Another Update

So today (5/25), I finished everything I needed to do in preparation for my trip to Canada! I booked my flights yesterday, and sent out all the final paperwork today. Now I'm working on an info board about Vancouver that I will set up at my graduation party and probably elsewhere, but I'm not quite sure yet. I'm also working on my speech for my first graduation, and I can't decide what I want to do. I am either going to use this post and simply read from it, or I'm going to take this post and expound upon the idea.

I like both of these for graduation, because I don't want to give the usual "this is not the end, it's the beginning" speech that every student speaker gives. I also don't want to just speak to my fellow graduates, but to the rest of the people in attendance. There are going to be all kinds of family and friends there, and the likelihood is that some of them might need a little reminding about life as a Christian. While I won't be focusing on how this is a new chapter in our life, I do want to let everyone know that our choices will affect the rest of our lives as adults, and I think both of my options will help with that.

I'm so excited about the next couple of weeks as I prepare for Canada. I've been contacting my fellow team members and getting to know them a little better over the past week. From what I know so far, this team is going to be on fire for God and serving Vancouver. I really am excited about the opportunities I'm going to have.

Busy as always,
Emily E.

Musings

I don't even know how to start this today. I guess I'm just going to have to say it straight forward.

I have no clue what I'm doing.

I am completely lost right now. I can't even tell which way is up at this point. I have been trying to find what is best for me for the future, and it has all gotten so confusing, with setting up flights and finishing paperwork for Canada, and with looking at colleges and scholarships and deciding what am I going to do with my life. I look around and everybody seems to have a passion that they want to fulfill, and they seem to have the drive to get the education that will get them there.

But with everything that's been going on, I think I've lost my passion. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go to school, I don't want to go to Canada, I don't want to look for scholarships. I don't know what I want. I can't seem to see myself in any kind of situation in the near future. The only thing I see is becoming a wife and mother. Please, don't misinterpret that, above all, a mother is the most wonderful thing a woman can be. That is my ultimate goal, is to become a godly wife and mother, who will raise her children to become godly Christians. But that's all I see me as.

All of these problems, this lost feeling, comes from the same thing, I think. It comes from my sin. No, I haven't committed some terrible act but it's the little, everyday things, that drag me down. As I wrote earlier, I haven't had a quiet time with God since October. I've gotten lazier than every before. I've been procrastinating. I've been living a life of apathy. Nothing seems to motivate me anymore.

And it's my entire fault. Everything that is falling apart in my life is a direct consequence of my non-actions. And I can't go back and change them. All I can do is stop while I'm ahead and try to find my way back to God. When I say that God is all I have, I mean that God is literally ALL I have. All of my hope, my drive, my power, my desire, is in Him. When I lose that, I get so caught up in trying to find my own way.

But that's my problem; I'm trying to find MY way, not God's way. I'm searching for what will satisfy my desires, when instead I should be asking God what His desires are for me. What kind of a person am I if I can say that I am going ACROSS THE CONTINENT and to a different country to tell other people about the need to surrender their lives to Christ, but I can't even surrender my own?

I'm not saying I will ever be perfect. That's impossible. I'm lazy, disrespectful; I lack a drive to succeed, when I try to make a joke it comes out offensive and rude. I am not a nice person. I play polite like it's the easiest game in the world. I can play with your emotions then slam you about the one thing you're insecure about and bring your self-esteem crashing down. I am a terrible person.

But God keeps me from being that person. I can be better. But not from my desires, from God's. But I have to start listening to Him again. That's the key to any relationship: listening. If I can't listen to God, how can I listen to my parents, to my teachers? I can't, trust me, I've tried. It all comes down to the two listening to each other. When you give God your time and you listen to what He truly wants for your life, He will listen to what you want as well, because after a while, your desires will become similar to His.

I don't want to feel empty anymore. I want to feel alive again.

Feeling lost and alone,

Emily E

Musical Mondays- Emily Meadows- "Rise Up"

So today's Musical Monday is going to be a little different. Instead of talking about a song on the radio, I'm going to introduce you to one of my songs that I've written. This is a fairly new experience for me, sharing my songs with people. I’ve only let a handful of people read my music, because each song is very personal to me, and I wasn't prepared to share those things in the past. But I feel that this is good and right, so here we go.

I have decided I won't settle

For some shallow, worthless religion

I refuse to be let down gently

By some church's low expectations

My God is a God who’s passionate

My God is a God who’s intimate

If that is who my God is

Shouldn't the church be like that, too

It's time for a great awakening

The church has fallen asleep

It's time for us to come together

Imagine all that we could be

God's messengers, God's warriors

God's children, it's time to rise up

It's time to listen; it’s time to armor up

The enemy has destroyed our nation

But we shouldn't be despondent

We are the hope of this nation

Why are we still so complacent

This generation needs to decide

Who are we going to trust with our souls

We should have been inspired

By the God-man who gave up all control

Our God is a God who’s jealous

Our God came to live among us

If that is who our God is

Then shouldn't we be that way, too

It's time for a great awakening

The church has fallen asleep

It's time for us to come together

Imagine all that we could be

God's messengers, God's warriors

God's children, it's time to rise up

It's time to listen; it’s time to armor up

The enemy has destroyed our nation

But we shouldn't be despondent

We are the hope of this nation

Why are we still so complacent

Passion has left us

Come and fill us again

Love has not abandoned

We have walked away from Him

He came and gave Himself for us

What will we give in return

It's time for a great awakening

The church has fallen asleep

It's time for us to come together

Imagine all that we could be

God's messengers, God's warriors

God's children, it's time to rise up

It's time to listen; it’s time to armor up

The enemy has destroyed our nation

But we shouldn't be despondent

We are the hope of this nation

Why are we still so complacent

Let me give you the background of this song before we dive into it. I wrote "Rise Up" in January of 2012, after learning about Martin Luther in World History. My mom found this excellent docudrama about his life called "Luther". It is excellent and I highly recommend it. What I learned and saw as I watched this was that the Roman Catholic Church in Luther's day is no different than the rest of the churches today. The one post I made a while back (see here) was also written during that time. I wrote this as a declaration that I'm sick of Christians settling for a "basic life". No outreach, no true conviction, no true relationship. So this is that song.

I have decided I won't settle

For some shallow, worthless religion

I refuse to be let down gently

By some church's low expectations

My God is a God who’s passionate

My God is a God who’s intimate

If that is who my God is

Shouldn't the church be like that, too

This first verse is me taking a stand. No more of shallow church services, where you go in, sing some songs, listen to a watered down message from a man who may or may not be an ordained pastor, then leave and forget everything that happened while you eat at your favorite fast food place. I refuse to be put down to a low level of service because many adults in church believe that teenagers are good for nothing heathens. If our God is passionate and desires an intimate one-on-one relationship and truly cares about every single person, shouldn't the members of His church, His Children, be the same way?

It's time for a great awakening

The church has fallen asleep

It's time for us to come together

Imagine all that we could be

God's messengers, God's warriors

God's children, it's time to rise up

It's time to listen; it’s time to armor up

The enemy has destroyed our nation

But we shouldn't be despondent

We are the hope of this nation

Why are we still so complacent

Now is the perfect time to rise up against the normalcy of boring church life. It's the perfect time for us to band together and become a force for God. We could be so much as God's children. We could warriors for His Kingdom; we could be messengers for His truth. It's time to be counteractive against the evil that has overcome our nation, our world. We are the hope for this nation if we would stop sitting back and saying "Why bother?"

This generation needs to decide

Who are we going to trust with our souls

We should have been inspired

By the God-man who gave up all control

Our God is a God who’s jealous

Our God came to live among us

If that is who our God is

Then shouldn't we be that way, too

My generation, and the ones directly before and after me, need to stop sitting in the waves and letting ourselves be washed every which way and plant our souls somewhere. Even if someone decides to turn their backs on God, it is better that he choose one and not both. You cannot serve both God and Satan. Our God is jealous for our souls, He would rather you choose one, but He will refuse you if you linger in the in-between. Our God came to live among us. He came to be a light in this world, and He wants us to follow in His path.

Passion has left us

Come and fill us again

Love has not abandoned

We have walked away from Him

He came and gave Himself for us

What will we give in return

The passion we once felt when we first became Christians is gone. That joy we had has left us, because we have left God. We were the ones who walked away, not God. He gave up His Son's life for us.

What are we going to give Him in return for that payment?

Emily E.

To-Do for Canada

I am officially finished with High School. I graduate in 18 days. I leave for Canada in 41 days. Where has the time gone? Everything about my life is changing.

But enough with the melancholia, I have Canada update for you!

To do for Canada

• Arrange travel and airline tickets within the next week.
• Complete the following paperwork:
• Federal W-9 form
• Student Missionary Insurance Application
• Direct Deposit Authorization Form
• Send above forms to the North American Mission Board
• Share missionary placement with church so they can begin praying with me
• Wash clothes and pack my things

I cannot believe this is happening guys! In other update news, i am going to visit another school, this time looking into a recording and music production program. I have my last high school piano recital in exactly one week. I then have my graduation party in 17 days. After that, I have two graduations, both of which I will be performing at.

Also, on a more personal level, I had a time of devotion with God today for the first time since October. With how crazy my life has been with school and Canada stuff, I've put it off. None of that gives me an excuse, now does it? In the last three days, I've realized that I am not going to be any use to God in the mission field if I can't even begin with myself. How can I share with others the amazing story that is Christ if I can't remember what He has done for my life? The answer is, I can't. If I went out today, and I tried to tell people about the Gospel, i would be the biggest hypocrite. I started one of the week-long devotionals available on my YouVersion app (which is the best Bible app out there, it has almost every English translation of the Bible, and has dozens of other languages as well. The devotionals it has available for you to use are excellent as well. My sister highly recommends any of them written by Lecrae.), and this one talks about Authentic Serving. This is the last of the Authentic series that You Version has available, and so far, I quite enjoy it. 

I chose this devotional to help me find that attitude of a servant. Any case I get to meet any of you one day, I will warn you now by saying I am an extremely selfish and lazy person. It takes a lot of effort on another persons part to get me to get up and do something. This has also been a center of conflict in my house, because when you have several small children who need constant attention, a selfish, lazy teenager is not someone you want to be responsible for. So obviously, I need a very big dose of "get-your-act-together" to get me into that serving mindset. And today's topic was "It's Not About Me". How appropriate.

I firmly believe that if anyone is thinking of going into any kind of service industry, whether it be ministry related or not, they have to start with a heart of humility. No one can properly serve another if they are going about it with selfish intentions. It does neither party any good, it only hurts them both.So, naturally, I had some reluctance about going to Canada in the beginning, because who am I that I am qualified to have the privilege to serve God in one of the darkest 1st world countries? But, I think that's exactly why He chose me. I am nothing special; if it wasn't for the passion for music and the drive to succeed that was instilled in me at a young age, I wouldn't have accomplished anything out of the ordinary. I don't think I have accomplished anything extraordinary, to be honest, not yet. And even when I do, it won't be through my strength  it will be through God's guidance and grace in my life.

Maybe that's why I was called to go. So people can see my flaws and my problems, and see that God can love someone like me, and He can live someone like them, too.

Looking forward,

Emily E.

Musical Mondays - Building 429 - "Where I Belong

Today's song is by Building 429, called "Where I Belong". I personally have a special place in my heart for this band, because when they were first starting out, they came to my old church for one of their first concerts. My dad did either sound or security for them, I can't remember which. (He also did security for Skillet when they first started out in the 90's, because that's how cool he is.)


Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
[x2]

Where I belong, where I belong
Where I belong, where I belong

So, first off, I really enjoy this song. I first heard it when it came out about a year and a half ago, and it really spoke to me during a time when I wasn't quite sure I was where I was supposed to be in general everyday life.

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

This first verse communicates what I think every Christian struggles with at some point in time. We look around our world and we're looking for a place to fit in and serve God, but we see that we don't fit in. We aren't apart of the big group, we're standing out on the edges, looking into the where the "party" is going on. We feel like outsiders. Sometimes, because we are human, we get extremely discouraged by this. I think sometimes Christians are much more susceptible nowadays to fall under the trap of depression and similar issues, because we have been taught that Christianity is easy. When we find out that it's not, Satan can get a hold of us and tell us how worthless we are. The second line, "Sometimes I feel like I'm breathing, but am I alive", is so relevant to me personally. I will go through periods of time where I just feel completely worthless. I feel like a waste of space, and I end up just going through the motions. I'm transitioning out of one of those phases right now.  We all ask questions that don't have answers we would understand as humans in this life. One day, we will be able to understand why God does certain things, what other things mean, how something happened. But right now, the whole basis of our relationship with Christ is our faith.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

The chorus of this song is a common theme in Contemporary Christian music. It all stems from the idea that we are only passing through this world; we are aliens in a foreign land. And although this has been touched upon in other songs, it never gets old because it's true. Honestly, how can one think about the "suffering" Western Christians say they have to deal with when they have a constant reminder about how much better it is going to be in heaven. Of course you're going to be persecuted, you are in an enemy's territory. How do you Americans feel when you see a Muslim in traditional clothing walking around your local Wal-Mart? You feel contempt, because this "is not where they belong". (Because as much as the media and politicians deny it, America still considers itself to be a Christian country, and many people, especially Southerners, believe that Muslims are evil and should be deported because of the bad reputation their religion has.) This world that we are living in is not where we belong either. As a Christian we are a citizen of heaven, not earth. We're just here as messengers.


So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me

Because we know that what we go through here is temporary, we know that no matter what happens, nothing can break us down. When life comes crashing down around you and you can't even think straight anymore, you have a hope in your salvation through Jesus' death on the cross. That assurance, knowing that nothing can separate you from your Savior, is overwhelming sometimes. Because even if you go through dark trials, He's still there. And nothing is ever going to change that.


When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

Personally, I never want to be away from Christ. When things happen, you have to be close to Him, or you start to doubt, you start say "Why?" And that's when you run the risk of turning your back on God. And trust me, I started down that road, and even the little bit I saw was not good. It's not fun to be without God at any point in time, so why fall away when anything could happen?

Constantly growing,
Emily E.

A Thought on Moms

Today is Mother's Day, May 12, 2013. Today is a day we celebrate the love, the kindness, and the sacrifice our mothers give to us daily. My mother is one of the most influential people in my life. She has been there for me throughout my life, even when I felt that she wasn't. My mom was almost done with her A.A. degree when she had me. She never went back to school. She never got a college degree, but she is one of the most intelligent people I know. As I've grown up, I've seen her many different settings and atmospheres. She was a preschool teacher, a store owner and manager, a high school teacher, a couples' class teacher, but most importantly, she has been, and will always be mom. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about how blessed I am to be her daughter.

I'm not going to lie, though, some days, living with my mom is really hard. We are very like-minded in that when we set our minds to something, we do not change it. It will be this way or it won't be at all. In other words, we're very stubborn, and that causes a lot of conflict in our home. Some days are great, and we agree on everything and it's all just peachy keen. Other days feel like a hurricane of tension is sitting over the entire house, and is just waiting for the right moment to let the bottom drop out.

I'm not going to say that every argument starts with her, because most of the time it doesn't.
most of the time they start with me. I will argue with you that the sky is orange simply out of stubbornness, and my mom is the same way. There were several years as I was growing up that nobody would think either of us would make it to the next year. It is by God's great design that I was given the mother I have.

I was a hard child. Never sitting still, always talking, always moving. I had no patience or attention span, but my mom took it in stride. There were days she would get frustrated, but that doesn't mean she quit loving me. As I grew older, I developed a serious like of respect for authority, and my mouth got terrible. Snide remarks, rude comebacks. I was not a nice person to anyone, let alone my mother, but she never gave up on me. There were days when it seemed like we were going to drive each other crazy, but she never turned away from me. Even now, when I have matured exponentially, there are still days when I just want to yell in her face, but she always love me, and I will always love her.

Through my entire life she has been there for me. She was my chauffeur, my teacher, my role model ( both in how to be and how not to be), my confidant, my friend, my editor, and my money tree. When I'm sick, she gets up in the middle of the night, she stays home and misses out on events, she nurses me. She has juggled various jobs, homeschooling, and a busy social life, all for me and my siblings.

My mom may not be perfect, she may have some issues, but overall, she is the best mother I could have.

I love you to the moon and back, Momma.
Emily E.