My life is stressful.
There is no getting around that fact. It just is. Could I prevent it from being stressful? Maybe. But everything I could try would never stop things from happening outside of my control. Because I'm not God.
It is the second week of school here at good ole Liberty University, and while many people claim if they can survive the first week, they can survive the entire year, I don't know if I necessarily believe that statement to be true. Because my first week here has been incredibly stressful. And it isn't going to get any easier. I don't have any "easy" classes to fall back on this semester, I don't have time to do nothing for an entire day. I have a constant stream of work, reading, and general life to get a hold of. I have things to do, a car to pay off, poems, essays, books, and plays to read, and even more to write. This semester is not going to be unstressful. I didn't think it would be. I also didn't think that there would be as many things out of my control as there already are.
You see, my laptop - my beautiful, precious, dependent franken-computer my dad lovingly put back together for me - has broken. The screen doesn't work. It is fixable, but it will cost me some money that I don't have at the moment. I haven't gotten paid for last week's work yet. So, I can't pay to get my laptop fixed until I get money and I don't have money until (hopefully) tomorrow. Which is not good because I need my laptop in two of my classes tomorrow.
I don't have some of the books I need for two of my classes still.
"But Emily didn't you think ahead? Didn't you prepare yourself and buy your books ahead of time??"
Yes, I did. But things that I can't control happened. A girl told me she had the books I needed and then she backed out and said she didn't. Then the one book I bought used from the bookstore actually ended up not being available used and they canceled the order the day before classes start. So now that I have reordered all of these books new, I am still waiting to get the email from the bookstore telling me "WE HAVE YOUR BOOKS IN HOORAY LIFE IS BETTER AND NOT TERRIBLE."
Fun fact: I ordered these books last Wednesday. They still aren't here. Also, to the students who bought the books off the bookstore shelf because they just wanted to have them and were not actually taking my classes, I hope you step on a Lego. Why would you want to buy a random textbook, and when do you have time to read them during the semester? Please explain your life choices.
And if all of this had happened to the Emily from last year, she would have had a mental breakdown and gone home. Because this would have been too much for 2014 me to handle. But I'm not 2014 me, and I'm not going home. I'm staying here, and I'm dealing with my life like an adult. Because even if I don't seem like a "real" adult a lot of the time, there is still so much I have managed to accomplish in myself the past year. The one thing I learned since then is that sometimes, you can't control every single thing that happens to you in order to protect yourself from the real world and from keeping you from going insane. Sometimes, in order to keep yourself healthy mentally, you have to face your crap. That's just the way the world works. And the world is not mine to control. So this past week, instead of having a breakdown and flipping a table, I've been trying so (sooooooo) hard to be calm about this stuff.
Maybe what I'm trying to get at is this:
It's okay to be stressed out. It's okay to be worried, it's okay to be afraid. In fact, it's completely 100% normal to feel this way sometimes. It is normal to have uncontrollable variables in your life and be afraid of their outcomes. At the end of the semester, getting my books in a week late isn't going to destroy me. It might mean I have to work extra hard to catch up, but I won't be any worse off because of it. Going without a laptop for a week isn't awful, and it's an inconvenience, but this school has so many computers all over the darn place, the only thing that is being inconvenienced is my profound desire to stay in my room all the time instead of out in public. But even that isn't awful because guess what? No one cares about what you are doing in college. Everyone is too stressed out and focused on their work to even think about you and what you are doing. (College kids do not have any concept of sonder. Also, that is the best word and idea ever and quite honestly, should be an idea that shapes Christianity and our faith. But that is a different topic for a different time.)
So all in all, life is unpredictable and can throw you off at times. That doesn't mean it has to be stressful. It just means you're living.
Emily E.
P.S.: In regards to my last post, Nasser noticed and read it. I have talked to him. We, as well as my own personal team of girls and the actual convocation team, will be meeting after the semester settles down to discuss the matter. We have been invited to help assemble a list of women we believe will make the biggest impact in the lives of our fellow students. If anyone has a request they would like to put in, feel free to comment or contact me if you know how :)
Overall, I am incredibly humbled at this opportunity and would greatly appreciate your prayers concerning the matter.
There is no getting around that fact. It just is. Could I prevent it from being stressful? Maybe. But everything I could try would never stop things from happening outside of my control. Because I'm not God.
It is the second week of school here at good ole Liberty University, and while many people claim if they can survive the first week, they can survive the entire year, I don't know if I necessarily believe that statement to be true. Because my first week here has been incredibly stressful. And it isn't going to get any easier. I don't have any "easy" classes to fall back on this semester, I don't have time to do nothing for an entire day. I have a constant stream of work, reading, and general life to get a hold of. I have things to do, a car to pay off, poems, essays, books, and plays to read, and even more to write. This semester is not going to be unstressful. I didn't think it would be. I also didn't think that there would be as many things out of my control as there already are.
You see, my laptop - my beautiful, precious, dependent franken-computer my dad lovingly put back together for me - has broken. The screen doesn't work. It is fixable, but it will cost me some money that I don't have at the moment. I haven't gotten paid for last week's work yet. So, I can't pay to get my laptop fixed until I get money and I don't have money until (hopefully) tomorrow. Which is not good because I need my laptop in two of my classes tomorrow.
I don't have some of the books I need for two of my classes still.
"But Emily didn't you think ahead? Didn't you prepare yourself and buy your books ahead of time??"
Yes, I did. But things that I can't control happened. A girl told me she had the books I needed and then she backed out and said she didn't. Then the one book I bought used from the bookstore actually ended up not being available used and they canceled the order the day before classes start. So now that I have reordered all of these books new, I am still waiting to get the email from the bookstore telling me "WE HAVE YOUR BOOKS IN HOORAY LIFE IS BETTER AND NOT TERRIBLE."
Fun fact: I ordered these books last Wednesday. They still aren't here. Also, to the students who bought the books off the bookstore shelf because they just wanted to have them and were not actually taking my classes, I hope you step on a Lego. Why would you want to buy a random textbook, and when do you have time to read them during the semester? Please explain your life choices.
And if all of this had happened to the Emily from last year, she would have had a mental breakdown and gone home. Because this would have been too much for 2014 me to handle. But I'm not 2014 me, and I'm not going home. I'm staying here, and I'm dealing with my life like an adult. Because even if I don't seem like a "real" adult a lot of the time, there is still so much I have managed to accomplish in myself the past year. The one thing I learned since then is that sometimes, you can't control every single thing that happens to you in order to protect yourself from the real world and from keeping you from going insane. Sometimes, in order to keep yourself healthy mentally, you have to face your crap. That's just the way the world works. And the world is not mine to control. So this past week, instead of having a breakdown and flipping a table, I've been trying so (sooooooo) hard to be calm about this stuff.
Maybe what I'm trying to get at is this:
It's okay to be stressed out. It's okay to be worried, it's okay to be afraid. In fact, it's completely 100% normal to feel this way sometimes. It is normal to have uncontrollable variables in your life and be afraid of their outcomes. At the end of the semester, getting my books in a week late isn't going to destroy me. It might mean I have to work extra hard to catch up, but I won't be any worse off because of it. Going without a laptop for a week isn't awful, and it's an inconvenience, but this school has so many computers all over the darn place, the only thing that is being inconvenienced is my profound desire to stay in my room all the time instead of out in public. But even that isn't awful because guess what? No one cares about what you are doing in college. Everyone is too stressed out and focused on their work to even think about you and what you are doing. (College kids do not have any concept of sonder. Also, that is the best word and idea ever and quite honestly, should be an idea that shapes Christianity and our faith. But that is a different topic for a different time.)
So all in all, life is unpredictable and can throw you off at times. That doesn't mean it has to be stressful. It just means you're living.
Emily E.
P.S.: In regards to my last post, Nasser noticed and read it. I have talked to him. We, as well as my own personal team of girls and the actual convocation team, will be meeting after the semester settles down to discuss the matter. We have been invited to help assemble a list of women we believe will make the biggest impact in the lives of our fellow students. If anyone has a request they would like to put in, feel free to comment or contact me if you know how :)
Overall, I am incredibly humbled at this opportunity and would greatly appreciate your prayers concerning the matter.
Prayers you have got, Sweet Girl. Remember that some stress is good, but it is so much better if you let God handle your burdens and you trust that He will work everything out. I'm glad the 2015 you knows that she is handling things better. If it is any consolation, the most stressful times of year for teachers is the first month of school and the last month of school. It feels like at times you are trying to juggle 100 balls in the air without dropping any. You can do this!! This too will pass.
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