I am livid. I am furious, I am beyond appalled. For those of you that haven't seen the story, or for those of you who live outside the United States, a girl in Virginia was kicked out of her homeschool senior prom over the weekend for an absolutely ridiculous reason.
She was kicked out because the organizers of the event thought her dress, though suitable within dress code and not the shortest one there, was inappropriate and that her dancing, which she was not doing, was also inappropriate and that she was causing "the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts." Not only that, but the way she and the rest of her group was treated by the organizer of the prom was absolutely unprofessional and horrendous.
Here is the story, and here is the follow up post. Please excuse any explicit language you may come across.
Now, there is a lot going on here, and I want to address it all. First of all, go Clare for being excited and comfortable with your body and being able to absolutely rock that dress, and for breaking the racial boundaries that the South is known to have. Your boyfriend seems very sweet and I applaud him in his ability to keep calm during this whole ordeal. To have your significant other called out is a terrible thing and I'm sure this is hard on him and the rest of your family as well.
Secondly, I applaud both Clare and the rest of her group for trying to be as respectful and as mature about the situation as possible. I know at the end things got a little rough, but the fact that they even tried to go about this in a respectable, calm manner means volumes. I know personally, I would have had a fit right there, so I think they deserve a lot of respect for that.
Honestly, I think the teenagers handled this situation the best they could and used their resources and abilities to make the situation known. However, they did lose their temper at the end when they were escorted out, but they all agree that it was the wrong way to go about things.
What I am appalled with, is the way the adults handled this situation. The fact that the fathers, the fathers, were staring and ogling at the teenagers is disturbing as it is and should be addressed as such. There is a terrible, terrible stigma within church culture that it is the father/husbands job to moderate and keep tabs on what their daughters and wives wear. Honestly, I love my father and i respect him. He is the most important man in my life besides Jesus, and if he was uncomfortable with something i was wearing, I wouldn't wear it, and that goes for a majority of girls I know. I highly doubt from everything else I have read that her father would have let her out of the house in that dress had he not felt comfortable with her wearing it.
Secondly, I am disappointed that none of the other adults involved with leading the event got involved. It seems that this was the solely the responsibility of Mrs. D, who called her out both times and caused a commotion in the first place. When the other woman who pulled Clare aside was asked whether she believed it to be too short, she said it wasn't her place to say. So, one we see a woman abusing her power as organizer, and another who is not willing to get on her bad side. When asked, a security guard also said it wasn't his place to comment (which in all fairness, it wasn't. He's a security guard, not the fashion police).
This kind of thing happens all the time. You have one person who has some small leadership role, who blows up the significance of their responsibilities to the extreme, and because of this reason, others are afraid to contradict them. It was that woman's place to say whether or not she agreed with Mrs. D, and she should have given her opinion.
I'm utterly disgusted with the way these young adults were treated, honestly. they were shut down and not given a chance to defend their friend. Clare was falsely accused of dancing provocatively and her friends were not allowed to dispute this. This whole situation was skewed and the argument was one sided. There was no chance at defense, and had this been within a court of law, it would have never, ever been acceptable practice. Also, her entire group of six were given verbal promise of a refund for all having to be kicked out on unjust reasoning, and only Clare and her boyfriend have been given one.
This kind of behavior is disgusting in or out of the church. It is called slut shaming and it is being prejudiced or biased against a person for the clothing they choose to wear, whether it be revealing or not. It is wrong and it needs to stop. I am really really sad to know that church culture is so bad about this. We say we love everybody, yet we give them disapproving glances when they show up in clothing we think is unsuitable.
How dare we.
How dare we think that because we follow a guideline set for or specific religion or our specific denomination that must mean every other person in our presence should follow it too. Jesus Christ compels us, not to judge those around us, but to love them. And I am disgusted, i am appalled, I am livid.
But most of all, I am guilty. I grew up in church culture that didn't advocate this kind of behavior, but it didn't speak against it either. If a woman showed up to church or to anywhere really, and they were wearing something we didn't consider modest, we talked about it. My mother and I talked, my sister and I talked, my friends and I talked. It was harmless gossip, right? Well, looking back, I see how wrong I was. And I am sorry, that I have been a part of the problem. I am sorry that I grew up in a culture that encouraged slut shaming, and encouraged this kind of discrimination. And I fell into that without a second though.
With this whole situation arising, I've begun to evaluate how I feel about the whole modesty movement within churches today. And I realize that there are some things wrong with it. I feel that this post is already long enough, so I will be writing about it in a different post. But let me say right now: Modesty is a matter of the heart, not what you put on your body. It applies to men and women, and it is in no way gender exclusive.
Emily E.
She was kicked out because the organizers of the event thought her dress, though suitable within dress code and not the shortest one there, was inappropriate and that her dancing, which she was not doing, was also inappropriate and that she was causing "the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts." Not only that, but the way she and the rest of her group was treated by the organizer of the prom was absolutely unprofessional and horrendous.
Here is the story, and here is the follow up post. Please excuse any explicit language you may come across.
Now, there is a lot going on here, and I want to address it all. First of all, go Clare for being excited and comfortable with your body and being able to absolutely rock that dress, and for breaking the racial boundaries that the South is known to have. Your boyfriend seems very sweet and I applaud him in his ability to keep calm during this whole ordeal. To have your significant other called out is a terrible thing and I'm sure this is hard on him and the rest of your family as well.
Secondly, I applaud both Clare and the rest of her group for trying to be as respectful and as mature about the situation as possible. I know at the end things got a little rough, but the fact that they even tried to go about this in a respectable, calm manner means volumes. I know personally, I would have had a fit right there, so I think they deserve a lot of respect for that.
Honestly, I think the teenagers handled this situation the best they could and used their resources and abilities to make the situation known. However, they did lose their temper at the end when they were escorted out, but they all agree that it was the wrong way to go about things.
What I am appalled with, is the way the adults handled this situation. The fact that the fathers, the fathers, were staring and ogling at the teenagers is disturbing as it is and should be addressed as such. There is a terrible, terrible stigma within church culture that it is the father/husbands job to moderate and keep tabs on what their daughters and wives wear. Honestly, I love my father and i respect him. He is the most important man in my life besides Jesus, and if he was uncomfortable with something i was wearing, I wouldn't wear it, and that goes for a majority of girls I know. I highly doubt from everything else I have read that her father would have let her out of the house in that dress had he not felt comfortable with her wearing it.
Secondly, I am disappointed that none of the other adults involved with leading the event got involved. It seems that this was the solely the responsibility of Mrs. D, who called her out both times and caused a commotion in the first place. When the other woman who pulled Clare aside was asked whether she believed it to be too short, she said it wasn't her place to say. So, one we see a woman abusing her power as organizer, and another who is not willing to get on her bad side. When asked, a security guard also said it wasn't his place to comment (which in all fairness, it wasn't. He's a security guard, not the fashion police).
This kind of thing happens all the time. You have one person who has some small leadership role, who blows up the significance of their responsibilities to the extreme, and because of this reason, others are afraid to contradict them. It was that woman's place to say whether or not she agreed with Mrs. D, and she should have given her opinion.
I'm utterly disgusted with the way these young adults were treated, honestly. they were shut down and not given a chance to defend their friend. Clare was falsely accused of dancing provocatively and her friends were not allowed to dispute this. This whole situation was skewed and the argument was one sided. There was no chance at defense, and had this been within a court of law, it would have never, ever been acceptable practice. Also, her entire group of six were given verbal promise of a refund for all having to be kicked out on unjust reasoning, and only Clare and her boyfriend have been given one.
This kind of behavior is disgusting in or out of the church. It is called slut shaming and it is being prejudiced or biased against a person for the clothing they choose to wear, whether it be revealing or not. It is wrong and it needs to stop. I am really really sad to know that church culture is so bad about this. We say we love everybody, yet we give them disapproving glances when they show up in clothing we think is unsuitable.
How dare we.
How dare we think that because we follow a guideline set for or specific religion or our specific denomination that must mean every other person in our presence should follow it too. Jesus Christ compels us, not to judge those around us, but to love them. And I am disgusted, i am appalled, I am livid.
But most of all, I am guilty. I grew up in church culture that didn't advocate this kind of behavior, but it didn't speak against it either. If a woman showed up to church or to anywhere really, and they were wearing something we didn't consider modest, we talked about it. My mother and I talked, my sister and I talked, my friends and I talked. It was harmless gossip, right? Well, looking back, I see how wrong I was. And I am sorry, that I have been a part of the problem. I am sorry that I grew up in a culture that encouraged slut shaming, and encouraged this kind of discrimination. And I fell into that without a second though.
With this whole situation arising, I've begun to evaluate how I feel about the whole modesty movement within churches today. And I realize that there are some things wrong with it. I feel that this post is already long enough, so I will be writing about it in a different post. But let me say right now: Modesty is a matter of the heart, not what you put on your body. It applies to men and women, and it is in no way gender exclusive.
Emily E.
