As a child, I was selfish, I was greedy, I was mad when things didn't go the way I wanted them to. That is my heart. That is my humanity, it is my nature to want everyone to work their lives around mine, because I am the most important, I am the most valuable person on the planet. I think everyone else is inferior. And that is how I normally think. That is how I normally live. That is my human nature. My sinful, twisted human nature. I don't inherently like people. I think people are ignorant and ugly and rude and annoying. People irritate me to no end. I defined love as people waiting hand and foot on me and appealing to my desires and then leaving me alone. I walk around with a perpetual face of murder. This is how I have been for a very long time.
But then I fell in love with Jesus, because Jesus fell in love with me, and then, not only did He fall in love with me, He showed me. He wooed me, and He pursued me. He ran after my cold, dead, twisted, sinful, hateful heart. And He won it. I accepted the gift of Salvation when I was six, but until a year ago, I played a game, I treated Him like I treated everyone else. I used Him when I needed Him. And He let it happen for so long. But when I saw, when I truly saw, not with my mind and my eyes, but with my heart and my soul, that Jesus loved me so incredibly, selflessly, and completely, it changed my entire life. Now, I see myself as nothing but equal to everyone else on the planet. I have lowered myself and to some point, I have elevated everyone else above me to a degree. I find other people enthrallingly intelligent, beautiful, kind, and pleasurable to be around. I have come to love people (because let's face it, some people are really hard to like). People are a minefield of knowledge and experiences and it's beautiful. I now define love as me giving and pouring out to people, and seeing others do the same in return. I pull out of myself and I give what I can. I learn, I research, and I give my knowledge as much as I can. Granted, I still walk around with a face of murder, but some habits are hard to break. And I am still learning how to live like this.
Love pursued me, loved wooed me. Love saved me. And I can't hold in this love I have. Because this love I feel, I can't not let other people have a chance at feeling it and being saved by it as well. The entire world deserves to know that Jesus loves them. All of them. All the Atheists, the pagans, the Muslims, the Hindus, the Buddhists. All of them do not worship Christ, because they do not know the truth about Him. The downtrodden, the needy, the weak, they do not know the power and strength and hope that love and Jesus has given me. It is by the hope and peace of God that I do not go insane, that my life is not worse than it is, that I do not torture myself because of all that goes on within me. It is that same peace that I wish to give to people.
That is the biggest difference in my life now. I want to give to others, instead of having others give to me. I want to invest in the lives of individuals, instead of ignoring them or meet them in passing. I want to reach out and minister to those who need it the most. I want to give my life as an investment into theirs. And I don't think I want anything in return. The joy of knowing that I have tried to help someone else, and maybe even succeeding in helping is all the payment I need.
Growing constantly, Giving continuously,
Emily E.
But then I fell in love with Jesus, because Jesus fell in love with me, and then, not only did He fall in love with me, He showed me. He wooed me, and He pursued me. He ran after my cold, dead, twisted, sinful, hateful heart. And He won it. I accepted the gift of Salvation when I was six, but until a year ago, I played a game, I treated Him like I treated everyone else. I used Him when I needed Him. And He let it happen for so long. But when I saw, when I truly saw, not with my mind and my eyes, but with my heart and my soul, that Jesus loved me so incredibly, selflessly, and completely, it changed my entire life. Now, I see myself as nothing but equal to everyone else on the planet. I have lowered myself and to some point, I have elevated everyone else above me to a degree. I find other people enthrallingly intelligent, beautiful, kind, and pleasurable to be around. I have come to love people (because let's face it, some people are really hard to like). People are a minefield of knowledge and experiences and it's beautiful. I now define love as me giving and pouring out to people, and seeing others do the same in return. I pull out of myself and I give what I can. I learn, I research, and I give my knowledge as much as I can. Granted, I still walk around with a face of murder, but some habits are hard to break. And I am still learning how to live like this.
Love pursued me, loved wooed me. Love saved me. And I can't hold in this love I have. Because this love I feel, I can't not let other people have a chance at feeling it and being saved by it as well. The entire world deserves to know that Jesus loves them. All of them. All the Atheists, the pagans, the Muslims, the Hindus, the Buddhists. All of them do not worship Christ, because they do not know the truth about Him. The downtrodden, the needy, the weak, they do not know the power and strength and hope that love and Jesus has given me. It is by the hope and peace of God that I do not go insane, that my life is not worse than it is, that I do not torture myself because of all that goes on within me. It is that same peace that I wish to give to people.
That is the biggest difference in my life now. I want to give to others, instead of having others give to me. I want to invest in the lives of individuals, instead of ignoring them or meet them in passing. I want to reach out and minister to those who need it the most. I want to give my life as an investment into theirs. And I don't think I want anything in return. The joy of knowing that I have tried to help someone else, and maybe even succeeding in helping is all the payment I need.
Growing constantly, Giving continuously,
Emily E.
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