At the beginning of the semester, I joined the Liberty University Debate Team. On Thursday, I officially left the team. I let go of an amazing opportunity and what some could consider wonderful practice for a future lawyer and I walked away. But why? Why would I dare to let such a thing go?
Because I learned. I learned about how Debate works, and I learned about myself and about how I would do in the sport. But I also learned about how I cope with things. I don't doubt for a single second that I wouldn't have been an excellent debater, I know I would have done amazing. But I also don't doubt that I would have worn myself out. And that is not something I want to do so early on. I already feel so worn down and stressed over everything and trying to balance both Debate and the amount of school work I have to do. After a month, I could not find a good equal balance between focusing my mind on school work and Debate work. I put more focus on school work, because ultimately, that is what is more important to me. And so I talked to my coach and I left. She understood what was going on and how much unhealthy and unnecessary stress I was dealing with and while she was upset that I was leaving, she wished me luck and it was a good parting. The team doesn't know, but since I'm posting this on Facebook later, they will now.
College is a time of learning. It's a time of learning more about the world around you, about the fields you are passionate and studying about, and about how you can interact and become a part of the world and an influencer instead of simply a consumer and a by-stander. It's also a time where you begin to truly learn about yourself and you begin thinking about who you are as a person, about your personality and your virtues and vices. It's where you learn about how you manage your own life and how you, and more specifically your body, deal and manage stress levels you aren't used to.
Last year after about a month being home from Vancouver, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was having trouble breathing. At first, I thought my childhood asthma had flared up and I was having an attack. I had a couple more episodes like this within that same week, and I treated it as asthma with nebulizer treatments until I was actually able to go to the doctor. They checked me out and told me it wasn't asthma, I was fine, they didn't hear any wheezing or general tightness in my chest. I went home and mom mentioned that maybe it was anxiety. I don't like to think of myself as being a relatively anxious person, but when I think about how I normally react to situations, it does make sense. That being said, having some form of an anxiety disorder, as I have not been to a doctor for this, but from my personal research have a pretty clear idea that this is what it is, has been relatively okay to manage. Over the past year, attacks have been minimal and have been rather easy to deal with. I understand that for me, focusing on fixing my breathing is the best thing (breathe in for a few seconds, hold, then let it out for longer and repeat a couple of times), and to tell myself that everything really is okay.
But in the past couple of weeks, I have realized that since I am taking Junior level courses, because I have transferred in with that many credits, I have a much heavier work load than I had previously anticipated. I have more required reading than I have hours in the day, and more need to study than I ever have before. And I was trying to balance that with Debate, and I just simply wasn't able to do so. If I focused on debate, a test was almost forgotten and performed poorly on. If I focused on school, which is what is and should be my main focus as a student, I had no proof or evidence of my research to show. I think ultimately, I would have simply been a bad Debate partner and team member, and I would not have been able to healthily balance everything. And so now, I have time to actually do my school work, my breathing (which has been in a constant state of difficulty and just general tightness) is getting better, I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy and being the best me that I can be. Will I regret this choice to leave? Maybe. And I do miss the family I stepped into when I joined. Making friends is going to be harder now, but as many know, I make friends rather easily, not quickly, but easily. I am a people person by nature, and I thrive off of company. I don't doubt that my years here will be the best days of my life so far, and I am going to be learning even more about myself, the world that I so achingly love and long to adventure into, and the people who surround me.
Always learning.
Emily E.
Last year after about a month being home from Vancouver, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was having trouble breathing. At first, I thought my childhood asthma had flared up and I was having an attack. I had a couple more episodes like this within that same week, and I treated it as asthma with nebulizer treatments until I was actually able to go to the doctor. They checked me out and told me it wasn't asthma, I was fine, they didn't hear any wheezing or general tightness in my chest. I went home and mom mentioned that maybe it was anxiety. I don't like to think of myself as being a relatively anxious person, but when I think about how I normally react to situations, it does make sense. That being said, having some form of an anxiety disorder, as I have not been to a doctor for this, but from my personal research have a pretty clear idea that this is what it is, has been relatively okay to manage. Over the past year, attacks have been minimal and have been rather easy to deal with. I understand that for me, focusing on fixing my breathing is the best thing (breathe in for a few seconds, hold, then let it out for longer and repeat a couple of times), and to tell myself that everything really is okay.
But in the past couple of weeks, I have realized that since I am taking Junior level courses, because I have transferred in with that many credits, I have a much heavier work load than I had previously anticipated. I have more required reading than I have hours in the day, and more need to study than I ever have before. And I was trying to balance that with Debate, and I just simply wasn't able to do so. If I focused on debate, a test was almost forgotten and performed poorly on. If I focused on school, which is what is and should be my main focus as a student, I had no proof or evidence of my research to show. I think ultimately, I would have simply been a bad Debate partner and team member, and I would not have been able to healthily balance everything. And so now, I have time to actually do my school work, my breathing (which has been in a constant state of difficulty and just general tightness) is getting better, I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy and being the best me that I can be. Will I regret this choice to leave? Maybe. And I do miss the family I stepped into when I joined. Making friends is going to be harder now, but as many know, I make friends rather easily, not quickly, but easily. I am a people person by nature, and I thrive off of company. I don't doubt that my years here will be the best days of my life so far, and I am going to be learning even more about myself, the world that I so achingly love and long to adventure into, and the people who surround me.
Always learning.
Emily E.
