From the Field - Beginnings of Worship

As I sat on the bus on the way back to my apartment last night after church, I realized, that even though I have no clear idea of how to start a worship band, I do know that you have to start with a heart of worship. It doesn't take a spiritual gift of administration and development to create something from seemingly nothing. Ultimately, that's God's job, but He wants to see us come before Him saying we need His help with this task.

And so, I am coming to Him for help. What do I say, how do I approach this subject? How do I ask for members, how do I spot out the spiritual leaders? Where do I go from here with this idea? To have an idea is one thing, but to put into action as a single person is another. Many times, it takes a team of people to make one person's idea a reality. I don't have that team to work with at Richmond. It's pretty much just me for a while.

Friday night, while we were sitting around at the welcome party, it was very hard for me to discern who in the room was a spiritual leader and who was not. I did feel as though one boy had the potential to be a leader, and was to some extent, but his heart attitude is not in the right place at all. I felt as though though others did follow him naturally, but he could be so much more.

As for music to introduce and integrate into this group, I am at a loss. I know what we sing in the youth group back home, but I don't know what songs they are used to here. I want to give them something fresh and new. I've been looking into worship leaders and their music, and while I have a good amount of well known songs, I want to let them experience the renewed passion you can have from learning a new song. A song who's words you listen to before you sing. What about you all? What are some worship songs or artists that speak to you? Feel free to comment as much as you like, I would love any and all ideas.

Working hard,
Emily E.

From the Field - Orientation and Settling In

On Monday, I left home by myself for the first time. My flight schedule was supposed to go as follows: Jacksonville to Atlanta, Atlanta to Dallas, then straight from Dallas to Vancouver. Instead, I went Jacksonville to Atlanta, sat on the runway for two and half hours, flew to Dallas, missed my Vancouver flight by five minutes, sat in the Dallas Airport for four hours, then flew to Vancouver. I eventually flew in at 9:30 Pacific time, which was midnight Eastern time. I got through customs fine, found my suitcase almost immediately, and found the group that was meeting me almost as quickly. There were four other people flying in around the same time I was, so we all met up with one of the group leaders we would be working with this summer.

Current Canada Vancouver is more than just me and my two other team members at CCGC (Chinese Christian Gospel Church), it is 16 other young adults working with four other churches throughout the Vancouver area and Vancouver Island. So orientation was not just my group, it wads a huge team coming together to learn about and pray for these communities we're serving in. We are a team as a whole, underneath that, we are separate teams, and underneath that, we are individuals, all striving to allow God to move in them and move through them. We all came with the intention of changing lives even if the lives changed are their own.

Monday through Wednesday, we stayed in one of the churches we'll be working with this summer. Tuesday morning, after everyone was awake and had eaten, we began orientation. We started with a devotional and prayer time to open our hearts to the things we needed in order to fully work for the Kingdom. After, we were given an overview of the church planting vision for Vancouver, and given a rundown of Canadian culture. (I'm not allowed to say ma'am or sir, or call an adult by Mr. or Mrs. My parents worked for 18 years to get me to say those every time I addressed an adult, and now I'm not supposed to because it's rude.)

After that little culture shock, we were given a very good guide on how to evangelize with Canadians. In America, we are encouraged to openly share the Gospel and our testimonies with people we don't know that well. In Canada, we have to build relationships before we can begin to talk about things on a spiritual level. While Canadians are open to talking about spiritual things, they're not open to talking with a spiritual connection. It takes time to build relationships where they are comfortable talking to you. Americans will let you into their lives but not into their homes, but Canadians will let you into their homes, but not into their lives.

After evangelism training, we had lunch and played flag football. (I did not play flag football, I kept score and played with one of the leader's little kids.)

After lunch, we got into our groups and talked about the roles of each team member. Since I am living by myself, I am my own accountant, food director, spiritual leader, and planner. The guys (Stephen and Morgan) will be working at two of the other locations of CCGC, so I'm by myself for a while.

I am working at the Richmond location, where I will be taking over administrative duties for their youth group there. I will be teaching bible study twice a week, as well as setting up a praise band while I am here. I have two other girls who are helping me through the adjustment process and I am so thankful for them already!

After we were done on Tuesday, the leaders let us loose into the city to explore. We ended up going downtown and eating in the Italian strip. Then breaking off into groups of three and four. I went with my team and we ended up at the waterfront and talking about our testimonies. Maybe I can get the guys to write a guest post to put up here soon. After that we headed back to the church we were staying at, which is also where I will be working this summer. Wednesday, we went over a few more things then we packed up the vehicles and sent to get settled into our apartments. I met the family that is hosting me, and they are all very sweet. Their youngest is a girl a year older than me, and she seems very open to starting a friendship with me. There is a ministry opportunity there, so please pray for that. We took the boys to their apartment, then ate poutine (fries, brown gravy, and cheese curd. It is absolutely to die for!) And went to get groceries. We dumped those at the apartments and then ate pizza for dinner.

They dropped me off at my place, and I got everything unpacked and took a nice shower, then went to bed. Today (6/20) I've mostly been various books that have been assigned to me, and have been looking into curriculums for bible studies. Later tonight, I am meeting a girl named Erica and her family,. She is one of the girls I will be working from the church. She's in university, but I'm not quite sure what year. Tomorrow, I'm going to try and meet with the guys and get some sort of meeting schedule set up, and I'll probably try to go exploring through the Richmond area where I'm staying. Tomorrow night, they are having a welcome party for me at one of the youth's house. I'm so excited about their excitement to have me here! So far, they have left me a gift basket with all sorts of snacks, and a beautiful card welcoming me here!

Excited to see what God does,
Emily M.

From the Field- Airport Thoughts

So... It's been a while since I last posted, but I am very happy to announce that I am officially in the mission field. I am currently sitting in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport waiting for my flight into Vancouver. While sitting here, I've come to the conclusion that I hate airports. I love flying, it's like riding a really long roller coaster, but I do not like airports at all! I feel so self-conscious just sitting, with all these other people, trying not to look at them, hoping they don't look at me, and then thinking, there's a soul behind that face. I remember why I'm here in the first place. I'm not going on vacation. I'm going on a mission. I am going to proactively fight a battle against the enemy. I am joining forces with two other young adults and a whole church so that we may save lives. I am here to be the embodiment of love to people.

As I sit here, listening to a man talk about the fascinating business of medium sized farming, I remember that God has given me a specific job to do. He has given me a charge. Change the world. Go and do the job I have for you. Go and show them Jesus through your actions. And still I sit here, too scared to strike up a conversation with the older couple splitting a few seat s down from me. Too scared to ask the two really rude guys to stop cussing and looking at me like they're trying to impress me. Too scared to ask the other loner why he's going to Vancouver.

But I'm also too scared to ignore them. I'm too scared to not wonder what their life is like. I'm too scared to not think that they might need Jesus. I'm too scared to let myself take a nap and block everyone out for an hour. I'm too scared to not see them.

A little boy ran by earlier dragging a suitcase behind calling for his mom and dad. At first, I worried he was lost, but he seemed intent on following a certain woman, so I thought he was with her. But then she didn't turn around. By that time, they were farther down the way than I wanted to go. I am so ashamed. I could have gone have him, should have gone after him, and made sure he was okay. What if he wasn't? What if he's still wandering the airport? What if it was all my fault? I could have shown him how much Jesus loves the little children, instead I showed him how much our world doesn't care.  I haven't even gotten to the final stop and I have already failed in my mission.

I've held eye contact with an older man several times, and yet never said a word. For all I know, he could have been begging me to tell him about this Savior,m this Jesus I know. For all I know he could die tomorrow. I have been sitting in this airport for two hours and I have refused to listen to the cross of the souls surrounding me.

Who am I, that God would want to use me, a dirty, rotten, heartless creature, to spread the love of the Gospel. Why would He choose me, a lazy, disgusting child, to teach about His truth? What qualifies me to do any of this?

The answer is nothing. I am nothing, I have done nothing, and I will never be anything significant enough to qualify me for Kingdom work. Yet, even in this, God looked at me, pricked my heart, and said, "I want you to go. I choose you. I chose you before you were even born, because you are special. You are precious to Us, and We want you to be a witness to the awesome things We can do through the broken vessels. I have chosen you, my child."

Jeremiah 1: 5-8, "I chose you before I formed you in the womb; Inset you apart before you were born. I appointed you a prophet to the nations. But I protested, 'Oh no, Lord, God! Look I don't know how to speak since I am only a youth.' Then the Lord said to me: Do not say, 'I am only a youth,' for you will go to everyone I send you ton and speak whatever I tell you. Do not be afraid of anyone, for I will be with you to deliver you. This is the Lord's declaration."

Emily E.

I just realized that some of you reading this blog, especially those of you in other countries, might not actually be Christians. I know I started this blog to chronicle my life and to help those close to me keep up with what was going on with me, but I also feel that this blog is an outreach of sorts. So, I want to share my testimony with all of you.

My parents were already Christians when I was born, and they were also very involved in a church. I grew up in that church. My earliest memory is of me standing in the front parking lot of the church, watching the Vacation Bible School kick-off. Like I said my parents were very involved in the church. My dad was a deacon, my mom was the vacation bible school director and a preschool teacher at the adjacent private school, and together they taught marriage enrichment classes. I attended the private school that my mom taught at, which was also held in the classrooms of the church. Since I was almost literally at the church every day, I knew a lot about the Bible and about Jesus. I knew the gospel, and I knew the worship songs. I was surrounded by the culture of the church. When I was six years old, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. I started reading my Bible outside of church and learning about what Jesus called us to do.

When I was seven, the private school shut down. My parents were determined to make sure that I grew up in a stimulating, healthy environment, and they did thorough research on the elementary schools in our area. While there were several that were promising for my intellectual and mental growth, they weren't so much for my spiritual growth. A friend of ours told us they were moving out to a different county that had an excellent school system. Though it was a public school, my parents saw that it was a Christian community and it seemed like a good place to move. So we did.

For me, as a seven year old who was sheltered and lived five minutes away from the only other place I went on a regular basis, moving was a foreign concept to me. Though my parents explained it and made sure I understood what was happening, it didn't really make since to me. I became very upset with my family, especially my mom, because for some reason I felt like this was her fault. I became very emotionally unbalanced, and I was angry at everyone. I tried really hard to fit in, but I didn't. I felt alone and abandoned, and it didn't help that my mom had decided she was going to open and manage a scrapbook store during the same year we moved.

By the time I started the sixth grade, I had known for a long time that I didn't have very many real friends. People played with you on the playground and some came to my birthday parties, but that was only because they felt obligated to. So in sixth grade, when I started band class, a whole new world kind of emerged for me. There were people that were as weird as I was, and they were okay with it. They liked making new friends, and they didn't mind hanging out with me. So, instead of trying to be myself and keep my morals, I tried to become more like them. I wanted to make sure that they liked me and accepted me as a part of their group. I ended up being a two-faced hypocrite by the second half of the year, because I would act just like they did.

During those first two or three years after we moved, my family just sort of stopped going to church. It was obvious to all of us that we had serious problems, and most of them stemmed from me. The same year I started sixth grade, my parents found a church they wanted to start attending. So during middle school I would go with them only because I had to. I didn't want to go to church anymore. I didn't care about that anymore. I let go of almost everything that set me apart from the rest of my friends: my morals. While I didn't sneak out and go to parties, and I kept a resolution that I would never drink, smoke, or do drugs, I was an extremely disrespectful kid. I didn't care about rules, I did what I wanted, said what I wanted, and wore what I wanted at school. While I was still a "good kid" in the eyes of teachers and some of my friends, I felt that I was not. I liked that. I liked the attention I got when I cussed when the teacher couldn't hear, when I only wore tank-tops under my jacket, when I cheated for someone. I thought that I was fine. When I was at home, I was extremely disrespectful, I lied to my parents, we argued all the time, and I openly told them that I hated them almost weekly. Before I started eighth grade, my parents sat me down and told me that if I didn't get my act together and start behaving they were going to pull my out of public school. They said I had until Christmas to prove myself, but I didn't even last that long. Four weeks into the school year, my dad and I had a (semi) physical fight and they drew the line. Five weeks later, they pulled me out and started homeschooling me.

There was an almost instant change in my attitude. Not because it woke me up that they were serious, but because my parents did what God told them to and pulled me away from the bad influences. Honestly, that was the best decision they ever made concerning me. I am so thankful now that they did, because I don't even want to think about where I would be if they hadn't. The sudden change of environment, though beneficial, was not easy to get acclimated to. I had a very hard time adjusting, and I would get bored easily. During middle school, our new church had gone through a lot of changes, including an almost completely replaced ministerial staff. We got a new pastor when I was in sixth grade, and he brought his family of four kids. Their oldest daughter, who is a year younger than me, was a friend of mine, and helped me tremendously through the transition from public to home school. She was one of the any supporters I had during this hard year. Looking back, I think the '08-'09 school year was probably my hardest year spiritually. While there wasn't as much disrespectful behavior as previous years, there was still a fair amount of fighting, not only with my parents but with God. I remember that year's camp so vividly. There were lots of angry tears shed as God broke down all of the layers I had built around my heart.

I look back on the past five years, and I see what a change God has made in my life. I went from being a disrespectful rebellious child on the path headed to destruction, and through his everlasting grace and mercy I am striving to become a godly young woman and be all that God intended for me to be. Every year, I have noticed an overall change for the better, and I can't wait to see what God does to me and through me this year. I never imagined I would be preparing for a mission trip at this age. I just turned 18, and I just graduated. But God opened a door, beckoned me to it, and said, "I want you to go." And go I shall.

Thankful for mercy,
Emily E.

Musical Mondays - Skillet - Monster

So quick update, then on to musical Monday. This week has been by far one of the craziest ever. During the first half of the week, I spent the day getting ready for my graduations and party, and then I would go to a different party every night. Thursday was my party, and we spent the entirety of that day setting up and cooking. Friday was the local public schools graduation, which I had fully intended on going to, but ended up with a headache, so I couldn't go. Saturday was the big day! I had my first graduation at 11, where I spoke and played piano. I was complemented by several people about the speech I gave. Both of the other speakers were very impressed, and I was so grateful that God gave me the proper words to say. The second graduation was at 4, and I played piano alongside several other students. Jared, my former youth pastor came up from Sarasota to speak, and it was wonderful to see him and his family again. (Congratulations are due to them as well because they are going to have another baby! This is so exciting, especially knowing that their first child was very hard to conceive and was prayed for for several years.) So that's all that has happened in the past week.

On to Musical Monday! I feel like writing about some hard rock. Do you want to hear about some hard rock? Let's talk about some hard rock. Hard rock, yay! This week's song is Skillet's Monster. I love this song, and all of their stuff, not only because of the music, but because the words have a good message as well. Let's begin!

The secret side of me

I never let you see

I keep it caged

But I can't control it

So stay away from me

The beast is ugly

I feel the rage

And I just can't hold it

It's scratching on the walls

In the closet, in the halls

It comes awake

And I can't control it

Hiding under the bed

In my body, in my head

Why won't somebody come and save me from this?

Make it end!

I feel it deep within,

It's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become

The nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep

Hid under lock and key

I keep it caged

But I can't control it

Cause if I let him out

He'll tear me up

And break me down

Why won't somebody come and save me from this?

Make it end!

I feel it deep within,

It's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become

The nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within,

It's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

It's hiding in the dark

It's teeth are razor sharp

There's no escape for me

It wants my soul,

It wants my heart

No one can hear me scream

Maybe it's just a dream

Or maybe it's inside of me

Stop this monster!

I feel it deep within,

It's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become

The nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I feel it deep within,

It's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I'm gonna lose control

Here's something radical

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I, I feel like a monster

I'm not going to lie, I really like this song. A lot. More than I probably should. Also, did you know that Skillet, which has been a constant in the heavy rock genre for many years, released their first album in 1996? That was seventeen years ago! Though there have been a few line-up changes and additions, the membership of the band has stayed relatively the same, I believe.

The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
So stay away from me
The beast is ugly
I feel the rage
And I just can't hold it

There is a part of all of us that we don't like. We think that if it ever rears its nasty ugly head that people are going to look at us and say, "wow, they have some major problems What a freak!" We suppress it, we bury it so that no one else could ever possibly discover it. When we feel that it might manifest itself, we try to run. We hide away from others until the danger passes.

It's scratching on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake
And I can't control it
Hiding under the bed
In my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!

It tries so often to escape. It claws at the walls we build to keep it in. It moves from the place we kept it hidden, to the place where people can find it. It gets so out of control that we feel like we're going insane. It's everywhere inside of us, and we just want it go away, but it doesn't.

I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

This thing we keep hidden, it's finally grown too big. We feel like a disaster, a terror is occurring in our own mind. We hate this, and we have to let it out somehow. We know this is only the beginning of the fight within our mind, but we still can't help feel as though we are being eaten from the inside out.

It's hiding in the dark
It's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me
It wants my soul,
It wants my heart

When we think it's all clear, it's still there, tempting, haunting. There is no escape for us. The monster inside wants to consume you. It wants to rule you. It wants to destroy you from the inside out and bring your life down with it.

No one can hear me scream
Maybe it's just a dream
Or maybe it's inside of me
Stop this monster!

The terrible thing about it, is that no one knows it's there. It's all in your own mind. Is it real? Or not? Who can tell?

Emily E.