Some Thoughts

So...it's been a while since I just sat down and let you all know what's going on with me.As you should know, my time here in Canada is coming to a close soon; We have six days of ministry left, then two days of debriefing, then we all fly out next Saturday. It seems so surreal to think about leaving, and like I said before, a very large part of me wants to stay here. I have fallen in love with my students, and this church, and this city, and all the people who call it home. But...I am ready to go home to my family. I am ready to sleep in my bedroom, with it's aqua painted walls and plywood flooring (don't ask). I'm ready to hug on my family, and to see everyone back at FBC Glen St. Mary. I'm ready to start school again, as much as I dislike saying that. I'm ready to be able to drive myself places instead of waiting on public transit. I'm ready to go home.

Yes, there are parts of me that are going to hurt when I leave, but it's all part of the process. I think the biggest thing I'm afraid of is how I'm going to react spiritually to being back home in the familiar. I don't want to get back, get caught up in all the work that comes with looking for a job and starting classes, and making a budget and saving money, and keeping an organized calendar, because I'm an adult and I have to do these things for myself now. I don't want to get back home and look how people spent their summers and think that they wasted them because they didn't do something big, or exciting, or productive. I don't want to carry myself with a self-righteous attitude. But, most of all, I think my biggest problem with going home, is that I don't want to go back, turn around, and move up to the college and career class. I want to go back to the youth group, where all of my friends are, even if we are still looking for a full time youth pastor.

As I've been reflecting on my time here, I've realized that this trip was just as much about God working through some things in my life as it was about God using me to reach people. There were a lot of questions that I didn't know I had, and there were some things from my past that I didn't realize I needed to come to terms with. Being up here, interacting with a lot of different people who had a lot of different lifestyles and problems helped me see some of mine. I've been doing a lot of praying, and a lot of crying, for a lot of different reasons that I can't really tell you yet. Some things involving plans for my future are still a little foggy for me, and some of the things involving my past are a little too sensitive right now. One day, though.

But for now, I know from what others have told me, and from the satisfaction that my soul gets from it, that writing and teaching on God's Word is what I am passionate and gifted at. Even though I had an idea to be a short-term missionary after I finished up this next year of school, I think I should continue with my bachelor's degree after I get my Associate's. I do think I'm going to try for Liberty, but there are a few other school I want to look back into now.

So that's what's been going on with me, personally, while I've been up here. I don't know what going home is going to be like, I don't know what I'm expecting. As much as most of us dislike believing, the world keeps going even when we're not around. People have been living their lives back at home, and I'm sure they've changed as people do. So we'll see what happens.

In Christ,
Emily E.

From the Field - Quick Updates

I just realized I haven't been giving you readers any updates! So I'm going to give you guys the last two email updates that I sent back home.

From July 9:

Sunday, I taught my first lesson. After debating for the past few weeks on what I should teach on, I believe the Richmond youth needed to hear about making biblical principles a priority. So I have started a six-session series I am calling Priorities: Six Godly Principles As Exampled By Jesus. I feel many of these kids are truly born again believers, but they aren't focused or don't know how to follow Christ. By taking the title of Christian, you are calling yourself a follower of Christ, and I want them to see how they can do that by simply applying how Jesus lived to their own lives. A lot of the kids also don't really put spiritual things at the top of their list of important things. They may or may not come to church or other church related events, simply because they had other plans that sounded better, or because they just didn't want to.

So pray for the youth that they would open their ears to what God wants them to hear and that God would take hold of their hearts and threat they would feel the urge took truly build their relationship with God.

Also pray for the first Friday session coming up this week. We had ten kids on Sunday, which is a pretty big group for them. Fridays, however, they don't really have a core group. This bothers me. Their Friday nights are like our Wednesday nights, except they meet at other people's houses. I know Fridays are the night to go on dates and have fun, but I would love to see some more people come. So pray that they feel the need to come on Friday.

In other news, we (the entire Vancouver intern group, there were ten of us) went and climbed the Grouse Grind, which is an intense trail up the Grouse Mountain. So I climbed another mountain. It was pretty hard, but not nearly as hard as The Chief in Squamish. I was still at the end of the pack with one of the other girls, but we had a nice time all the same. This time, we hiked in the evening, and we got to watch the sunset from the top and rode the lift down. Needless to say, I am very sore and tired.

Also, I believe I am getting sick. I woke up with nasal drainage and a scratchy throat, so please pray that it doesn't get any worse and that I heal soon.

From July 18:

First of all today, I would just like to say thank you. Thank you for all of your prayers and encouragement you sent last week while I was feeling icky. I truly believe it helped me recover faster. Thank you to everyone who has been diligent in prayer. I'm sorry I haven't been able to send updates and requests as often as I'm sure you would like.

Thank you specifically to the youth group. I finally picked up the letters you sent me yesterday, and I read them while waiting for my bus. I truly miss each and everyone of you, and am honestly surprised by the impact I have made within the group. I never realized the role I played in the youth group, so thank you for helping me see that. Thank you for stepping up and praying for me while I am here, it means the world to me that my friends are actively working to help supply me with the strength and energy I need to continue my work each day. I love you all and cannot wait to see you again soon.

Update time. This past week has been incredibly busy, and I don't think there will be any slowing down until I'm done. Last Friday at small group, we talked about reaching out to the outcasts of society like Jesus did, and the students really took that to heart and showed an interest in wanting to reach out to homeless people. Sadly, there is an overwhelming number of homeless people in Vancouver and the surrounding suburbs. You can't go to the sky train station without seeing at least one. You can't go down Granville Avenue without hearing the sounds of young homeless buskers hoping to make some cash. You can't go down Hastings without seeing all of the homeless people, stuck in their squalor and addictions. And these students, many of whom came from very well-off families, who have never truly known hunger, have found it in their hearts to reach out to them. We continued this discussion Sunday during Sunday School, and we talked about the first steps in helping to restore the broken lives around us. While we by no means are miracle workers, we all agreed to take on the mindset that Jesus had: That we must operate on the assumption that we have a wonder working God who delights in restoring lives that seem irrevocably shattered, and that the people around us are a miracle waiting to happen. So pray for the students and for me as I begin to look for ways the group can go downtown and minister to these broken people.

Also, please, please pray for the Chinese Christian Gospel Church. Seth (the youth pastor) and his family are moving back to Texas later this month. Seth has been going through some things and he needs to take some time away from the ministry. The church is now looking for another pastor, or someone to fill in until they find a pastor. Pray for Seth as he continues to recuperate over the next year, and for Meredith (his wife) as she goes back to teaching in Texas. Meredith and their son Monte leave sometime today, so pray for safe travels for them.

Finally, I want to ask you all to not only continue praying for me as I work here to do God's will, but that I may have a clear direction to go after I return home. I have fallen in love with these students and this city, and in all honesty do not want to leave, but I made a promise to finish at least one degree, and will have to return home to complete my Associate's degree. After I graduate, there are so many different paths I could take, so many different experiences, and all of them seem inherently good, which makes it all the more difficult to see which one is not only good, but which is the right one that God would have me follow. Please pray that I find the emotional strength to carry on while here, as there have been several day recently where I have felt stuck in a rut of emotional indifference, and do not want to do anything at all. This is not a new feeling for me, as I deal with it quite a lot at home, but please pray that I find the strength to fight against it for the sake of my students, if nothing else.

Continue to pray for Stephen and Morgan as well, as they take on teaching at the other three locations. They are also hosting a game night tomorrow night, so pray that it all goes smoothly for them.

So, that is what has been happening lately. I have 9 more days of ministry with CCGC, which means my time is coming to an end. Please pray for me as I start to wrap up my lessons.

In Christ,

Emily E.

2 am

So it's 2 am, and I can't sleep.

I have thirteen days left in Canada. I have eleven days of ministry left.

I do not want to go back home. I do not want to go back to school. I do not want to go back to living with my family. I do not want to get back on a plane. I do not want to watch my team members get on different planes than me. I do not want to leave my students. I do not want to leave Vancouver. I do not want to lose my passion. I do not want to go back to mundane living. I do not want to go back to being surrounded by people with the goal of furthering the numbers of the church. I do not want to forget God. I do not want to put God back in the box.

But at the same time, I want to see my family again. I want to hug my little brother. I want to watch TV with my sister. I want to have a real conversation with my dad. I want to eat at my mom's table. I want to talk to my friends. I want to take bible classes. I want to listen to my pastor preach. I want to see my music minister one more time. I want to hold my cat close to me. I want to sit at NY keyboard and play for three hours. I want to break out my clarinet and make horrid squeaks until music comes out of it again. I want to run around the yard with my dogs. I want to help my mom pick berries and mint, and put up corn. I want to play dress up. I want to wear an actual dress to church.

I don't want to leave, because I've fallen in love. I've fallen in love with this city, with this church, with my team, with the people of this city. But I want to go home to the others I love. I want to go back to my family, my friends, my church.

Why must God give us a passion, send us somewhere, then send us away again? Why must I stay for a little while then move on? Why can I not travel the world from place to place instead of going  home? Why must this be so hard? I've made a home out of Vancouver, I don't want to leave.

I'm coming back one day, some day, soon.
Emily E.

For the Young Ones

Can I talk to the young people for a minute? Adults, please pass this on to your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and students. I want to tell you guys something that is of the utmost importance.

God does not have any grandchildren.

Now those of you who have grown up in the church are looking at this right now and thinking, "Well, duh, Emily. Of course not, we are all God's children. The Bible doesn't say anything about grandchildren." And you are absolutely correct.

What I mean is that you cannot inherit your family's faith. Just because your parents are Christians (or Muslim, Buddhist, or any other religion for that matter) and took you church every Sunday as you grew up does not make you a Christian. Just because you were raised to believe there is a God does not make you a Christian.

You are not born into a relationship, you are born into an institutionalized religion. You are fed Bible stories and Christian songs and Christmas plays from your toddler years, but that does not make you a Christian. Just because you were in every musical, went to every vacation Bible School, attended church every Sunday morning, and every Wednesday and Sunday night, does not make you a Christian. It makes you a religious statistic.

You are not a Christian just because your parents or grandparents are. You become a Christian through your faith and allegiance to the King of Heaven. You become a Christian by admitting your sins and committing your life to serving a man who gave His life up for you.

You know what else? This time in your life is the most flexible and free time you will ever have. This is the perfect time to be fully committed to serving God and answering His calling. This is the perfect time to move. It breaks my heart to see so many of my peers and my closest friends wasting the most influential time of their life because they don't care.

You need to care. You need to find that passion for something more than clothes, sports, grades, and dating. We are talking about finding a passion for the Kingdom of God. All that other stuff, it's okay, but it is not what your life revolves around.

For those of you who are Christians, I want to refer to you a verse that I'm sure you've heard many times in the church. 1 Timothy 4:12 says ,"Let no one despise your youth; instead, you should be an example to the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity." Let me explain what this verse is not saying. This verse is not saying, "Be stuck up and arrogant because you're young." It's not saying, "Live it up and party while you can because YOLO."

This verse is saying, "Don't let the adults opinions bring you down. Don't be discouraged by other's opinions. Keep found what you're doing for Christ's Kingdom." This verse says very specifically, "Be an example to believers," not the world, the church.

Be an example in speech. If you're a Christian, "no foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, son that it gives grace to those who hear." (Ephesians 4:29) Those f bombs you like to drop? Yeah, stop it. Now. Those curse words you like to sprinkle into your language on Facebook and Twitter? Delete them. Not only is it rude and uncalled for, but the Bible specifically calls against it. Does that statement build up someone? No? Then don't say it. Does that, "That's what she said joke" make someone's statement crude and irrelevant to the conversation now? Yes? Then hold your tongue and keep your mouth shut. Do the words hoe, slut, or skank uplift that girl? Do the words stupid, whack, or nigga, or gangsta build up that boys self-identity? Then don't address them as such. Your words are meant to be encouraging and uplifting, not slanderous and degrading.

Be an example in conduct. "All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ" (Ephesians 4:31). In other words, behave yourself. The way you act in public directly reflects not only your family and how they raised you, but also your God for whom "We are now ambassadors" (2 Corinthians 5:20). So all that rowdiness and not very smart stunts you and your friends pull? Yeah, don't. You shouldn't be extremely loud either, as you can see. Be kind to others, because who wants to associate with a God whose followers are rude?

Be an example in love. I'm not going to quote the entirety of 1 Corinthians, but let me point out a few things. This is not talking about the kind of love you have towards your family, your friends, or even to your husband or wife. This is talking about spiritual love. Deep, meaningful love. Love is patient. If someone is in your way, be patient, maybe they're having a problem. Love is not boastful or conceited. If you did this big awesome thing and it's so cool and you're so proud of it, good for you. We're all happy for you, great job! But please, don't rub it in our faces every chance you get. Love keeps no records of wrongdoings. If someone hurts you, find it in your soul and by the help of God, forgive them, and forget about it. Put it in the past, it is irrelevant.

Be an example in faith. In the movie Amazing Grace, which chronicles the story of William Wilberforce and his drive to abolish slavery in England, one of the characters, William Pitt, states," We're too young to realize certain things are impossible. Which is why we will do them anyway." That is the faith we should have. We do not know if anything is possible, but we believe that God can do anything, so we jump at the chance to do things for God. Faith is about action. About moving. We are too young to worry about what the world thinks of our radical Christianity, we are young, and therefore have the audacity to move when God tells us to.

Be an example in purity. You guys, society, and sadly everyone in churches now, expect you to have sex before marriage. If you are in a relationship for longer than six months, it is expected that you have done it. You can't have a healthy relationship without having sex. This is a lie. We are supposed to be an example! Why aren't we stepping up to the challenge of standing for purity and a clean heart in this world that advocates sexual experimentation? This is not just a physical purity, this is about your heart. There is so much I could say about this, but I need another post to fully go into it.

Your time, OUR time, is now. It's not after college, it's right now. What are you being held back by that you cannot fully commit yourself to the work of God? If it's a person, sever those ties. If it's a job, quit it. God will provide for you being faithful. If it's your family, move out. God has called you to something bigger than what you're doing right now.

Please. Please, don't waste these years. You were made for so much more than this.

Burdened in Christ,
Emily E.

Oppositions

This world we live in is full of different ideas, religions, and opinions. In our society, we have such contrasting ideas, each thinking it is right, that sometimes we cause an intellectual, theological, and political stalemate. We have doubts, not only about the opposing side's opinions but about our own as well. When we confront our own doubts and learn the truth about them, we stand stronger in our beliefs, and can represent with more boldness and clarity than before. When we dig into the doubt of the other side, we can represent their opinions, and still keep ours intact. Though we may not be in agreement, we can still stand in a mutual understanding. Instead of throwing blind, one-sided accusations, we can come to a mutual disagreement. It is not about proving the other wrong; it is about respect. When we show respect, we show not only maturity but humility and civility. To respect those you agree with is incredibly easy. To respect those who think against you is incredibly hard. It is hard, but not impossible. It takes a mind willing enough to view the problem from all sides, but stubborn enough to hold firm in the face of unsupportive evidence. We are a generation open to new ideas, yet strong-willed enough to fight for our own. We are a generation open to intellectual challenges but are not easily confused. We will fight that the sky is orange, even if it clearly blue. We will take a stance that seems unorthodox, but when inspected falls in line with the oldest of tradition.

I stand on the side of stubborn pride. I refuse to be proven wrong. I will fight until you understand my views. I will easily forget to listen and explore your views, though. I am trying to be better about it, but it takes a lot of work to stop being selfish. I am willing, just not in the heat of the debate. I can listen, just not when I think what I have to say is more important. I am a reason we have a problem in society. I am the stubborn, the intolerant.

But what if I, and those like me, weren't? What if instead of intolerance — which is not necessarily being rudely against a viewpoint, but rather a certain fear and even ignorance of that view — we were receptive to hear their side of the story? What if we were not only willing to hear but were willing to really listen? What if instead of thinking about our next comeback, we take in what they have to say and truly think about their opinions? What if instead of being rude, we were civil and kind in our words? What kind of world would we live in?

Now consider this. God nor Jesus ever promised peace for Christians. We were not promised that everyone would love us because we are those chosen to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. In fact, Jesus says the exact opposite. We will be persecuted in His name. Almost all of the 12 were killed as a result of their unwavering faith. We are not meant to be given peace. We are meant to be given the exact opposite. We are promised ridicule, persecution and abandonment. We do not live in the perfected earth yet, and we won't for some time. We live in the world that is ruled by Satan and by evil. As a result as pilgrims in this hostile land, we are not going to have rest, not now, at least.

When people say the world hates Jesus, I sometimes find myself disagreeing. When Jesus walked the earth, it was not the sinners that hated Him, it was the church. The Pharisees, the priests were the ones who put Him on a cross, they were the lines who arrested Him and put Him on trial. The sinners loved Jesus because He brought them hope. Jesus reached out to them, the ones the church ridiculed.

The world today doesn't hate Jesus. If given a true example of the love of Jesus, I'm sure many more would be willing to put their trust in Him. No, the world hates the church. The bigoted, harsh people who persecute and destroy in the name of our God. Those who led the Crusades, and the ones who claimed lands for their countries and their God. No, the world hates us because we hate them. We turn our noses up at the homeless, we give the cold shoulder to the pregnant girls, afraid and alone. We shout labels and venomous sneers at the sinners, the homosexuals, the alcoholics, the drug addicts when we forget that we are just as unworthy of Christ's sacrifice as they are.

We are no better than this world, but we believe that we are. We are just as sick and twisted in our cold dead hearts as they are. So shame on you, you who gives the disapproving glance to the scantily dressed girl. Shame on us, who close our doors to those of different cultures. Shame on me, who walks by the homeless without a second thought. Shame on the church, for their legalistic lies. And shame on our hearts, for becoming hardened to the troubles of the world.

The world hates Jesus because the Jesus they see in us is a judgemental, biased jerk. They hate Jesus because we hate Him. If we loved Him, we wouldn't slander His name. If we loved Him, we wouldn't hate them. If we loved Him, we would become like Him.

For more on this, please listen to God Is Not A White Man by Gungor.
Emily E.

Describe Him

How do you describe God? Some call Him Father, some say Creator, others Savior. But how do you describe Him? Is He that Father you longed for as a child? Is He an Almighty Power who spoke the universe into motion? Or is He your Savior? The One who put His life on the line for you, and ultimately gave it up. How do you describe God?

To me, He is all these things. Though I have an earthly father, whom I love dearly, God is my heavenly Father. He gives me things my dad never can. He gave me hope for a better life, He gave me strength in those moments when I am weak. He gave me peace when my heart is troubled.

He is not just the Creator, He is my Creator. He gave me eyes to see the beauty of His world, ears to hear the joy in a loved one's laughter, hands to hold a precious child. He gave me a heart to love with, a mind to think and reason with, and a soul to serve with. He gave me passions, desires, and emotions. He gave me words to speak encouragement with. He gave me life and a world in which to live. He gave me everything I have,

He is, above all, my Savior, my Master, my Lord who valued me so.  He came to live in ridicule, He came to pay the price of my sin. He came so that He could wipe away every stain of pride, greed, maliciousness and dirtiness off of me. He stands now, constantly fighting for my soul, that I may become the best servant I can be. He stands to bear witness to His Father, our Father. He stands and cries out that I am doing good work for Him, that my works are pleasing to Him.

So, what do you call God? Do you call Him, Father? Do you call Him, Creator? Or do you call Him, Savior?

In Christ,
Emily E.

From the Field - Camping Update

I'm so sorry this has taken a while to get up. Stuff has been happening in my life personally and I've been trying to sort it all out. Needless to say, this leaves my brain feeling quite fried and unable to properly write. But that is no excuse, and I am finally sitting down to write.

On Monday (7/1) we all arrived safely back to Vancouver from the camping trip in Squamish. As much as I hated sleeping on the ground in a tent, I honestly didn't want to leave. I love the forest, mountains, nature, and the feeling of being physically closer to God when you aren't surround by high rises.

So on Friday, after the boys got on the wrong train and my group of kids from Richmond all arrived at our meeting place late, we all met up at Patterson Sky train station, packed up the bus and headed out on time at 1 o' clock. When we arrived, Seth, Austin, and the Abilene group were already there with the sites and tents already set up.

We got settled in, had worship, then split into small groups. I was in charge of leading a group of kids going into 9th and 10th grade, and they were very curious. Since they were younger, we ended up getting done a lot sooner than the other groups simply because they didn't have that much to say about the lessons. They did, however, have a lot of very good questions about a broad range of subjects, including abortion, gay marriage, and Satan's power over sin and temptations. I don't know if any of them actually listened to what I had to say, but it was very encouraging to know that they were investigating their faith for themselves.

Saturday, we woke up, had breakfast, worship, study groups, then a group of us went hiking down to some railroad tracks we found. Being the fearless explorer (or the stupidly curious mind) that I am, I found a little walkway down from the tracks where the waterfall emptied into the lake up there. There was a little "beach" that was really just a smoothed over rock, and some driftwood. I went back and called everybody else over, and we all had a grand time climbing and exploring and having a fun time getting to know one another.

Sunday, after morning stuff, we all went and hiked a mountain! There was a point about ten minutes in where most of the people stopped, but the older kids and adults could keep going if they wanted to. So I did. It was simultaneously the worst and best decision of the weekend. While I was the last one to the top of the mountain (and I mean all the way up the peak) I did make it all the way up. And it was so worth the tiredness, shaking legs, and sunburnt face. To get to the top and to see the entirety of the area was absolutely astounding. Words cannot describe the beauty in which God moves and creates. I can never understand how people who have experienced Creation in this way could look at it and say there is no God. To look at the sheer enormity of the mountains and realize how comparatively small you are, then say there is no way you could believe in an almighty, beautiful Creator is beyond me.

Anyway, it took me two and a half hours to climb all the way to the peak, and about an hour and fifteen to come back down. Along the way, I learned something very important, something that God has been trying to tell me for a while. I learned that I was not made to be stationary. I was made to move, to be the hands and feet of God. How can I do that if my daily routine consists of sitting on my bed with my laptop on my belly? As absurd as it sounds, God has been trying to get me to be active, and in a city like Vancouver, you can't not be active. Yes there is public transit, but you have to walk to a majority of the places you want to go. My legs are in so much pain right now. It hurts to stand up, I can't seem to fill my stomach because my metabolism has increased with the increase in simple physical activity. I'm trying to not eat a lot of food because I don't want to eat myself out of house and home. But yet I need that energy to continue. It is a strange problem, now that I write it out, but I think it's a good problem.

Monday was also Canada Day, which is their Independence Day. Needless to say, after this weekend in the mountains and Monday in Vancouver, I definitely could be Canadian (or at least apply for dual citizenship, but that wouldn't make my parents very happy, would it?) After we all got back to our houses and recouped for a little while (which translates to charged our phones and tablets), we all met back up at the downtown street fair that was going on. We were going to meet back up with the Abilene, Texas group, since they had gone kayaking earlier, but they ended up staying on a mountain to watch the fireworks. So it ended up being me, Stephen, Morgan, and two of my kids from Richmond. It was a wonderful time and the fireworks were some of the best I've seen in person. Since I'm probably not going to be able to watch the Independence Day fireworks from D.C., I was more than willing to sit and wait in the grass by the water for two hours.

On Tuesday, I met with Seth and the boys to talk about plans for this week, then the three of us (the interns) went and met the Abilene group in Gastown so we could spend one more day with them before they left on Wednesday. It is incredible to see how quickly and deeply we formed bonds and friendships with these people, and I can truly say that I already miss them. I grew very close to several of the students and have come to love all of the adults who came. All I can say is that I'm thankful for Facebook!

Tuesday night, I received news that my music minister would be taking up a new calling in South Carolina. He and his family will be gone before I return, so I am very emotionally upset right now. Brian and Kerri were some of the most influential people in my life, and not having them there to see me come home is going to be very hard. Wednesday, I told the boys, and they met up with me to simply be there for me. As thankful as I am that I get work with them to minister to the youth, I am equally as thankful that we are here to minister to each other.

Please pray for me as I continue to form deep relationships with the youth and minister to them. Pray that God will continue to encourage me and protect me while traveling solo. Please pray for my students, because several of them have problems deeper than those I can handle. Pray that I have to emotional, spiritual, and physical strength to do what God places in front of me.  Pray that He continue to strengthen and build up Stephen, Morgan, and Seth as we work together to grow.

In Christ,
Emily E.