionaries and performers into our Liberty Bubble. So why can’t any of these people be women? There are women politicians and journalists and authors and comedians and missionaries and performers who are all successful and who are very good examples to bring in. Women have just as much experience in their lifetimes as their male counterparts do, and sometimes, they even have more experience. Yet we do not see them, and we do not know how to find these women. Liberty, you have an incredible opportunity to pour into the lives of these women. Because women are the doer’s of the world. Women do not sit and talk as men do. Women stand up, and women wake up before dawn, and women get things done. And this generation of women are so eager to get up and to move and to get things done. But when we do not see any other generations in front of us encouraging us on, we become disheartened and discontent.

This generation of Christian women do not need an older generation of men telling them the same thing 20 different ways. We NEED to see more successful women. We NEED to see Christian women who have overcome the stigma of being a woman. We do not need men telling us how they think we should succeed. We need women showing use how they themselves succeeded.

You have one TBA spot open in the Fall semester. I ask and I pray that you all deeply consider bringing in a woman to speak.

Frustrated and discouraged, 

Emily E. 

Midnight Thinking

So, I have had a really crumby day, and I can’t sleep because my brain is a real jerk sometimes. I just haven’t been feeling very motivated to do anything lately, and even though I’ve been trying to get in shape and get healthy and feel good about myself, the past week or so has just made me feel really insecure about my body, and today it all built upon itself and I feel terrible. I don’t like my body. It’s springtime and that means that there are a lot of people who are wearing short sleeves and shorts and dresses and all that happy fun stuff, and I have (stupidly) started comparing myself to all of the skinny, petite girls I see on campus. And that’s not healthy and I know it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t do it or that I find it easy to ignore it.

Let’s face it. I am a girl who has grown up in a western 1^st world country, in which the female ideal fed to society is that of being skinny, blonde, long-haired, and clear-skinned. I am none of those (well, at the moment. I am a natural blonde and I do not enjoy my natural color, and long hair looks weird on me.) I am chubby, I gained more weight than I care to admit in the past year I’ve been away at school, my face has been breaking out lately, and compared to every other girl I see I do not feel beautiful.

And that is the key, I do not feel beautiful. I know that I am, but lately, it’s been incredibly hard to believe. And while I am sitting here watching Daredevil and looking at workouts and feeling sorry for myself and lying in bed covered in self-hatred, I decided to write. Because writing, in all its magic and mystery and power, is the most cathartic tool in my self-care arsenal. And I don’t know what I am writing, I don’t know why I want to write, after all this time of trying to write a number of different posts and coming up blanker than a painting of a rabbit in a snowstorm. I don’t know why I want to write about my body.

Truth be told, I hate my body. I hate my hair, how straight it is. I hate my hair, how it doesn’t hold a curl or hold any sort of shape whatsoever. I hate that my hair doesn’t do what I want it to do. I hate how I hold so much of my self-worth and my self-esteem in my hair. I hate how I don’t trust anyone but my hairdresser to touch it. I hate my face, I hate the shape of it, and I hate that I have gained weight on it. I hate how I have too small features, and how my forehead always breaks out first. I hate that my eyebrows don’t arch naturally and that they look like straight lines running toward either ear. I hate my eyes and how they are so boringly brown. I hate that I can count the number of people who have ever complimented the color of my eyes on one hand. I hate my nose, how one side sticks out a bit from where I ran into a telephone pole in middle school. I hate that it is constantly covered in irremovable blackheads that will not go away for anything. I hate that I still have dark inner corners under my eyes, and how they will probably never going to go away. I hate how my cheeks get terribly red when I get nervous, when I get embarrassed, when I work out, and how they don’t go back to normal until it is two hours later and I look like a flushed, drunken girl. I hate my lips, that they are too small, and how I will never be able to project my voice loud enough to take a lead in a song because I cannot open my mouth any wider. I hate that my jawline has disappeared, and how nice and tight and clean and straight it used to be. I hate that I tilt my head down slightly and I make a double (heck, sometimes even triple) chin.

I hate my neck, how at the back of it there’s a lump above my spine that sticks out horribly. I hate that a muscle in the left side is always hurting. I hate my shoulders, how one doesn’t fit in place properly, and how one fits a little too properly. I hate that all I have to do is move it and it pops. I hate my back, for being so crooked and bent and broken that it hurts. I hate that my back causes every part of my body to be crooked, and how nothing is even anymore. I hate my collarbones, how I can’t see them anymore, and how nice they looked when I was smaller. I hate my chest, how it breaks out in acne for no reason at all. I hate my lungs because they can’t hold all the breath I need them to and how they are the first to act out when I have an anxiety attack. I hate my stomach for not being able to eat before 9 am. I hate that my stomach isn’t flat anymore, how it’s bloated and clinging to the fat and the sugar and the other foods I have tried to stop eating. I hate my uterus, for extracting revenge on me every month because surprise, surprise, no baby has been made. (Woman’s body want baby, woman doesn’t want baby, woman’s body takes revenge) I hate that it puts me in pain.

I hate my thighs, how they are so big and covered in stretch marks. How they run into things constantly. I hate my knees for bending the wrong ways, and for popping when I stand up, and for hurting for no good reason at all. I hate my calves and my muscles for tightening up when I walk and for cramping up when I’m lying in bed. I hate how I have to constantly shave to keep them looking decent. I hate my ankles for being dry and flaky and gross. I hate my feet for being too big, for being calloused and discolored. I hate my toes for bending funny and pointing in weird directions. 

 So, I have had a really crumby day, and I can’t sleep because my brain is a real jerk sometimes. I just haven’t been feeling very motivated to do anything lately, and even though I’ve been trying to get in shape and get healthy and feel good about myself, the past week or so has just made me feel really insecure about my body, and today it all built upon itself and I feel terrible. I don’t like my body. It’s springtime and that means that there are a lot of people who are wearing short sleeves and shorts and dresses and all that happy fun stuff, and I have (stupidly) started comparing myself to all of the skinny, petite girls I see on campus. And that’s not healthy and I know it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t do it or that I find it easy to ignore it.

Let’s face it. I am a girl who has grown up in a western 1st world country, in which the female ideal fed to society is that of being skinny, blonde, long-haired, and clear-skinned. I am none of those (well, at the moment. I am a natural blonde and I do not enjoy my natural color, and long hair looks weird on me.) I am chubby, I gained more weight than I care to admit in the past year I’ve been away at school, my face has been breaking out lately, and compared to every other girl I see I do not feel beautiful.

And that is the key, I do not feel beautiful. I know that I am, but lately, it’s been incredibly hard to believe. And while I am sitting here watching Daredevil and looking at workouts and feeling sorry for myself and lying in bed covered in self-hatred, I decided to write. Because writing, in all its magic and mystery and power, is the most cathartic tool in my self-care arsenal. And I don’t know what I am writing, I don’t know why I want to write, after all this time of trying to write a number of different posts and coming up blanker than a painting of a rabbit in a snowstorm. I don’t know why I want to write about my body.

Truth be told, I love my body. I love my hair, how I can easily experiment on it. I love my hair, how I can use it to express myself and my creativity. I love that I hold my self-esteem in the state of my hair, and how a good hair day equals a good day sometimes. I love that I value and respect this part of my body so much that I only trust one person to take care of it. I love my face, how it makes a wonderfully blank canvas to apply makeup and create art on. I love the shape of it, that it is versatile and has a captivity about it.  I love my forehead, how it is neither too small or too big. I love my eyebrows, how they do not fit the status quo or the fashion of the time, but rather how they fit perfectly within the proportions of my face and sit strongly above my eyes. I love my eyes and how they are so deeply brown. I love that they are beautiful but often overlooked, only noticed by those who make an effort to see them. I love my nose, how it fits perfectly with the rest of my silhouette when I turn to look at it in profile. I love the vein you can barely see against the skin under my right eye and how it will always be there. I love that my cheeks tend to give away my feelings, and how they show me that I have worked hard to keep the color in them after a workout. I love my lips, how they are perfectly set on my face and how they are perfectly shaped, not too full and not too flat for me. I love that my jawline is still visible and that in some moments it is still strong and tight and beautiful. I love that I can entertain myself and love myself, even with two or three chins.

I love my neck, how it helps me keep my chin up and my head held high. I love my shoulders, how they are strong and broad and able to carry the weight of more than I will ever be able to imagine. I love my back, for keeping me standing tall even when I do not feel like I can stand with confidence. I love my collarbones, for sticking out ever so slightly, and for helping me look healthy. I love my chest, how it keeps my lungs and heart inside and safe. I love my lungs, how, after all this time, they still do not stop working. I love that my stomach doesn’t hurt when I eat anymore. I love my stomach because it is not flat, it is not concave, and it is healthy. I love my uterus because one day it is going help me bring a beautiful life into the world. I love that it works just like it should.

I love my thighs, for how strong and sturdy they are. I love that they keep me standing and they do not let me fall. I love my knees for helping me walk and run and jump. I love my calves and muscles because they just look so. dang.good. I love my ankles for working and bending and twisting properly. I love my feet for keeping me grounded and for helping me feel the earth beneath me. I love my toes for helping me keep balanced and to help me go on adventures.

Because at the end of the day, it’s good to write down what you don’t like, but it’s good to counteract that with what you do. Because even loving yourself is something that I figured out a while ago, it is still a constant process and something I still have to learn every single day. 

Learning to love the body God gave me, 

Emily E. 

The Desire for Community and the Joy It Brings.

It's amazing the way things you knew before are reinforced throughout your life. As a child, I was taught that community is important, first with your family, second with your church, and third with your friends. And I feel as though the past couple of weeks I have been seeing this exemplified.

Spring Break has come and gone, my online classes are over, and I got a job (YAY!) I work 8:30-4:30 the days I go in, and that leaves me with a considerable amount of time to do stuff after I get off, and I get done with classes around the same time on those days. And it gives me the opportunity not only to take care of and focus on myself when I need to, but to also engage in the lives around me. I love to encourage and uplift people. It brings me joy to see other people happy and healthy. Seeing others praise God fills me with a desire to praise God. The community you surround yourself in will definitely influence the way you see life and the way you feel from day to day. But you also have the same ability to influence those around you.

My first day of work, I decided I was going to start working out. What??? If you know me, I would rather do anything else than workout most of the time. But this idea that I have an adult job in an office now and I have more adult responsibilities have given me a push to get into better shape I guess? I think a part of it is that I turned 20 over break and that was a hard thing to handle. I'm the second person in my close group of friends back home to age out of the teen years and that's a hard thing to deal with. But I decided to step up and go ahead and take care of myself now when I am already moderately healthy then try to tackle a bigger problem later. And one of the biggest reasons I've stuck with it for almost two weeks now without quitting is that I have a giant support group encouraging me to keep going and not give up and I want to keep up the work to prove to them that I can do it. Not in a prideful way, but in a "You encouraged me and I don't want to let you down" way. Having that community of people who will hold me accountable has helped me to keep going.

Within all relationships and communities, you must first uplift and take care of others, and they in return will uplift and take care of you. And throughout all of this mutual encouragement, God is constantly being praised and uplifted. And through community we become strong enough to handle tragedy, big or small. Community is the most important aspect of life for the Christian and is something the church of Acts understood very well.  They gathered together on the day of Pentecost (2:1) and were constantly meeting every day (2:46-47).

Gather together under the banner of Christ, rejoice with praise, bow in prayer, and love one another in community. Because at the end of our lives, all we have is Jesus and the community of Heaven.

In Christ, and In Love,
Emily E. 

Breaking a Paralyzed Heart

This week has been absolutely amazing so far. For those who do not know, Christine Caine, the founder of the A21 Campaign, one of the largest anti- trafficking organizations in the world, is launching her new project, Propel Women, this week and has chosen to kick it off here at Liberty. I will be writing a post on Saturday summing up the entire week, but I want to talk to you all specifically about tonight.

Tonight Christine spoke at Campus Community (previously named Campus Church), and it was a message straight from God. I feel like there is a lot I don't know how to get out in a way that makes sense, but I'm going to at least try. First I want to share some points I got from her sermon, and then what God revealed to me tonight.

• So many Christians live far beneath the freedom Christ died for.
• God needs and is looking for a generation that not only sings songs that say "no going back" but who believe it and is willing to act upon it.
• God is looking for and going to use unlikely people in unlikely places using an unlikely plan to gain an unlikely result.
• You don't know what God is going to do with you and where He is going to do it.
• We treat God like He doesn't know what we don't have, as if God doesn't know who He called. 
• The thing that makes you feel unqualified is the same thing God is going to use to bring Him the greatest glory. 
• Do not limit God's supernatural ability in and through your life.
• I do not have it all together, but God does have it all together.
• Would you just trust God?
• Begin the walk into freedom.

Tonight was, to quote Mrs. Caine, "awesome". But there was a lot to take in and a lot of realizations to wade through.

First, my heart has become paralyzed with fear and anxiety and doubt and worry. And all of these things have caused my heart and my spirit to become hardened and overwhelmed and this has caused me to push God away to a point. I have lost sight of the God and the heart of Jesus that I saw two years ago. The one that loves me no matter what.

Secondly, I've been trying to fix myself and my problems on my own again. Again. I've been trying to solve everything on my own. Take these oils, do these exercises, eat this not that, read these books. And while none of those are inherently bad, none of them are God. But when did I stop and pray? Where in that did I sit down and open my Bible? Why did I let my independent spirit push away the biggest Helper I have available to me?

I have lost sight of my long term vision. I have become so caught up in school that I've forgotten why I came here in the first place. I have forgotten my heart's true passion to help people. That is all my heart wants to do when fueled by the Holy Spirit. I want to help people, no matter what or in what way. And I can't help people when I have forgotten who it is who fuels that passion. I have gotten caught up in the waves of busyness and learning and discovery.

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

My eyes aren't above the ways. I can't even see the sun. How blind and ignorant I have become to my own pain and confusion.

That being said, I have come to the point where I cannot handle this on my own. I am not able to manage this by myself, but I don't know where to start in being able to get back on track. I will be looking into the school's counseling services. I've heard excellent things from other students who have benefited from their services and I believe this is what I need. I do not know how to handle myself anymore. 

I have lost sight of the me that Jesus sees. I have missed the passion that I had even a few months ago. I have lost sight of my Christ identity. It is going to be a journey to find it again, and it is going to be a struggle to repair my relationship with Christ again. But for me, I know that it will be much better to ask for help from the right people now than the wrong people then. 

So. Pray for me. Pray for the rest of this week on campus, and for the beginning of the Propel Women movement. 

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I do not have it all together, but God does.

I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER, BUT GOD DOES.

Emily E.

As a child, I was selfish, I was greedy, I was mad when things didn't go the way I wanted them to. That is my heart. That is my humanity, it is my nature to want everyone to work their lives around mine, because I am the most important, I am the most valuable person on the planet. I think everyone else is inferior. And that is how I normally think. That is how I normally live. That is my human nature. My sinful, twisted human nature. I don't inherently like people. I think people are ignorant and ugly and rude and annoying. People irritate me to no end. I defined love as people waiting hand and foot on me and appealing to my desires and then leaving me alone. I walk around with a perpetual face of murder. This is how I have been for a very long time.

But then I fell in love with Jesus, because Jesus fell in love with me, and then, not only did He fall in love with me, He showed me. He wooed me, and He pursued me. He ran after my cold, dead, twisted, sinful, hateful heart. And He won it. I accepted the gift of Salvation when I was six, but until a year ago, I played a game, I treated Him like I treated everyone else. I used Him when I needed Him. And He let it happen for so long. But when I saw, when I truly saw, not with my mind and my eyes, but with my heart and my soul, that Jesus loved me so incredibly, selflessly, and completely, it changed my entire life. Now, I see myself as nothing but equal to everyone else on the planet. I have lowered myself and to some point, I have elevated everyone else above me to a degree. I find other people enthrallingly intelligent, beautiful, kind, and pleasurable to be around. I have come to love people (because let's face it, some people are really hard to like). People are a minefield of knowledge and experiences and it's beautiful. I now define love as me giving and pouring out to people, and seeing others do the same in return. I pull out of myself and I give what I can. I learn, I research, and I give my knowledge as much as I can. Granted, I still walk around with a face of murder, but some habits are hard to break. And I am still learning how to live like this.

Love pursued me, loved wooed me. Love saved me. And I can't hold in this love I have. Because this love I feel, I can't not let other people have a chance at feeling it and being saved by it as well. The entire world deserves to know that Jesus loves them. All of them. All the Atheists, the pagans, the Muslims, the Hindus, the Buddhists. All of them do not worship Christ, because they do not know the truth about Him. The downtrodden, the needy, the weak, they do not know the power and strength and hope that love and Jesus has given me. It is by the hope and peace of God that I do not go insane, that my life is not worse than it is, that I do not torture myself because of all that goes on within me. It is that same peace that I wish to give to people.

That is the biggest difference in my life now. I want to give to others, instead of having others give to me. I want to invest in the lives of individuals, instead of ignoring them or meet them in passing. I want to reach out and minister to those who need it the most. I want to give my life as an investment into theirs. And I don't think I want anything in return. The joy of knowing that I have tried to help someone else, and maybe even succeeding in helping is all the payment I need.

Growing constantly, Giving continuously,
Emily E.

Things I Wish the Church Would Get Over and Talk About

There are a lot of things I see wrong with the church. And the more I talk to people here at Liberty, the more people I discover agree with me. I've also met some people who don't agree with me and think I'm a little too liberal in my ideas. But hear me out. I think Christians have set up this "fight or flight" mindset in that if the world around them doesn't agree with them or outright rejects them and their beliefs that they must either set up a wall of defense and stay safe within the church building, or they push their faith on nonbelievers even more and it turns into them setting out on what is essentially a Holy War against them. This seems ridiculous and completely unnecessary. So, here are some things I think the modern Christian needs to stop ignoring or making taboo and start talking about.

Your body is Not Dirty or Evil.
The human body was made exactly how it was meant to be made. God made your body, and no part of that is bad. It's your God given body, and God's Creation was made inherently good. Now, what people decide to do with that body may be wrong, and may be deviant from God's law, but your body is not wrong. Your body is a work of art, and I can only imagine how sad it makes the Artist when you think that it is not good or beautiful or wonderful.

This pertains to a lot of different aspects. Mostly it's this sex-negative mindset that so many Christians teach their children, not telling them the proper names of the parts of their bodies, and telling them lies about their bodies and other people's bodies. I don't know why this is even a problem or an issue. How can your child be comfortable with themselves if they don't even know the real name of the body in their pants? Sex-positive thinking does not say, "Yes, you can have sex whenever you want with whoever you want as long as you keep it safe." It says, "This is your body, these are the parts of your body, and this is how you take care of it. Your body is beautiful and there is nothing wrong with you. You need to make wise, educated choices and make sure you keep yourself healthy and out of danger." Sex-positive thinking is not about liberation, it's about education. You're going to spend your entire life living in your body, and that body is going to do the best it can to keep you alive and protected and give you the chance to live an awesome, wonderful life. But how can you live within something that you know so little about? If your kid has questions, answer them honestly, if you don't know, research. Then tell them in an age-appropriate manner.

Another aspect is in body image. Not only has secular society determined what we think is beautiful and acceptable for both men and women, but the church has followed this adamantly. Not so much in telling people what they should look like, but what they shouldn't look like. Because in some ways, formulating a list of "Do Not" rules, is a lot easier than sitting down and understanding what the Bible says is good for your body and for the Christian idea of body image. So we have so many people, especially women of all ages, who struggle with accepting their bodies natural structure, and who don't understand that everyone has a genetic tendency to a certain weight, and that there is no one healthy weight or shape or size or height. And it isn't just women, I see so many men at church and overhear so many conversations about how they are struggling to keep up with some new diet or work out regime that they have set up for themselves, and it is so disheartening to think that people are trying to push their bodies to be something they aren't. I am not saying it is wrong to want to be healthy or to make active choices in staying healthy. But when we get to a point where we end up worshiping a certain body type instead of worshiping the God who made those bodies, we end up with a power struggle for what has more of our attention.

The Rest of the World Does Not Have to be Held to Our Biblical Standards and Rules.
What???? This is preposterous! Of course, the world has to be held to our standards because our's are right and everyone else is wrong!!

Just...hush. Be quiet, you sound like a child when you say these things. Yes, they may be wrong, and they may not believe the same basic things you do, but guess what? Many Christians say that about other Christians!! In some cases, you have Christians who just inherently believe they are better than every other person in the world, and they think every one else who doesn't believe exactly like they believe is wrong and evil and going to be damned to hell for eternity. And that's an awful, toxic mindset. But it is there, and many of us seem to have a diluted version of this mindset in some way or another. We think that at the end of the day, everyone is still to be held responsible to the Biblical mandates and laws that we are held to. Quite simply, this is not the case. God gives us those laws and such that we may look different than the rest of the world and to shine a light in the darkness. No one but Christians are to be held by other Christians to these standards. No one. Not American society, not Muslims, not Atheists, not any one whom you do not specifically know is a Christian. If you know for a fact that they are a Christian, yes you can hold them accountable to biblical law. But if you aren't certain, then don't shame or condemn another person because they live a different life than you.

It is not our job to change the world's outlook on life as a whole. It is our job to focus on the one, the close, those who are already around us. It is not the job of the Christian or the church to target a specific part of our culture. We should not be trying to change Hollywood, or the LGBTQIA+ community, or the government, or any other group as a whole. One at a time, get close to people, make relationships, invest in individual lives. It's not about the most change you can make in the entire world, it's about the singular lives who are shown the beauty and grace of God's love.

Please Stop Oppressing People.
I know there are people out there that will say that the Christian church across the world is the one being oppressed, and worldwide, yes. But here in the West, we have literally no oppression. We are not being systematically murdered, we are not being discriminated against on a daily and widespread basis. We are not being denied basic human rights for our beliefs. As hard as it is to believe, over the course of history, the Western Church has been the cause of most of the oppression in the world, including the Crusades, slavery, and other minority struggles have been caused by the church and their desire to eradicate all other religions and cultures in the world. (White Man's Burden anybody?) We are not supposed to destroy other people's right to a pleasant and fulfilling life. We are supposed to show them the only true way to fulfillment and Salvation. The only way to do that in our world today seems to be to show love. More specifically, the love of Christ. Why is Christianity not characterized by the Love of Christ anymore? Why are we not known for our outreached arms and outgoing feet? Love is what everyone is desiring for, whether they realize it not, and the ultimate source of love is the Cross. We need to stop pushing shame, and start pushing Love and grace. That is what gets people's attention. Love and caring, not oppression.

Politics are Completely Different than Church Ordinances.
I am not going to bring up an argument about church and state, because I honestly don't know exactly what it is and I have had it explained to me to be several different things, and none of them make a lot of sense. But I do want to remind you, that the pastor can preach about the Bible's moral absolutes, of course, but when they try to get up and say that those moral absolutes should be forced upon the rest of the country or area in which you live through laws with a religious background, that's when we have a problem. A pastor's job is not to tell you how to think politically. It is the job of the pastor to shepherd the church and to guide them to the path of spiritual righteousness. How a person applies that to their political views is completely up to the individual, not the pastor. Please don't abuse the power of the pulpit.

The Country was not Founded Upon the Idea of Freedom of Religion Alone, and it was not Written Into our Constitution Sspecifically and Only for Christianity.
This country was not founded solely for the reason of Freedom of Religion. If anything, we must remember that our country did not fight for nor gain independence until 167 years after Jamestown was founded. This means that there was no correlation between the Pilgrims' reason for leaving England and the Founding Fathers reason for fighting for independence. Everyone who came over on the boats were long dead, and the biggest reason for the War of Independence was taxation. There are not connecting factors there. So please, stop misquoting history, it makes us all seem ignorant when we aren't.  Some of us actually paid attention in high school history class, and a lot more of us know how to look up the real facts on the internet. Our country was not even founded by what most of us would consider Christians. Many of the signers of the Declaration of Independence were Deists, who do not believe in divine providence, nor in divine sovereignty. So, that being said, many most likely did not think to ask God to bless our country, or asked God for anything, because Deism says that God made everything in Creation, then stepped away and has left it alone since then and has no direct involvement with the world.

The World Sucks, Stop Making it Seem Happy.
Look, the world, because it has been enveloped by sin (which is an embodiment of evil, which is the perversion of good), and because of that, the world is an awful horrid place. There is death, there is violence, there is sickness, poverty, greed, abuse. The world, not even our own specific version of our own personal world, is going to be better, or get happier, by becoming a Christian or donating to a church or a Christian organization. Pastors, do not lead the people, who have trusted you to tell them Biblical truth, to believe that which is not true. Show them the heartache and the pain they will feel having to leave family behind because they do not believe. Show them what happens when they decide to accept a gift of holiness and salvation. Show them what other Christians suffer through all over the world, and teach them the selflessness of Jesus to try to help them. Teach them prayer and supplication, teach them mercy. The world sucks, please don't sugarcoat that.

The World is Beautiful, Stop Making it Seem Awful.
The world, while full of evil, is still a part of the Creation of God, who made it in perfection and beauty. IF we look, the world is still full of that beauty. The mountains, the oceans, the fields. The cities, the countries, the villages, all of them are still full of happiness, whether we see it or not. In every place, weddings, births, birthdays are full of joy. Holidays are taken as days of rest and celebration. Throughout every day, there are people blessing other people, spreading happiness, spreading joy, spreading love. Even places where the joy and love of Jesus have never been told of, people have these things, because they set out to have these things. The flowers still bloom, the sun still rises, the forests still stand. The oceans still house an entirely different world, the entirety of the universe is still expanding, still growing, and still burning bright. There is so much we overlook sometimes, because we get so caught up in the bad news, the suffering. We need to remember that all around us, there are children learning to walk, babies learning to laugh, and couples celebrating 50 years of marriage.

I feel like American churches and pastors forget this all so often, and I pray that we don't continue this trend.
Emily E.

Beach Memories

So, as some of you may know, I have grown up in Florida. Everywhere I go, I have been asked whether I went to the beach a lot growing up, and I always have to answer yes. Recently, I've been wanting to go back for a day, just to have fun. I've also been thinking about memories about past trips, and which memories are my favorite. And I recall one vividly.

I was camping with a church group, and the teenagers had all decided to go to the beach that was across the street from the campsite. It was a terribly cloudy day, and there was a storm rolling in. We got to the boardwalk and sat there for a while, just talking. It was cold and windy and dark, but it was good. We watched the boys climb the dunes and push each other down, and we sang Disney songs like the silly children that we were.

After we got bored of the boardwalk (haha play on words), we finally walked down to the beach. And it was terrible. the wind blasted the sand against our legs and into our eyes, we felt the ocean spray stick to our arms. But it was wonderful at the same time. The smell of the salt and rain on the horizon, and the gulls were sitting on their nests, waiting for the rain to come. We stood around watching the waves, sticking our feet into the freezing waters. There was a thunderstorm warning, and the foam on the waves was incredibly thick.

It was awful, but yet it wasn't. Because it was one of those moments where I felt a sense of peace that you can  only feel when surrounded by your friends with the natural silence of a collective state of contentment. We didn't care that it was cold. We didn't care that we had sand sticking to us, we had each other, and it was good.

In Canada, I learned of the Hebrew word Tov. Many people sometimes get this word's definition confused with the word perfection. But tov does not mean perfect. It literally translates to "the way I intend to be." It is a word of reverence, of awe and a word of peace. It is that stillness you feel where, no matter what else is wrong with the world, at that moment, everything is okay. It is a word you say with peace, after something beautiful. Many of my beach memories have been ones that I associate with tov. Because at the end of your time there, you walk back up the beach and you look back one last time, and you smile. Because you had fun (hopefully), and something about the beach just makes you feel a little bit closer to nature and to God.

As the weeks pass and the countdown to Liberty gets shorter, I've realized a lot of things. I realize that I'm not going to have the chance to make anymore of those memories. I'll be in the mountains of Virginia, not the beaches of Florida. I'll have more moments of tov,but they wont be the same kind of moments. They'll be mountain memories, which are just as lovely in my mind as beach memories. But I'll have a new set of friends, a new set of souls to share these memories with, and part of me is feeling bittersweet about this. I think my friends and my family and I are all starting to realize that me, and a couple of other friends, are leaving to start a new part of our lives. We are going off to follow God's call for our lives, and we may not ever come back home. And so we have all decided to make this summer, the best summer ever. We have decided that we are going to pack as much into these months as we can. And we still have a lot of things planned. This is going to be a summer of tov. And while some things may not end up the way we think they will be, in the end, the camaraderie and the friendships we deepen and cement are going to be the ones I remember. I'll forget high school memories, but I won't forget the times when we face changes.

Change is scary, I'm not going to lie. I'm going to go away and my friends are going to keep living life without me. And when I come back for visits, things are going to have continued without me. And while I experienced that some when I was in Canada, it's going to be so much harder I think, because I know that I'm going to keep moving on, and I'm going to start my life as an adult, I'm going to be studying to start my career and keep moving forward, and everyone else is going to go in different directions. And while this is normal and is nothing to be afraid of, it still leaves me wondering, what is going to be my next tov moment? Who is going to be with me when I make an everlasting memory?

But, with this idea of tov, I remember that it's not about change, or about perfection, it's about peace. And peace is somthing that I don't naturally have a lot of. And so, I strive for peace in my life. I strive for peace in my worrying, for peace in my decisions. Because that is tov.

Emily E.

The Clare Issue

I am livid. I am furious, I am beyond appalled. For those of you that haven't seen the story, or for those of you who live outside the United States, a girl in Virginia was kicked out of her homeschool senior prom over the weekend for an absolutely ridiculous reason.

She was kicked out because the organizers of the event thought her dress, though suitable within dress code and not the shortest one there, was inappropriate and that her dancing, which she was not doing, was also inappropriate and that she was causing "the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts." Not only that, but the way she and the rest of her group was treated by the organizer of the prom was absolutely unprofessional and horrendous.

Here is the story, and here is the follow up post. Please excuse any explicit language you may come across.

Now, there is a lot going on here, and I want to address it all. First of all, go Clare for being excited and comfortable with your body and being able to absolutely rock that dress, and for breaking the racial boundaries that the South is known to have. Your boyfriend seems very sweet and I applaud him in his ability to keep calm during this whole ordeal. To have your significant other called out is a terrible thing and I'm sure this is hard on him and the rest of your family as well.

Secondly, I applaud both Clare and the rest of her group for trying to be as respectful and as mature about the situation as possible. I know at the end things got a little rough, but the fact that they even tried to go about this in a respectable, calm manner means volumes. I know personally, I would have had a fit right there, so I think they deserve a lot of respect for that.

Honestly, I think the teenagers handled this situation the best they could and used their resources and abilities to make the situation known. However, they did lose their temper at the end when they were escorted out, but they all agree that it was the wrong way to go about things.

What I am appalled with, is the way the adults handled this situation. The fact that the fathers, the fathers, were staring and ogling at the teenagers is disturbing as it is and should be addressed as such. There is a terrible, terrible stigma within church culture that it is the father/husbands job to moderate and keep tabs on what their daughters and wives wear. Honestly, I love my father and i respect him. He is the most important man in my life besides Jesus, and if he was uncomfortable with something i was wearing, I wouldn't wear it, and that goes for a majority of girls I know. I highly doubt from everything else I have read that her father would have let her out of the house in that dress had he not felt comfortable with her wearing it.

Secondly, I am disappointed that none of the other adults involved with leading the event got involved. It seems that this was the solely the responsibility of Mrs. D, who called her out both times and caused a commotion in the first place. When the other woman who pulled Clare aside was asked whether she believed it to be too short, she said it wasn't her place to say. So, one we see a woman abusing her power as organizer, and another who is not willing to get on her bad side. When asked, a security guard also said it wasn't his place to comment (which in all fairness, it wasn't. He's a security guard, not the fashion police).

This kind of thing happens all the time. You have one person who has some small leadership role, who blows up the significance of their responsibilities to the extreme, and because of this reason, others are afraid to contradict them. It was that woman's place to say whether or not she agreed with Mrs. D, and she should have given her opinion.

I'm utterly disgusted with the way these young adults were treated, honestly. they were shut down and not given a chance to defend their friend. Clare was falsely accused of dancing provocatively and her friends were not allowed to dispute this. This whole situation was skewed and the argument was one sided. There was no chance at defense, and had this been within a court of law, it would have never, ever been acceptable practice. Also, her entire group of six were given verbal promise of a refund for all having to be kicked out on unjust reasoning, and only Clare and her boyfriend have been given one.

This kind of behavior is disgusting in or out of the church. It is called slut shaming and it is being prejudiced or biased against a person for the clothing they choose to wear, whether it be revealing or not. It is wrong and it needs to stop. I am really really sad to know that church culture is so bad about this. We say we love everybody, yet we give them disapproving glances when they show up in clothing we think is unsuitable.

How dare we.
How dare we think that because we follow a guideline set for or specific religion or our specific denomination that must mean every other person in our presence should follow it too. Jesus Christ compels us, not to judge those around us, but to love them. And I am disgusted, i am appalled, I am livid.

But most of all, I am guilty. I grew up in church culture that didn't advocate this kind of behavior, but it didn't speak against it either. If a woman showed up to church or to anywhere really, and they were wearing something we didn't consider modest, we talked about it. My mother and I talked, my sister and I talked, my friends and I talked. It was harmless gossip, right? Well, looking back, I see how wrong I was. And I am sorry, that I have been a part of the problem. I am sorry that I grew up in a culture that encouraged slut shaming, and encouraged this kind of discrimination. And I fell into that without a second though.

With this whole situation arising, I've begun to evaluate how I feel about the whole modesty movement within churches today. And I realize that there are some things wrong with it. I feel that this post is already long enough, so I will be writing about it in a different post. But let me say right now: Modesty is a matter of the heart, not what you put on your body. It applies to men and women, and it is in no way gender exclusive.

Emily E.

Life, Peace, and Taking It One Day at a Time

Let's talk about peace. And how it affects our life.

Recently, I have had to go through some things that I should not have been peaceful about. But about two weeks ago, I realized that my relationship with God allows me to live my life without anxiety, without anger, and without worry. My relationship with Christ allows me to live in freedom, with peace and joy. And that's a really big deal.

Because even though I fell in love with Jesus, I didn't live in a very dedicated relationship. I remained devoted to Him because I had a relationship, but that didn't keep my eye from wandering. But a few weeks ago, I realized I had begun to walk away, I didn't care anymore. I was ready to stop going to church, to take a break.

And I got my heart broken. I tried to let someone else take the place of God, and it didn't work. But I made peace, because I didn't need that. It wouldn't have been good for me. And honestly, I'm glad, I'm humbled by the fact that God wanted me enough to call me back.

If some of you remember, I've been dealing with anxiety episodes since about August. And I have come to the point where I can look back and see it was because I was trying to do it myself. I wanted to do it, I wanted to plan my life my way. As I can attest to, and as the Bible warns, it doesn't work out.

You cannot live your life as a Christian, cut Christ out of your life choices, and expect to be successful. It simply doesn't work. I've tried it, my parents tried it when they were younger, I've seen really intelligent people try it. And they've screwed up. And they have all had to live with the consequences.

I also lost my job this week, and yet I have not been stressed about it, I have not been worried finding a new job. I am content with my life as it is right now. I have been going through the financial process with Liberty University, and I have hit some roadblocks. Some other schooling options have opened up, and I have been level-headed in searching for resources. I should not be this calm about it all.

But I have peace. Better yet, I have the Prince of Peace on my side.

So what do I have to fear?
Emily E.

Christianity and the Love of Jesus

So last night at church, we were talking about how Jesus told his first disciples to come and see, and follow Him. It got me thinking on Jesus's doctrines and lifestyle in general, and I realized something. Our Christian culture today, when trying to evangelize, tend to use either a fire and brimstone, you're going to hell if you don't believe in Jesus approach, or the happy happy happy everything is fine and dandy approach.

Neither of those are correct, but I want to focus on the fire and brimstone. I think today's North American church is all about getting as many people converted, and they aren't particularly focused on their spiritual health. We are constantly looking for the next soul to save, the next poor tortured person to pull from the grip of Hell, but for what? Where do we go with that conversation after saying, "Congratulations, you are now exempt from the fiery pits of Hell." Well, in a lot of instances, we don't do anything. We say good job, give them a pat on the back, then move on. And frankly, I don't think that's what Jesus would have wanted.

Jesus operated on the idea of love and mercy, not shame and judgement. And I don't think that's taught enough within the church, so it most certainly isn't taught outside of the church. And for that, I am truly sorry.

I grew up in a Baptist Church that became non-denominational while we were there, and I accepted Jesus into my heart at six years old, because I was afraid to go to hell. As a six year old, I was truly afraid, I wasn't looking for a relationship with a Savior, I was looking for a rescue. And after I found that rescue, I wanted to keep my Savior happy by doing what I was supposed to do. I wanted to follow the rules for fear of being punished. I realize now that probably wasn't the best way to go about things.

I am not saying my salvation at six years old was not real, because it was. But when I was in Vancouver over the summer, I didn't just realize that Christ's actions were out of love. I fell in love with a dead Man. Because that's what Christ was about. His actions were always backed by love, mercy, grace, forgiveness. And I saw that in Vancouver. I saw love in action, I wanted to become that love in action. So if you know me personally, and you hear me talk about how amazing Vancouver was, that's why. Because I fell in love with my Savior there.

Imagine it this way: A Prince and his Father looked around and saw that all of their people were doomed. And the only way they could fix it was to send the Prince to die in everyone's place. So He does. He steps down from his throne, willingly, and He lives life like his people. He actually ends up living worse than some of his people. He doesn't have a permanent home, he travels all the time. He goes around trying to woo his people, trying to tell them how much He loves them, and that soon He is going to die for them. And some of them believed Him, and some didn't. But eventually, they all realized that He was right. And some of them got upset, but the Prince said, "It's okay, I'm going to come back." And then He was killed. Brutally, disgustingly, in a way a Prince should not have to suffer. But He did; He was tortured, and he was beaten, and it was deplorable. And He died. And He stayed dead. And his followers, who loved Him, were discouraged, because one day passed, and then another, and still the Prince hadn't come back. But He said He would, they all thought, Surely the Prince would be able to cheat death. But He still did not come back. But the next day, they went to visit the tomb, and they discovered that the tomb was empty. Their Prince was gone! And He was with them again! For more than a month, He spent time with them, until he had to return to the throne. His job was done, and He had to go back to help His Father. But that didn't make Him love His people any less, He just loves them from a position of power.

At 18 years old, after having struggled to justify why I believed what I did, I realized, because I was loved. My entire life had been a process of Jesus wooing me to him through his love and sacrifice. And how, after seeing everything that He had done for me, could I say no?

I couldn't say no. It didn't make sense. I had nothing to live for except for Him, and He had already died for me. So what could I give Him in return to show my love? My life. I gave Him my life. And it hasn't been easy, in fact, I have found that I am just as moody some days now than I was before I discovered this love, but I always manage to catch a glimpse of a little miracle, of a flower opening, or a rabbit in the backyard eating, or of a baby crying, or of the sunset. And I remember, I am loved. And I am in love with a dead Man.

I want to love others that same way. I want to love with no boundaries, with nothing held back. I want to live with love constantly pouring out from every particle of my being. I want to be a walking billboard of love.

Emily E.

International Women's Day

Today is international Women's day and as a woman, I believe I have some words to say on this day. Before anyone asks, I am a feminist. Why? Doesn't feminism go against Christian doctrines? No, it does not. There are many places where the Bible holds women in high regard. The most quoted and probably most obvious place is Proverb 31, which talks about the Virtuous Wife, or the Capable Woman. It states:

"What, my son?
And what, son of my womb?
And what, son of my vows?
Do not give your strength to women,
Nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
It is not for kings, O Lemuel,
It is not for kings to drink wine,
Nor for princes intoxicating drink;
Lest they drink and forget the law,
And pervert the justice of all the afflicted.
Give strong drink to him who is perishing,
And wine to those who are bitter of heart.
Let him drink and forget his poverty,
And remember his misery no more.
Open your mouth for the speechless,
In the cause of all who are appointed to die.
Open your mouth, judge righteously,
And plead the cause of the poor and needy.
Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates."

Let's first off realize, that these words are not coming from the man writing, they are a direct quotation from his mother. This is what his mother has taught him, and this is how the author views women. He sees them as wise, strong, virtuous, thrifty, and a leader within the household. He respects women. He does not see them as silent creatures meant only for childbearing and housework, she is the financial analyst, the teacher of the children, the director of the massive play that is the servants and housekeepers. And then, we see in verse 24, "She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants." She works to gain an income. Let me repeat that.

In biblical times, the women were allowed and encouraged to make and sell goods as another means of income. I don't know how much I can stress this. Women, if you want to work, even if it is selling things on Etsy or whatnot part-time, then by all means, you can work! I know there are some women who have no desire to work outside of the home, and that is fine. But don't let any religious leader tell you that the Bible does not allow women to work. This is not true, and this theology should not be allowed to oppress anybody.

Let's see what else she does. She does good for her husband and not evil. What does this mean? Well, mainly, don't be disrespectful to your husband. But I think, as some of you are single like me, that it means don't disrespect anyone. She willingly works with her hands; She does things for her family because she wants to. If someone willingly does anything, it is probably something that brings them joy. She finds joy in providing for her family. She rises while it is yet night. I'm not going to lie, this seems to be strangely far-fetched for today's society. No one likes getting up before the crack of dawn, so this seems a little out there for most of us. But it helps her get things done, and have the most productive day possible. She provides food not only for her family, but for her servants as well. She treats everyone with equality and decency. No one under her roof goes without. She is business savvy; She considers a field and buys it. You need fields for one of two reasons. One, for crops. Two, for livestock. Now, in Israel, or at least in the Jerusalem area from what I have learned over the past few years, many people kept their livestock in collective groups, and they had big open hills where they take their livestock, especially their sheep, and as a community keep them and take care of them from there. So, the virtuous woman is most likely buying a field for crops, which means she has to know what kind of plant works with the soil in that field, what time that crop blooms and needs to be harvested, and what kind of profit her household is going to make from the crop. That's a lot to remember. She girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms. She doesn't sit around doing needlework all day, this woman is busy. She is involved in some kind of physical labor. She is not only mentally and emotionally strong, she is physically strong as well. 

She extends her hand to the poor. Again, she treats everyone with decency and respect. She gives what she can to those who need help. She makes sure her household is properly clothed and prepared for all seasons, and she does not fret when the winter comes. She opens her mouth and speaks with wisdom and kindness. There is no anger in her voice. She does not eat the bread of idleness; Again, she doesn't sit around and do nothing, she is an active participant and leader within her own home. Her children and husband call her blessed and give her praise.

So, we see the Bible praises women as an integral part of society and of a household. Women are permitted to work, and women can work and be good mothers. So what does this have to do with International Women's Day? Well, not much actually. But I wanted to show what I base my feminism on.

International Women's Day is all about women's rights. It is about equality for us, and respect for us as a gender. Around the world, women are subjected to violent patriarchal standards, and are not permitted to have the same freedoms that men are. It has gotten better, but is nowhere near where it should be. Women, we are the voice, and we need to stand up for those of us around the world who do not have the liberties that we have in Western society. So many women are forced into prostitution, slavery, and bondage because that is the last resort when you are needing to provide for your family. Women who work, are paid on average, less than half of what men across the globe is.

And you know what? This makes me angry. This hurts my heart. My heart breaks, my soul dies every time I hear a story about how these women across the world are not able to fend for themselves. That girls aren't getting an education they deserve. That they are continuing the cycle of poverty because they have no other choice. And it physically hurts my heart. How do I go about my life, with my set education, and my endless opportunities and say that I have no way to help them? Can I help them? I don't know. I feel so utterly hopeless when I look at the world and see how big the problem is and how small my actions are. 

But you would be dead wrong if you think that ever stops me from trying. That is why I write here. Because even though I do not have the ability nor the means to go and fight for my fellow women's freedoms, I have a voice. And you can bet your bottom dollar I'm going to keep writing until I no longer can. 

Women reading this, you are strong, and you are an integral part of our world. I am sorry for the oppression you may be facing wherever you are in this world, and I am sorry I cannot help you. My heart goes out to all of you on a daily basis, and I pray that you will one day have the equality and freedom that God wants you to have.

Emily E.

Mugshot Metaphor Project Submission

My style is like the weather. Bright, colorful and cheery one day, and sad, bleak, and gloomy the next. My style does not determine my outlook on life, nor does it define my life and my surroundings. My style will lead others to determine how they treat me though, whether it be good or bad. My style is like the weather, strong and confident. It embodies my personality, and it shines through the dark with the power of the sun. My style empowers me, it does not inhibit me. I make the best with what I've got, and I will not let it pull me down. My style is like the weather, ever changing and ever surprising. It changes with the seasons, and it never seems to stay constant. My style is like the weather, powerful and a force to be reckoned with. Not everyone will like my style; not everyone will like the weather. But do not judge me by my style, #judgemebythecontentofmycharacter.

My mind is like a tornado, constantly spinning and going and crashing through life. It takes an idea and turns it on its head, it obliterates it and leaves the pieces behind. It never stops until it runs out of energy, too exhausted to go on any farther. It leaves broken hearts and broken buildings in its wake. My mind is like a tornado. A buildup of pressurized passion mixed with the winds of creativity. My mind is like a tornado, spinning ideas into dreams and dreams into visions, and visions in goals. My mind will leave you bewildered, reaching for a stronghold against it's sheer knowledge. But do not judge me by my mind, #judgemebythecontentofmycharacter.

This was a project i had to do in Advanced Writing. We had to choose an aspect of us that is often misread or misunderstood and make it into a metaphor. I really enjoyed this assignment and thought I would share it with you all.

Emily E.

My thoughts on Family

Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone, and I have realized two things about my family. One, I can't stand them. Two, I love them with all my heart.

If you are relatively close to your family, you will understand exactly what I am talking about. Some days, it is incredibly hard to want to be around your relatives and anyone else whom you share a blood relation with. And I don't write this with intent to be rude or mean, there are just things in everybody that I don't particularly like. And then I am obligated to interact with them for a whole day. It is very tiring.

But I love them all dearly. My family has taught me a lot of things. My family has taught me that no matter how much time we spend apart and not talking, we will always come back together as one. And this usually involves really good food. I've learned that every one has different ways of resolving conflicts, and some work and some don't. I've learned to be flexible. Plans change, people run late, things come up. I've also learned to to be open to people outside our families. If someone brings someone with them for you to meet, it's for good reason and they want to feel accepted and loved, just like your relative does. So be kind, and be open to change. And babies. Be open to dealing with rowdy and destructive babies. I find it funny, on my dad's side, we now have a new generation of cousins coming up. One is my brother, 4, one is our cousin, 3, and another is our second cousin once removed, 15 months. So that was an interesting Christmas.

Family is sometimes hard to be around, and that's okay, you can't choose your family, so sometimes you wind up being related to people who have no emotional connection with you. You just have to roll with it and take it as it comes. It'll be difficult, but you should always try to be kind, be courteous, and learn from them if you can. Because if there's another thing I've learned recently, is that your family isn't going to be around forever. I think maybe that's why all of my grandparents are being kind of weird lately. I think they all realize that life is getting shorter for them, and they want to make the best of it. My great-grandmother just passed away about two weeks ago, and it made me realize how wonderful she was. I could write a whole blog post on her, and I probably will, too. Anyway, it made me realize that our family are the most influential people within our lives, whether we like to admit that or not.

And there may be some of you who don't really have a family. And I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry you will never get to have the experience of a happy Christmas. I'm sorry you don't get to enjoy conversation across the table with people who love you. Or maybe you have a family, but they aren't supportive of you. And again, I'm so sorry. But you are beautiful, and you are meaningful, and you are not a waste of space. You are more than their judgments, you are more than their rude remarks. You are you, and that is good.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year,
Emily E.