The Desire for Community and the Joy It Brings.

It's amazing the way things you knew before are reinforced throughout your life. As a child, I was taught that community is important, first with your family, second with your church, and third with your friends. And I feel as though the past couple of weeks I have been seeing this exemplified.

Spring Break has come and gone, my online classes are over, and I got a job (YAY!) I work 8:30-4:30 the days I go in, and that leaves me with a considerable amount of time to do stuff after I get off, and I get done with classes around the same time on those days. And it gives me the opportunity not only to take care of and focus on myself when I need to, but to also engage in the lives around me. I love to encourage and uplift people. It brings me joy to see other people happy and healthy. Seeing others praise God fills me with a desire to praise God. The community you surround yourself in will definitely influence the way you see life and the way you feel from day to day. But you also have the same ability to influence those around you.

My first day of work, I decided I was going to start working out. What??? If you know me, I would rather do anything else than workout most of the time. But this idea that I have an adult job in an office now and I have more adult responsibilities have given me a push to get into better shape I guess? I think a part of it is that I turned 20 over break and that was a hard thing to handle. I'm the second person in my close group of friends back home to age out of the teen years and that's a hard thing to deal with. But I decided to step up and go ahead and take care of myself now when I am already moderately healthy then try to tackle a bigger problem later. And one of the biggest reasons I've stuck with it for almost two weeks now without quitting is that I have a giant support group encouraging me to keep going and not give up and I want to keep up the work to prove to them that I can do it. Not in a prideful way, but in a "You encouraged me and I don't want to let you down" way. Having that community of people who will hold me accountable has helped me to keep going.

Within all relationships and communities, you must first uplift and take care of others, and they in return will uplift and take care of you. And throughout all of this mutual encouragement, God is constantly being praised and uplifted. And through community we become strong enough to handle tragedy, big or small. Community is the most important aspect of life for the Christian and is something the church of Acts understood very well.  They gathered together on the day of Pentecost (2:1) and were constantly meeting every day (2:46-47).

Gather together under the banner of Christ, rejoice with praise, bow in prayer, and love one another in community. Because at the end of our lives, all we have is Jesus and the community of Heaven.

In Christ, and In Love,
Emily E. 

My thoughts on Family

Thanksgiving and Christmas have come and gone, and I have realized two things about my family. One, I can't stand them. Two, I love them with all my heart.

If you are relatively close to your family, you will understand exactly what I am talking about. Some days, it is incredibly hard to want to be around your relatives and anyone else whom you share a blood relation with. And I don't write this with intent to be rude or mean, there are just things in everybody that I don't particularly like. And then I am obligated to interact with them for a whole day. It is very tiring.

But I love them all dearly. My family has taught me a lot of things. My family has taught me that no matter how much time we spend apart and not talking, we will always come back together as one. And this usually involves really good food. I've learned that every one has different ways of resolving conflicts, and some work and some don't. I've learned to be flexible. Plans change, people run late, things come up. I've also learned to to be open to people outside our families. If someone brings someone with them for you to meet, it's for good reason and they want to feel accepted and loved, just like your relative does. So be kind, and be open to change. And babies. Be open to dealing with rowdy and destructive babies. I find it funny, on my dad's side, we now have a new generation of cousins coming up. One is my brother, 4, one is our cousin, 3, and another is our second cousin once removed, 15 months. So that was an interesting Christmas.

Family is sometimes hard to be around, and that's okay, you can't choose your family, so sometimes you wind up being related to people who have no emotional connection with you. You just have to roll with it and take it as it comes. It'll be difficult, but you should always try to be kind, be courteous, and learn from them if you can. Because if there's another thing I've learned recently, is that your family isn't going to be around forever. I think maybe that's why all of my grandparents are being kind of weird lately. I think they all realize that life is getting shorter for them, and they want to make the best of it. My great-grandmother just passed away about two weeks ago, and it made me realize how wonderful she was. I could write a whole blog post on her, and I probably will, too. Anyway, it made me realize that our family are the most influential people within our lives, whether we like to admit that or not.

And there may be some of you who don't really have a family. And I want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry you will never get to have the experience of a happy Christmas. I'm sorry you don't get to enjoy conversation across the table with people who love you. Or maybe you have a family, but they aren't supportive of you. And again, I'm so sorry. But you are beautiful, and you are meaningful, and you are not a waste of space. You are more than their judgments, you are more than their rude remarks. You are you, and that is good.

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year,
Emily E.

Let's Talk About Death

My life seems to be permeated with death and the possibility of it recently. After all of our pets went to the vet, all of them have issues that cost too much to fix, and now all we can do is make them as comfortable as possible until their deaths. My cat has something in her lungs and heart, we don't know what, but she probably won't last many more months. One dog has cancer, and it's growing rapidly. The other dog has an enlarged heart, and is just plain old. They will die soon, and it will be so hard to handle.

I received news today that my great-grandmother went to be with Jesus earlier this morning, and the memorial service will probably be this weekend. She had a stroke eleven days ago, and hadn't gained the ability to swallow back. She had made it clear to my grandmother and her siblings that she did not want a permanent feeding tube, so she was moved to a high quality hospice center for comfort care. Mom and dad were just talking last night about going to visit her this weekend if she made it that long. God prepared our hearts for the end, but it still hurts a bit.

My great-grandparents were some of the godliest people I have ever met, and they lived their lives with a purpose and a passion for God and lost people that I have never seen in any other people. They were a team, and they traveled the world together looking to spread the name of Jesus and His wonderful salvation. He passed away about two years ago, and now she can finally be with her husband again, without the pain of disease and old age. I know they both were shown some of their impact near their last days, with my great-grandfather holding the eighth edition of his Old Testament Theology book in his hands, and with my great-grandmother being sent notes of how her scholarship at Belmont University helped make education available to students. They had such an impact on the world, and I don't doubt that hundreds of lives have been changed because of their willingness to follow God.

Death for Christians should not be a painful thing. Death has no true power of us, we still live for eternity in Heaven. Death means no more pain, no more suffering, no more anguish, no more sin. But for those of us left here, it still hurts. Why? Because we don't want to see them gone. We are selfish, we want them here with us. But we should take comfort in knowing, that if they are a Christian, and we are as well, there will be a reunion in Heaven, and it will be beautiful and joyous.

"O Death, where is your sting? O Hades, where is your victory?" 1 Corinthians 15:55.
Emily

I just realized that some of you reading this blog, especially those of you in other countries, might not actually be Christians. I know I started this blog to chronicle my life and to help those close to me keep up with what was going on with me, but I also feel that this blog is an outreach of sorts. So, I want to share my testimony with all of you.

My parents were already Christians when I was born, and they were also very involved in a church. I grew up in that church. My earliest memory is of me standing in the front parking lot of the church, watching the Vacation Bible School kick-off. Like I said my parents were very involved in the church. My dad was a deacon, my mom was the vacation bible school director and a preschool teacher at the adjacent private school, and together they taught marriage enrichment classes. I attended the private school that my mom taught at, which was also held in the classrooms of the church. Since I was almost literally at the church every day, I knew a lot about the Bible and about Jesus. I knew the gospel, and I knew the worship songs. I was surrounded by the culture of the church. When I was six years old, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. I started reading my Bible outside of church and learning about what Jesus called us to do.

When I was seven, the private school shut down. My parents were determined to make sure that I grew up in a stimulating, healthy environment, and they did thorough research on the elementary schools in our area. While there were several that were promising for my intellectual and mental growth, they weren't so much for my spiritual growth. A friend of ours told us they were moving out to a different county that had an excellent school system. Though it was a public school, my parents saw that it was a Christian community and it seemed like a good place to move. So we did.

For me, as a seven year old who was sheltered and lived five minutes away from the only other place I went on a regular basis, moving was a foreign concept to me. Though my parents explained it and made sure I understood what was happening, it didn't really make since to me. I became very upset with my family, especially my mom, because for some reason I felt like this was her fault. I became very emotionally unbalanced, and I was angry at everyone. I tried really hard to fit in, but I didn't. I felt alone and abandoned, and it didn't help that my mom had decided she was going to open and manage a scrapbook store during the same year we moved.

By the time I started the sixth grade, I had known for a long time that I didn't have very many real friends. People played with you on the playground and some came to my birthday parties, but that was only because they felt obligated to. So in sixth grade, when I started band class, a whole new world kind of emerged for me. There were people that were as weird as I was, and they were okay with it. They liked making new friends, and they didn't mind hanging out with me. So, instead of trying to be myself and keep my morals, I tried to become more like them. I wanted to make sure that they liked me and accepted me as a part of their group. I ended up being a two-faced hypocrite by the second half of the year, because I would act just like they did.

During those first two or three years after we moved, my family just sort of stopped going to church. It was obvious to all of us that we had serious problems, and most of them stemmed from me. The same year I started sixth grade, my parents found a church they wanted to start attending. So during middle school I would go with them only because I had to. I didn't want to go to church anymore. I didn't care about that anymore. I let go of almost everything that set me apart from the rest of my friends: my morals. While I didn't sneak out and go to parties, and I kept a resolution that I would never drink, smoke, or do drugs, I was an extremely disrespectful kid. I didn't care about rules, I did what I wanted, said what I wanted, and wore what I wanted at school. While I was still a "good kid" in the eyes of teachers and some of my friends, I felt that I was not. I liked that. I liked the attention I got when I cussed when the teacher couldn't hear, when I only wore tank-tops under my jacket, when I cheated for someone. I thought that I was fine. When I was at home, I was extremely disrespectful, I lied to my parents, we argued all the time, and I openly told them that I hated them almost weekly. Before I started eighth grade, my parents sat me down and told me that if I didn't get my act together and start behaving they were going to pull my out of public school. They said I had until Christmas to prove myself, but I didn't even last that long. Four weeks into the school year, my dad and I had a (semi) physical fight and they drew the line. Five weeks later, they pulled me out and started homeschooling me.

There was an almost instant change in my attitude. Not because it woke me up that they were serious, but because my parents did what God told them to and pulled me away from the bad influences. Honestly, that was the best decision they ever made concerning me. I am so thankful now that they did, because I don't even want to think about where I would be if they hadn't. The sudden change of environment, though beneficial, was not easy to get acclimated to. I had a very hard time adjusting, and I would get bored easily. During middle school, our new church had gone through a lot of changes, including an almost completely replaced ministerial staff. We got a new pastor when I was in sixth grade, and he brought his family of four kids. Their oldest daughter, who is a year younger than me, was a friend of mine, and helped me tremendously through the transition from public to home school. She was one of the any supporters I had during this hard year. Looking back, I think the '08-'09 school year was probably my hardest year spiritually. While there wasn't as much disrespectful behavior as previous years, there was still a fair amount of fighting, not only with my parents but with God. I remember that year's camp so vividly. There were lots of angry tears shed as God broke down all of the layers I had built around my heart.

I look back on the past five years, and I see what a change God has made in my life. I went from being a disrespectful rebellious child on the path headed to destruction, and through his everlasting grace and mercy I am striving to become a godly young woman and be all that God intended for me to be. Every year, I have noticed an overall change for the better, and I can't wait to see what God does to me and through me this year. I never imagined I would be preparing for a mission trip at this age. I just turned 18, and I just graduated. But God opened a door, beckoned me to it, and said, "I want you to go." And go I shall.

Thankful for mercy,
Emily E.

A Thought on Moms

Today is Mother's Day, May 12, 2013. Today is a day we celebrate the love, the kindness, and the sacrifice our mothers give to us daily. My mother is one of the most influential people in my life. She has been there for me throughout my life, even when I felt that she wasn't. My mom was almost done with her A.A. degree when she had me. She never went back to school. She never got a college degree, but she is one of the most intelligent people I know. As I've grown up, I've seen her many different settings and atmospheres. She was a preschool teacher, a store owner and manager, a high school teacher, a couples' class teacher, but most importantly, she has been, and will always be mom. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about how blessed I am to be her daughter.

I'm not going to lie, though, some days, living with my mom is really hard. We are very like-minded in that when we set our minds to something, we do not change it. It will be this way or it won't be at all. In other words, we're very stubborn, and that causes a lot of conflict in our home. Some days are great, and we agree on everything and it's all just peachy keen. Other days feel like a hurricane of tension is sitting over the entire house, and is just waiting for the right moment to let the bottom drop out.

I'm not going to say that every argument starts with her, because most of the time it doesn't.
most of the time they start with me. I will argue with you that the sky is orange simply out of stubbornness, and my mom is the same way. There were several years as I was growing up that nobody would think either of us would make it to the next year. It is by God's great design that I was given the mother I have.

I was a hard child. Never sitting still, always talking, always moving. I had no patience or attention span, but my mom took it in stride. There were days she would get frustrated, but that doesn't mean she quit loving me. As I grew older, I developed a serious like of respect for authority, and my mouth got terrible. Snide remarks, rude comebacks. I was not a nice person to anyone, let alone my mother, but she never gave up on me. There were days when it seemed like we were going to drive each other crazy, but she never turned away from me. Even now, when I have matured exponentially, there are still days when I just want to yell in her face, but she always love me, and I will always love her.

Through my entire life she has been there for me. She was my chauffeur, my teacher, my role model ( both in how to be and how not to be), my confidant, my friend, my editor, and my money tree. When I'm sick, she gets up in the middle of the night, she stays home and misses out on events, she nurses me. She has juggled various jobs, homeschooling, and a busy social life, all for me and my siblings.

My mom may not be perfect, she may have some issues, but overall, she is the best mother I could have.

I love you to the moon and back, Momma.
Emily E.

My Thoughts on Holidays

First of all, I hope that everybody had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you all a happy New Year, or en espanol, Feliz Navidad y Prospero Anos Nuevo... I think...

Now that we have the obligatory holiday greetings out if the way, I want to share my thoughts on such Holidays. Before I begin, I would like to say, I am not trying to be a Scrooge, so don't be angry, please. 

First, the origin of the word "holiday". The word we use to describe a day of celebration stems from the term "holy days", which were days set aside in the religion of the Old Testament Israelites. These were days that were set aside for specific offerings, such as yearly blood sacrifices, and the releasing of the Scapegoat, both of which symbolized the washing away of the Isrealite's sins for another year. Nowadays, "holidays", means any day set aside for a day of rest, remembrance, or celebration. These don't necessarily have to be "holy" days, set aside and ordained by the church, but some are.

Many holidays that are celebrated around the world include Christian days, like Easter and Good Friday, Muslim holidays, such as Ramadan and Eid Al-Adha, Jewish holidays such as Lent and Hanukkah, and others, such as Kwanzaa, Boxing Day, and national days of thanksgiving. The most popular holiday, though, is without a doubt Christmas.  

Now, for the part where you can not openly hate me if you want: I don't like Christmas.

Hear me out, I love being able to celebrate the birth of my Savior with my family, but the older I get, the more commercialized it seems. I don't like that the last two months of the year are pretty much completely dedicated to shopping for things, for stuff, for this holiday. What is the point of that? You give somebody a thing they may or may not like, and get things that you may or may not like. 

When I was little, I used to love getting presents, and toys, and stuff. I liked stuff. Now, being older, growing up, I look around and I see too much stuff. It's not just too much stuff in my home, in my community, but in my country. America is a country built upon a dream. The American Dream is based on the idea, that you know you are successful when you have obtained a certain amount of stuff, or a certain status, or you have reached a level of excess. And today's view of Christmas only emphasizes that. The more presents you give, the more compassionate you are, giving out of your excess, which is in reality, out of the massive amount of imaginary money given to you by the credit card company which then leads to a massive amount of debt. The more presents you get, the more stuff you have to use to flaunt your excess. That's all that Christmas seems to be about when I look around.

Of course, I must say, my parents have been very smart and careful of how they raised us children to view Christmas, and it is very family-centered. Every year since I can remember, we have gone to my mom's mother's house, then to my dad's parents house, every Christmas. Then we would leave the day after Christmas to either my mom's dad's house in Tennessee, or to her sister's house to see them. (I'm currently writing this at my aunt's house, by the way.)

The past few years, we have been trying to change the way we do Christmas, which has been working, lay off presents and give money or gift cards and a few actual presents instead. But, this year, I did something that I thought would have been detrimental to our family dynamic. I specifically asked for nothing. It was met better than I thought, but I was still given some stuff. I did ask though, that if people felt that they absolutely had to give me something, that it be money for my mission trip, and I did get a good amount of money, all of which will be going in my savings account. 

Another thing I've noticed as I got older, is when I look around to the rest of the world, and I see the amount of excess we in America have compared to even other Industrialized countries, I truly do get appalled. No wonder the world sees Americans as fat, rude, and spoiled. That is exactly what we are. Here in America, Christmas is everywhere you look. I can't stand it, it aggravates me. We get so caught up in our revelry and expectations, that we don't look to the world around us, even in our own cities. I have noticed a lot more homeless people this year. They don't get Christmas, most of the time. Even though our spirit of giving and hospitality does seem to grow a little bit during the holiday season, it doesn't effect others the rest of the year. Why can't we just get over ourselves and be helpful and giving every day? It really bothers me when people get so caught up in themselves and they forget that most of the world has it a whole lot worse than they do. Of course, I tend to forget that, too, but that doesn't mean I don't think about it. 

Presents and giving is good and stuff, but that's not what Christmas is about. Christmas is the day set aside to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ 2,000 years ago. And while we give presents because God gave to us, the amount of commercialism that comes with the holiday makes me sick. God gave us His Son, nothing we could ever give to anyone else, and nothing we are given from another, could ever be as fulfilling and wonderful as the gift of Salvation and spiritual life. 

Now that I have succeeded in making myself sound like a complete fool, I think I will be done. None of what I wrote will make sense, most likely, but maybe I'll do another post on more thoughts on holidays. If you have any suggestions of what holiday you want me to write about, please leave a comment on this post.

Celebrating the true Gift,

Emily E.